2-21: Eyelids

(A/N: There are a complete lack of screenshots in this chapter, but for good reason.
I didn't want to take away from the actual writing.
Okay, bye.)

I can't sleep
That's when you're torn away from me
While I'm dreaming, I feel you leaving
I'll face my fear of the sunrise, when I wake up with your hand inside mine
It's hard to say "good morning" when it's followed with "goodbye"

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Ryan pushed through Rain's hospital door so hard, it slammed against the wall, leaving a handle sized hole in it. He glanced at the broken door stop, and then up at Rain as she pulled on her sweater.

"What are you doing?"

Rain brushed her hair out of her face gently, giving him a small smile.

"Going home. You're a little late. They released me."

He looked at the wide eyed nurse behind Rain, running a hand through his hair.

"I'll pay for that."

His eyes traveled to Rain and he walked over to her, taking a seat on the bed next to her.

"Home as in California, right?"

Rain shook her head slowly as the nurse made her way out of the room, mumbling something under her breath.

"You know I can't do that, Ryan."

"The hell you can't. Rae told me what happened, Rain."

Rain squeezed her eyes shut. Her hands shook as she lifted them to her face, a small sigh leaving her lips.

"Of course she did."

Ryan took one of her hands in his, lifting her chin to look at him.

"You can't do this. Rain..."

She fought hard not to look in his eyes, but eventually conceded. They looked angry, but they also looked hurt.

"I'm sorry, Ryan. I'll be okay. It was probably an accident. He-"

Ryan pressed his lips to hers, silencing her words. She didn't even try to push him away. Didn't try to continue on with her statement that she knew was a lie. She folded beneath his kiss, returned it. When he pulled away, she was crying. 

She was always crying.

"You can't kiss me like that and tell me that you'll be okay with him."

Rain bit down on her lip, her hand still tightly in his.

"Ryan, I love you. But I'm sorry, I have to go home."

"That is not your home."

Rain wiped the tears off of her cheeks roughly with her free hand, dropping her eyes to the floor.

"It has to be."

Ryan's groan almost echoed in the room. He got to his feet, dropping her hand from his. And all she wanted was for him to take it again.

This entire situation was blurry. She didn't know why she thought she had no choice but to return to the man that had destroyed her life, but she did.

She followed his lead, standing so tiny next to him, it made her feel almost invisible. Not that she needed any help with that.

"I'm taking you home."

Rain pulled the zipper up on her sweater and chanced one more glance at him.

"Okay."

The worst had already happened. Nothing Thorne could do in reaction to Ryan taking her back to him could be worse than what he'd already done.

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The front door shut behind them and Rain's body screamed from the ache that resulted in her muscles when she made her way up the stairs. She didn't know why Ryan couldn't have just left when they got there, but he had refused.

Thorne was at the top of the stairs, leaning against the balcony that overlooked the first floor.

And his eyes showed nothing close to mercy.

"Why is he with you?"

Thorne's eyes met with Ryan's and the tension was tangible. It radiated between the two of them, and Rain knew Ryan didn't want to leave her here. She knew she shouldn't stay here. That this couldn't end well. The moment he left, it would be back in the frozen hell she was so used to.

Ryan's hand was on hers, and she could tell by the way he let it go that he didn't want to do that either.

"I don't think you should stay, Rain. Not right now. Come back to California with me, your family. At least for a little while."

His words were directed solely at Rain, like Thorne wasn't there at all.

Tears stung at her eyes, like they always did, and she acted on impulse. She wrapped her arms around him and cried the emptiness in her chest onto his.

"I can't. I can't leave. I can't because he won't let me.

He'd follow me back. He'd make me return anyway. He'd hurt me, or you, or someone.

I can't, Ryan."

Ryan pulled her away enough to look down at her, shaking his head.

"He won't touch you."

Thorne let out a scoff, exasperation filling the spaces between himself and his wife.

"She's my wife. I can touch her as much as I wish."

Ryan tightened his arms around her, his glare heated.

"I'm pretty sure that the way you've been touching her is far from the way you should touch your wife."

"Ryan. Stop. It won't help. It's just going to make things worse."

She released her hold on him, walking over to the man that she was supposed to spend her entire life with.

But why? Why should she? She was going to leave him before the baby, and that was the reason she tried to stay. 

The baby was gone now. He made sure of that. 

When she reached Thorne, his hand found her back and she shivered.

She was in love with Ryan. Real love. The kind that made her feel whole. The kind that melted ice instead of creating it. 

Her chest filled with the weight of it, and she struggled to breathe. She didn't want to be with Thorne. 

She didn't want to do this anymore.

She didn't want to be trapped in this endless prison of cold and mechanics. 

"You need to say goodnight, now, Rain. Before this turns out worse for you than it already is."

Thorne's muttering voice in her ear didn't help the amplifying feeling in her chest. His cold touch on her back didn't help either. She looked at Ryan over her shoulder, his eyes filled with worry. It made her sick.

He shouldn't have to look at her like that, because she shouldn't be making this choice.

Not again.

Her voice shook with the words she finally gave Thorne.

"I'm sorry. I can't. I can't this time."

She pulled away from him, but his hand locked around her forearm. 

"Excuse me? You do what I say.

You're mine."

Rain whimpered from the pain, trying her hardest to pull away.

"I'm not! Not anymore!

You've ruined my entire life. Everything that I am, everything I stood for!

You killed our child.

You are so empty that no matter what I give you, it will never be enough. You are made up of nothing. Bones and ice. You look at me and all I want to do is run away from you.

You're killing me, Hawthorne. And I can't do this anymore.

I don't love you.

I don't have anything left for you to take.

I can't be with you, I can't even look at you."

The force of the slap went through her entire body, and she tasted the blood that filled her mouth. 

What happened next was so fast, Rain couldn't begin to piece it together. Hawthorne's grip left her, and Ryan's arms were around her. The banister in front of them was split in two and the sound of cracking was all that she registered. That and a breeze that slowly faded into nothing.

She made to look over the railing, but Ryan pulled her head gently against his chest.

"Don't."

Rain's chest filled and emptied, but she didn't think she could still be breathing. How could she be? She wasn't even sure that what was going on was reality. Her words were muffled in the fabric of his shirt.

"Did you do that?"

Ryan stiffened, his fingers tracing the length of her spine.

"Yes."

She swallowed the coppery taste down her throat and her body went limp in his hold. 

What she had said to Thorne was true. She had nothing left for anyone to take.

His body on the ground below them meant nothing to her. 

Because he hadn't been hers anymore. Hadn't for a long time.

Maybe he never had.

-----------------------

The detectives that had been dispersed to her house after Thorne had fallen, had ruled his death an accident. Mostly because Rain had told them they had found him that way. He'd been drinking, fell on his own.

That was the probable situation she was given. 

And one she agreed to.

What was she supposed to say? That her vampiric friend had somehow caused him to fall? She wasn't even one hundred percent sure how it had happened in the first place.

And now she was a widow.

His family had called her cell phone an innumerable amount of times. But she couldn't bring herself to even answer it. She couldn't face any of them.

"Are you sure that this is what you want, Rain?"

Ryan's voice cascaded through her thoughts, bringing her back into her head. She kept finding herself lost in her thoughts more and more. It had been two days, and she hadn't processed everything. She wasn't sure she ever could.

"I am. I don't want to go. I just want to go back to California."

Ryan nodded once, putting his hand out so that she could take it. 

Skipping her late husband's funeral. Something she never thought that she'd be doing. 

What would his family think?

And why did she find herself not caring much about what it would be?

Ryan let go of her hand once they were out in the cold London air, shoving the last of her luggage in the trunk of some random rental car.

Rain wasn't even sure she knew what was going on. She just knew this car would take her to the airport. Take her far away from the house she shared with Thorne.

Far away from her dream school, her dream marriage, her dream life.

Except, all of those had turned into the things of her nightmares.

And she wanted nothing more than to leave it all behind.

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