1-17: The War Is Over

All I have to say is you don't deserve me, you don't deserve me
I'm finally walking away, 'cause you'll only hurt me
And you're not worthy

--------

"Wait he did what?"

Kiara dropped the candle she had been lighting on the floor, staring at Eden in surprise. She quickly bent to pick it up, catching flame to the wick and setting it on her end table.

"Since when did you and Xavier Nile get anywhere near to something like that? I thought you hated his guts?"

Eden nodded, dropping onto her back on Kiara's bed.

"I do. I mean... Well, I thought I did? Turns out, it doesn't matter to me, apparently. And he's a really good kisser. You'd be surprised."

She squeezed her eyes shut and pulled Kiara's pillow over her face, whining into it. Kiara took the pillow away and looked down into her face, raising an eyebrow.

"Do you have a crush..."

Eden sat up so quickly, she almost collided with Kiara's head.

"What. No. I'm Eden. I don't crush."

She gave her a knowing look, dropping the pillow back onto the bed.

"Uh huh..."

Eden grabbed the pillow and threw it at her, scowling. 

"Do not, Hunter."

Kiara laughed, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. It didn't often lately, when Eden actually saw her. And she knew why. Atticus... It wasn't easy for her to cope with, at all. Not that she would ever, in a million years, let that show.

"So is that why you've been avoiding me? Because you're busy banging Xavier?"

Eden's smile quickly disappeared. She had forgotten that that had even been going on. She had wandered into Kiara's room this morning, not thinking anything of it. Because she had been a mess of a different kind. Her mind going in a million directions, but not because of what had happened with Alec.

For one night, she had managed to escape the nightmares and the flashes in the corner of her eyes. Hadn't even really thought about it. Until right now.

Eden shook her head, squeezing Kiara's comforter in her hand.

"No. Not exactly."

All Kiara had to do was look at her, her eyes softening, like they knew. And that's when the entire story spilled out. Piece by piece into a jagged puzzle that left Eden's chest catching on every breath when it was finished. 

Kiara listened, expressionless, until the very end.

"So, you want me to kill him right? Because that's what I want to do. Light his ass on fire and watch him turn into ashes."

Eden's eyes widened, she could hear every syllable that left Kiara's mouth echo with truth. She knew she seriously would, seriously wanted to.

Because her best friend was obsessively overprotective. 

And insane. You can't forget insane.

"No! I don't want you in prison. I'm alive, I'm breathing... Just... Let it go, okay."

Kiara stared at her, but didn't say anything. 

"Don't do anything stupid, Kiara. Okay?"

Kiara broke her stare, her eyes burning. She scoffed and kicked the pillow on the floor next to her aside.

"Fine. But if you ever ask me to, I'll do it. He deserves it."

"A lot of people do a lot of bad things, but I don't think anyone has the right to make a call like that."

Eden's voice was far away, her eyes blurry.

"I gotta go do something. I'll talk to you later, Ki. I love you."

Eden hadn't said those words even once since she had given them to Nico. Didn't even want to think them. The moment they left her mouth in Kiara's direction, she stood, heading for her door. Kiara said something in return, but she didn't hear it.

She had something she needed to take care of. Once and for all.

-----------

When she found Max, he was in the Starbucks on Campus, typing on his laptop. It took Eden saying his name three times before he even acknowledged her presence. Once he'd taken in her appearance, his face contorted, a quiet anger settling in his eyes.

"Where the hell have you been for the last month?"

A month... Had it actually been that long? It didn't feel like it had. But since the semester was almost over, it was possible that it could be. She didn't even realize it was the middle of November already. That Christmas was close, Kiara's birthday was... Time had slipped away from her in the midst of everything.

"Not around you. Which is why I'm here."

She pulled the chair out from the table and dropped into it. 

"Not that we're together, but I'm basically breaking up with you. Like. I'm not having sex with you anymore."

Max looked taken aback, but only for a moment. He shut the top of his laptop and leaned back in his chair, the corner of his mouth curling up.

"Is that so? What happened? You fell in love with Alec or something?

You know... I'm just gonna tell him anyway."

Eden's heart skipped for just a second at the name, but she composed herself without Max even noticing.

"It's too late for that, I already did. I also didn't do it, for the record."

He narrowed his eyes, for the first time in Eden's life, Max started to look uncomfortable.

"I don't need to know why you asked me to do it, and all you need to know is that I didn't. That I'm done doing the things you tell me to do.

You think that you have control over me, but you don't. At least not anymore. The only person who controls me, is me."

As she said the words, she realized for the first time in her life, she felt like they were true. Max opened his mouth to say something, but she held up a hand, cutting him off.

"I don't need you. I don't need your sideways compliments and your desperation for dominance. I don't need you to think that there has ever been a moment in my life where I did.

You have this thing in your head where you feel like, by using people, you're more of a man. But you aren't. You're a coward. The little boy inside who was always abandoned by his parents is still there, Max. The drugs and the games and... me... None of it made that go away.

I used to feel sorry for you. I think that's why I always did whatever you wanted, no matter how absurd it was. But that's done.

Alec was my final straw. We're through."

She was breathless after her speech, her chest tight. But she didn't break. She didn't shed a single tear, her voice didn't crack even once. And as each word left her lips, she knew she meant them. She hadn't even realized this was how she felt, but when she started talking, she couldn't stop.

Which is what seemed to keep happening to her. Again and again. Like that single break in her wall crumbled every fortress she had. Now she was rebuilding them, but in a contrasting way. Building defenses in a way that actually made sense.

She was a different person now. Or steadily becoming one. 

Stronger, more mature, together.

Piece by piece.

When he had confirmed she was through speaking, Max got to his feet. His face went through so many emotions, for a second Eden wasn't sure what he was going to do. 

"Okay, Eden."

That's all he said. Not a single syllable more. She raised an eyebrow, but before she could ask any questions, he turned, heading for the exit. He let the door shut quietly behind him and disappeared down the street.

That can't be it...

It didn't feel like it, anyway. 

But right now, it didn't matter. That was huge. That was a change. That was growing.

And more than anything, it felt real. She did. 

------------

"Rumor has it, Max left Saint Claire."

Eden stepped down off of the treadmill, taking a drink out of her water bottle. Kiara was just laying on the floor, eating chips and tossing her cell phone up in the air and catching it. She thought working out 'was a waste of time for someone who is perfect and immortal'. So every time Eden ran, Kiara watched her. And every now and then commented on her boobs or stomach or butt and how she didn't even need to work out cause she was 'perfect too, just not immortal'.

"Oh? Rumor has it, I don't care."

She grinned and unplugged the machine from the wall, kicking her tennis shoes off. Kiara sat up, setting her cell phone aside. 

"Just thought it was pretty cool that whatever you said pissed him off so bad, he fucking dropped out of our college."

Eden collapsed into the chair next to Kiara, shrugging. Her head was still spinny from the endorphin rush, and she felt amazing.

"Good. That just means I don't have to see his stupid face in the halls.

Kiara feigned a pout, sticking her lip out, her lip ring glinting in the fluorescent.

"But I didn't get to light him on fire."

Eden let out a laugh, shaking her head at her best friend.

"You and fire, I swear to God."

Kiara nodded vehemently. 

"Yes. I love fire. So you gotta let me at least once. Can I at least light Xavier on fire if he hurts you?"

Eden choked on her water at the mention of Xavier's name. She had almost forgotten that had happened. Well... When she wasn't thinking about it all the time. She hadn't even seen him since he kissed her, part of her thought he was probably avoiding her.

"Honestly. I don't think he would. But you say that like I'm planning on giving him a chance."

Kiara brightened, getting to her feet. She grabbed Eden and pulled her to a standing position.

"That's because you are. You're gonna go take a shower and go see him right now, actually."

Eden's eyes widened, and she tried to sit back down, but Kiara pulled her right back to her feet.

"Uh no, no I am not."

Kiara nodded, still smiling.

"Yes, yes you are. You get this look in your eyes when you talk about him, and I've never seen it before. So either you have a crush or you're going more insane than you were. So, I have concluded that either you go talk to him or I drive you to the hospital."

Eden stared at her.

"You wouldn't."

Kiara pushed her towards the door.

"You so know that I would."

Eden groaned, heading for the shower. 

She had no idea how to get out of this. This was a bad idea. There was no look in her eye. She didn't want to be around Xavier. It couldn't be anything but horrible for him. Look at her track record with guys. Nobody got out even remotely emotionally alive.

Xav did not need to be next on her list.

She turned around at the door and threw Kiara the dirtiest look she could.

"I hate you."

Kiara beamed.

"Love you too, bitch."

-----------

Eden stood outside of Xavier's apartment, cussing under her breath. If Kiara hadn't actually walked her over here and to his door, she would have stayed in her bedroom all night pretending she had gone. She kept wondering when her best friend had gotten so bossy. Or maybe she had been all along, and Eden hadn't paid enough attention.

It was sort of too late to back out now. And she felt like Kiara was probably knelt down somewhere in the hallways waiting for her to appear.

I have a psycho for a best friend.

A guy passed by, looking Eden up and down, a weird expression on his face. She crossed her arms over her chest. She wanted to tell him that she was forced here, that she just wanted to be back in her bedroom listening to rap music and pretending she was still an emotionless skank.

"Hi?"

Eden turned around at the sound, startled. Xavier walked down the hallway, stopping next to his door. He raised his eyebrow at Eden, pulling the zipper down on his jacket.

"What is with you and standing outside my door?"

She rolled her eyes as he slid his key in the lock, the noise of the bolt sliding out of place almost echoing in her head. 

"I'm here against my will."

He pushed his door open and looked at her.

"You're what?"

She shifted her weight and pushed past him, walking inside without being told to. 

"Nothing. Hi. Nice place."

He laughed, pushing the door shut with his heel.

"Yeah, thanks. glad you like it. Always wanted you to just walk into my house after all. Your appraisal of it was next on my list of things I've always dreamed of."

Eden stopped examining his living room to stare at him.

"Oh, stalker boy actually has the ability to sarcasm. I'm impressed."

He hadn't even asked why she was there, like it was natural for her to be. Like it didn't bother him or irk him at all. What was his deal, anyway?

"Don't you want to know why I came over?"

Xavier walked over to his fridge, pulling it open and extracting a soda. He shrugged a shoulder and leaned against the bar in the kitchen, opening it.

"Nope."

Her forehead crinkled and she let out a breath. Maybe if he wasn't so confusing, she would actually want to hang out with him more.

"Why not? Do you usually have girls waiting outside your apartment in the middle of the afternoon?"

He chuckled, shaking his head.

"Nope."

She kept staring at him, trying to think of something to say. What was she supposed to say? Why did you kiss me? Do you like me or something? Was it just in the moment? Do you expect me to like you back? Why do you stare at me all the time?

Okay, so the list was extensive.

"You're so strange."

That works.

The sound of Eden's phone ringing brought both of their attention off of each other. She fumbled for it, dropping it on the floor before finally managing to look at the screen and see who the hell it was. Lyric's picture lit up the glass and Eden held a finger up to Xavier, bringing her phone to her ear.

"Hello?"

Lyric's voice crackled on the other end, and it sounded like she was crying. 

"Eden... We need to talk. Are you coming home for Christmas?"

Well, she hadn't planned on it... Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and she was going to stay in Saint Claire with everyone else. But she was definitely going home now.

"I will. Are you okay? What's going on, L?"

Lyric didn't respond, just continued to cry. Eden didn't know what it was, but her stomach dropped.

"I have no one to talk to. Cassius is busy with his friends, and mom is drunk all the time. Dad is never here, and you're across the state. I need you."

Eden bit down on her lip. How could things get so bad with her baby sister and she never even knew? 

"I'll get a plane tonight, okay. I'll be there soon."

Lyric said goodbye, her voice so quiet, Eden barely heard her. She forgot why she was here, what her objective had been in any way. Her mind spinning with what could possibly be wrong with Lyric.

"That was my little sister. Something's wrong, I have to go."

She made her way to his door, opening it before he said another word.

"Can I go with you?"

She hesitated, leaning back in the door to look at him. It only took her a few seconds to respond. She nodded, holding the door back open so he could come into the hallway with her. She couldn't find any reason to actually say no.

She was making this a habit. 

Dammit.
--------------

This is not my surrender
I'm not running for cover
I'm right here, I know you see me
But your words no longer defeat me

1-16: Illuminated

Time waits for no one
So do you want to waste some time?
Oh, oh tonight

-----------

"Do you have a secret obsession with water or something?"

Eden couldn't deny that the place had a certain charm to it, it was gorgeous. The fountains, the flowers. But for Xavier? It just seemed a little unnatural.

"I do, actually. I like the water and I love the rain."

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

"You're so strange. And that's really weird to hear. You saying that you love anything at all. You've always come across as very withheld to me."

She shouldn't have even agreed to go anywhere with him. She was so drunk, she didn't think anything of what she said. She had no filter, and she should have just gone home and to bed. Kept avoiding Xavier. Avoiding everyone. Her heart beat quickened and she saw a flash of something in the corner of her eye. Again. 

What if she said too much? What if-

"You're doing it again."

He cut through her internal monologue with his comment and she opened her eyes and looked up at him. She hadn't even noticed that she was counting. That her eyes had fallen closed. He clearly did pay attention, or maybe it could be cause she was standing right next to him that he noticed at all.

She took her mask off and tossed it on the ground, letting out a long sigh.

"Why do you keep doing that? Can you tell me that?"

He walked over to one of the fountains, sitting on the edge of it. She didn't want to follow him, but she did it anyway. Part of her wanted to shove him into it, because he annoyed her so much. But it didn't seem like such a good idea since he was her ride, and she didn't even know where this place was. Let alone how to get back to her apartment.

She kicked off her shoes and put her feet in the water, staying silent.

"I'll take that as a no, then."

He watched her carefully, not even attempting to touch the water. 

"I don't know what you want me to say. I don't want to talk about it."

"So there is an it."

He didn't miss a beat. She rolled her eyes, cussing under her breath.

"I should have just stayed at the party and kept drinking. This is going to lead everywhere but somewhere."

The atmosphere grew so quiet, Eden almost swore she could hear his heartbeat mixing in with the sounds of the water falling all around them. She kicked her feet in the water like a child, trying to think of something to say to this guy she barely knew. One who seemed to know so much about her. Enough that he recognized changes in her idiosyncrasies. 

Thunder rolled across the sky and Eden lost her balance, almost falling into Xavier. Lightning followed in succession and she dreaded the moment when the rain started falling. Which didn't take long. It fell in sheets, and she still didn't move. 

"You are going to freeze in that if we keep sitting here."

She shrugged, just watching the rain fall into the fountains, the way the water moved in circles away from each drop. All of them colliding into each other, moving away, going back. An endless repetition. 

"You can tell me, Eden. I don't know what you're scared of."

He whispered the words softly, she barely even heard them over the noise. But for some reason... They began to resonate. Bouncing around in her head until it was like he had screamed them at her.

Eden tore her eyes away from the water, her face going completely empty. She didn't know why, but that comment broke her calm. Ruptured the piece of her that was trying to stay collected in his presence. Now she just felt angry. Furious, even. There wasn't a reason. There was no method to the madness that escalated in her mind.

Whatever he said, somehow, it had just went straight through her. Pulled at that little string inside of her that told her she needed to get away.

The second loudest voice she contained in her head.

 She pulled her legs out of the water, getting to her feet. She didn't know where she was going to go, but it was somewhere that wasn't here.

"What are you doing? What did I say?"

"I'm leaving."

She snapped, trying to decide the best way to do that in a torrential downpour when she had no idea where she was.

"The hell you are. You could get hurt."

She scoffed, her voice raising, trying to be heard over the sound of the rain.

"It's a little too late for that, but thanks."

Xavier got to his feet, standing in front of her. Between the exit and Eden. Pictures flashed through her head. In order. Alec blocking the exit, the flash of the gun, red numbers on an alarm clock, a broken iPod screen.

She turned quickly, looking behind her, looking for a different escape. A different way out of this. She couldn't be trapped. Not right now, not ever again. She choked on her breaths, panic trying to leak into her chest. The anger had quickly melted into anxiety and now she had no where to put it. No where to go to to escape it.

Locked between being able to run away and this fucking guy.

The only way out was through the massive fountain in front of her, so she stepped into it. The water reached all the way to her knees, but she began to cross it anyway. Her mind spun, and she had no idea what to do. Why she was feeling the way she was. Why Alec was here again.

But he isn't.

The rational voice in the back of her head tried to calm her, but she barely heard it.

"Eden, wait."

Xavier splashed his way into the fountain, catching her by the arm, turning her so he could see her face. Her eyes were glossy. From alcohol, from tears that were trying to appear, from memories.

"I told you not to touch me!"

She didn't mean to shout, didn't intend to at all. Xavier didn't release his grip though. Instead, he placed his other hand on her arm too. Holding her steady. The rain fell into her eyes, down her face. She was completely soaked, and so was he. And still, he was holding her in place, in a fountain, in the middle of a storm.

"Why? Why can't I touch you? What's wrong with you? What happened Eden?"

Her mind was all over the place, hysterical.

"I made a mistake! I made a mistake like I always do. That's all I do, Xavier! You say you pay attention to me, but you clearly don't. Or you'd know you're wasting your time. Being nice to me, caring about me. I'm just going to let you down somehow. It's what I do."

Xavier stared down at her, shocked. Eden saying this stuff about herself? Eden realizing anything like this about herself? It was like an alternate universe.

"Eden... Calm down. None of that is true, you know it-"

She groaned, finally getting her arms out of his grip. She tried to push him to the side, but he didn't move.

"Save your cliche crap for someone who believes it. I know who I am, Alec helped me realize that."

She hadn't said his name since that night, had tried everything in her power to not even think it. Her stomach twisted, and she felt sick, rubbing her hands over her face.

"Alec... Wait a second."

He ran a hand through his hair, trying to push it out of his face, but the rain made it fall right back where it had been.

"Eden... Did he do something to you?"

She tried to get past him, but he stopped her, putting a hand on her chest, using his finger on her chin to make her look up at him. She tried to keep her eyes on the rain, on the road, on anything but his eyes. Because they were the deepest set of eyes she'd ever encountered. And they saw everything.

"I thought he was going to kill me. But that's not what happened. This is worse. Whatever I feel right now is worse. I'd rather he have pulled the trigger."

Xavier's eyes were almost black in the darkness, but she caught the flash in them. The anger. Just like the night with Kyle.

"Trigger?"

He moved his hand from her chin and she finally broke eye contact, staring at the water. 

"Yes trigger. As in gun. As in he was going to shoot me, but I talked him out of it. 

I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't have."

It was like the vulnerability, the break she felt that night, never went away. Stayed in the forefront of her mind like a continuous virus. Poisoning her, making her feel like a human. Like a devastated child. She felt pathetic, humiliated. Just by the words that were falling out of her mouth.

Another clap of thunder tore its way through the sky and the lightning that followed illuminated Xavier's face. What she saw there, she was dead certain she had never seen before.

He put a hand on her shoulder and stepped closer to her, moving his fingers up the side of her face, across her cheek. He traced the scar there, not saying a word. She stilled, completely distracted by the action. 

What the hell was he doing? 

What was this?

He moved his hand from her face to her waist, and it was different from any other time he'd ever touched her. Distinctive from any other time he'd ever been near her. The tension in the air before he did anything else was almost visible.

And then he leaned down, disintegrating the space between them, touching his lips to hers. The softness behind it, the sincerity there, rushed through her. She wasn't even sure that this was real. That she was actually allowing someone like him to kiss someone like her. That she was actually kissing him back.

Someone who had a heart like his was no match for the girl made of stone.

And she let it happen anyway.

Another flash of light broke the darkness and it irradiated everything. The rain, the fountain, the two of them, and a new piece of reality that she wasn't quite sure she was ready to come to terms with. 

Someone making her feel safe, other than herself.

 At least, for a moment.

1-15: When You Break

You could never live out in the open
Regretting every word you've spoken
When you break it's too late for you to fall apart
And the blame that you claim is all your own fault

-------------

Eden looked in the mirror. Once, close your eyes, open. Twice. Again.

It only worked half of the time. She'd open her eyes and see him behind her. In the mirror. She'd close her eyes, open them and he'd be gone. Sometimes. Sometimes he followed her into school, through her classes, always in the corner of her eye.

Alec had transferred to a different college 'for personal reasons'. 

Max didn't get his big showdown, and he was probably wondering exactly why Eden was avoiding him. She kind of figured all of her friends were wondering that. The only person she'd been forced into contact with, was Xavier. He was in her biology class and her psychology class. She thought about dropping them, so everyone could be avoided, but that seemed a little extensive.

He'd catch her eye, she'd look away, she'd look back and he was still staring. The same look on his face every time. It almost screamed 'are you okay'.

He'd tried to get her attention in the hallway the first few days, but she'd ducked him. Taking the long way around to her next classes.

But tomorrow... Was a masquerade. On Campus. And she'd promised Kiara she'd go. She couldn't back out. Not without a legitimate reason. She couldn't tell her what happened. She couldn't tell anyone. She'd keep it under lock and key indefinitely. She had to relive it in her head, why would she want to relive it and see it in the eyes of someone else?

Plus, it was her own fault, right?

She closed the door of her apartment bedroom, taking the stairs down to the bakery, exiting the back way. She'd done that every day since that night. It seemed the only way she didn't run into Kiara.

As she turned the corner onto the street that led to the college, a hand reached out and grabbed her arm. Her scream was probably loud enough to shatter glass. Xavier released her quickly, taking three steps backward.

"Whoa. I didn't mean to scare you."

Eden scowled, her heart racing in her chest so fast it ached.

"Don't flatter yourself."

She turned away from him, walking back along the sidewalk towards the school. He was taking stalker to a new level now. She heard his footsteps behind her, catching up quickly with his much longer strides. He didn't say anything for a while, just walking silently. But eventually, he broke the quiet facade.

"Are you okay?"

She'd been waiting for that question. Since the first time they had their little staring war.

"I'm fine."

Rehearsed in the mirror for so long, so many times, but she still didn't quite believe it. He looked like he felt exactly the same way.

"You don't look fine."

They reached the steps to the school and she took them two at a time, half surprised that he still kept pace with her.

"Well, I am fine."

She snapped, her voice cool. They reached the glass double doors and he opened it for her. She rushed inside, trying to put distance between them, but he wasn't allowing it. She stopped abruptly and he almost crashed into her, stepping to the side at the last second.

"Why are you following me?"

"We have the same class?"

She sighed, completely forgetting it was Wednesday, and he was right.

"Why were you on my street?"

His face was expressionless, but something was in his eyes.

"I live in the building next door. Eden... What's wrong?"

She shook her head, turning away and walking to her class. She entered the door and walked to the back of the room, dropping into a seat. Much to her chagrin, he sat right next to her.

"Talk to me."

She pulled the stuff she needed, one by one, out of her bag, her eyes locked on the board at the front of the room. She wasn't going to talk to him. She wasn't going to talk to anyone. What was his problem?

"You can't stay silent forever. I don't know what it is, but it's gonna have to come out."

He directed his eyes the way hers had been, muttering the words. She finally fixed his face with a look of her own, misdirecting her anxiety, her roller coaster internal monologue. 

"Why do you always do that? You say these things that leave me with so many fucking questions but you never give me any answers. Does it make you feel better about yourself to mess with my head?"

Her voice cracked and she tore her eyes away from his face when he looked at her. He didn't even bother replying, he just stared at her again. Like he always seemed to be doing. They spent the rest of the class in silence, Xavier letting her walk away by herself this time when class let out.

But when she looked back at him, he was still in his seat. Staring at the notebook in front of him.

--------------

-Do you want to go with me to this thing tonight?-

Eden stared down at her phone. There was one person at this college who knew her who she didn't know their number. Man, this guy was fucking persistent.

-First of all, I don't know how you got my number, but I don't want you to have it.

And second of all, no.-

She stuffed her phone in her pocket, stupidly assuming that would be all she'd have to say and he'd back off. Her phone resounded with vibration again and she groaned, pulling it out and looking at the text.

-Well. You know if you don't go with me, I'm just going to find you at some point anyway.-

-It's a masquerade. Good luck with that, stalker.-

-You underestimate me, I could pick you out in a crowd easily. This is no different.-

-This stuff never stops getting creepy.-

-Just say yes.-

-No.-

-I'll pay for your alcohol.-

-.....Fine.-

-Alright. See you in a few hours, then.-

Eden sighed, chastising herself for saying yes in the first place. She looked over at her dress, hanging on the wall. She'd spent a fortune on it when her and Kiara went shopping for this thing. When she was still excited about going, about being seen. She'd skipped prom in high school, so this was the next best thing, right?

She walked over to her closet, running her fingers over the fabric. The more she thought about it, the less she wanted to wear it. No matter how much it cost. Her and Kiara had been talking about this night since they first heard about it. During the first week of classes.

Now Eden wasn't sure she knew how to express any desire to do this at all.

She didn't want to be elegant, she didn't want to be pretty. She didn't want to be 'formal'. She just...

Eden took the dress by the hanger, throwing it into the bottom of her closet. She searched through the racks of clothes hanging up side by side until she came across what she was looking for. She turned and held it up to her body in the mirror next to her closet.

This'll work.

--------------

"....You're wearing that?"

Not the first thing she was expecting to hear from Xavier the moment she let him inside, but it was definitely on the list. She looked down at her outfit of sorts and sent him a smile, adjusting the top of it. 

"Yeah, I thought it fit me more than something fancy."

He pulled at the knot of his tie, raising an eyebrow.

"Well... I can't disagree with that, but this whole email invitation thing said 'formal' so I assumed..."

She reached out and he recoiled slightly before straightening back up. She undid the knot of his tie and pulled it out of his shirt, tossing it on the couch. She made sure not to make contact with him. Not letting her fingers even brush against the fabric of his shirt.

"Now we match enough. We're both wearing jeans anyway... Stop complaining. You're lucky I'm even going to this thing."

She pointed to her face and the lace mask that sat there. 

"And I also have this thing, which, by the way, you do not. So don't complain."

He shrugged a shoulder and stuffed his hands in his back pockets, glancing around her living room.

"I wasn't going to cover my face. No one gives a crap if I'm hidden or not."

She nodded, pulling her heels on. 

"Exactly. So, let the fact that I'm dressed like a skank and not wearing a fancy dress go, and let's leave. Good?"

He honestly looked like he wanted to protest, but turned for the door instead. Eden wasn't sure where Kiara was, but she hadn't ran into her yet. She hadn't even seen Sophie, who in her inherent shyness, still found a way to express to Eden how 'incredibly excited' she was about tonight while she was trying to make her way to the shower this morning.

As her heels clicked down the steps to the driveway, Eden scoffed at the fact that Xavier's perfect blue Porsche sat waiting. 

"You brought your car across the state? How?"

He clicked the unlock button on his key chain and looked over at her, opening the door for her when she reached it.

"My dad has drivers. Does that really surprise you?"

Eden rolled her eyes, but slid inside. 

It didn't. Rich kids are all the same in some ways after all. Xavier was obviously just another of them. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw someone standing in the trees next to her house and her stomach catapulted. She did a double take, and of course no one was there. Just another one of her mirages. If that's what they were.

His image followed her everywhere, and every time, it left her sick and spinning. She squeezed her eyes shut as Xavier shut the drivers side door and turned on the ignition. When she finally opened them, he was staring at her. 

He was always staring at her.

"Drive."

----------

Eden hadn't gotten intoxicated much since she left Bridgeport. Probably less than five times. She had spent so much of her time there drinking, going to parties. But with her school schedule and everything that had been going on... She didn't seem to be able to find time to be as stupid, as careless.

She decided tonight was a perfect opportunity to make up for it. To drink away what Alec had done. To become accustomed to comfortable numbness again. Because she was sick of being a jumpy wreck lately.

"Shouldn't you slow down? Not only are you underage, you're already pretty drunk, Eden."

She glared at Xavier over the top of her glass, her vision slightly blurry.

"That's what the fake ID is for. And as for me being drunk, I'm not."

She completely was. Maybe not as much as she could be, but that's what she was trying to fix.

"....Right."

His voice was disbelieving, but she brushed it off. She hadn't seen anyone that she knew, and for that she was completely thankful. She missed her best friend desperately, but she didn't know how to face her right now. She could predict Kiara's bright blue eyes seeing right through her.

She tipped the glass up, draining what was left in the bottom of it. Xavier watched her with tired eyes, finally sighing softly.

"Are you going to talk to me at all?"

At that, she turned to face him.

"What... About.. what?"

She said the words slowly, the pieces falling into place as she did. She knew exactly what he was talking about. His 'are you okay' spiel again. What fun this would be. He seemed lost in his head for a second, not saying anything. Like he was searching for exactly the way he should word it.

"You aren't acting like you."

She exhaled, setting the glass down on a table and turning away. Towards the exit of the garden. The heavy footsteps behind her, told her he was following. 

"Just leave me alone, Xavier. Please?"

She took in a breath, blowing it out slowly. The footsteps didn't cease. They never did with this guy.

"I'm not letting you leave this party drunk, first of all."

He caught up to her, and he reached towards her, but she sidestepped him.

"Please. Don't touch me."

He dropped his hand to his side and she crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for him to speak. To fill the silence between them with something. When it was clear he wasn't going to, she scoffed and looked back towards the party, not wanting her eyes anywhere near his.

"There's nothing wrong with me. I promise. Can you just take me home?"

"You keep saying that, but it's obvious that there is. You never say please about anything. You have this sudden aversion to being touched. You can't look in the mirror for very long, and you keep closing your eyes and counting to yourself.

You're alone all the time, and you can't focus on your schoolwork. You're actually apologizing for things.

How can you keep saying that there's nothing wrong with you?"

As he finished speaking, Eden noticed she had been staring at him the entire time. She tightened her arms across her chest, trying to formulate a response. The only thing that seemed to come to her mind were questions. 

And this guy was pretty much the epitome of not having any answers.

"How do you even know any of that? How do you even notice anything like that about me?"

"I pay attention to you."

His response was deadpan, like he didn't even have to think twice about it.

"Because you're my stalker."

She was being sarcastic, but he shook his head in agitation.

"No. For fuck's sake, Eden."

She was taken aback by the profanity. He never cussed, ever. She had been kidding, but the way he said it didn't sound like he'd taken offense. She wanted to ask why, at least part of her did, but she thought better of it.

"I just want to go home, Xav."

He pulled the car keys out of the pocket of his jeans and sighed. His eyes wandered to the street, watching a few cars pass by. She wanted to take them out of his hands and drive herself home, but she refrained. 

"If keeping whatever this is to yourself is getting you through it, I guess I can't make you talk to me."

He looked back at her face. 

"Come on. I'll take you back to your apartment."

He took the cement steps down to the street and Eden watched him, fighting again with those stupid things in her head. The emotions, the words, this new found pain.

"I'm not used to feeling things. Especially hurting. I need you to understand that."

She called the words out to his back, her voice shaking in the night air. He stopped, but didn't turn around, and Eden couldn't seem to move at all.

"I'm not used to being afraid, or sad, or anything at all."

I'm not used to being anything at all.

He turned back to look at her, his face blank. Contained. Always so contained.

"You are the most enigmatic girl I have ever met, Eden Simon."

She didn't understand the response. What it had to do with absolutely anything she had just said. She was difficult to understand? What did that have to do with not being able to feel and then being altered into feeling way too much?

"Come here. Let's go."

It took her a second, but she finally got her legs to cooperate with her brain, following him to his car.

"Unless you have somewhere you actually need to be, I have another idea."
-------------