2-10: Breakaway

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray
I could breakaway

---------------------
"You look adorable in that, you know."

Nash took the graduation cap off of her head, tossing it on the floor of Rain's bedroom. She rolled her eyes at Rain's comment, shrugging out of the gown and tossing it next to the cap.

"I look like an over-sized marshmallow or something. I'm so glad we're done with this and I never have to wear it again."

Rain followed her suit, folding the outfit neatly and putting it in the bottom of her closet. She wasn't exactly sentimental about it, but she also didn't want to be careless with something she knew her parents had spent so much money on.

She walked out of the closet, making her way onto the bed next to her best friend. Nash looked distracted, and she wasn't even sure why. She knew there was a party or something tonight, and she also knew there was some kind of guy Nash had a thing for that would be there, but Nash wasn't giving up any details.

And Rain wasn't one to push.

But she also wasn't going. She'd had enough of going to parties she didn't want to go to. It did next to nothing for the anxiety that took over her life a good part of the time.

"Are you ready for London? Packed and everything?"

Rain was just about to answer when a crashing sound issued from the other side of the second floor. Which only meant one thing. It was coming from Storm's room. She quickly tossed the pillow aside she had pulled onto her lap, her feet hitting the floor. When she made it to Storm's room, the door was standing partially open.

She put her hand against the wood, pushing softly. As it swung open, her mouth dropped. 

"What?"

Storm was on her bed, and she was on top of an all too familiar red headed guy. Ryan's brother. His little brother who caused more trouble and chaos than he did anything else. Since when was he and her sister a... thing?

The table next to her bed had fallen on the floor, and the lamp that had been on it was broken in pieces. So that explained the crash, but it explained nothing else. 

Storm quickly moved off of Discord, glancing around the side his shoulder. She pulled the blankets that had been carelessly tossed aside over both of them.

She sat up, and Discord seemed disoriented as he followed her lead.

"Rain! What are you doing in here?"

Rain's face had to hold more confusion than her words as she spoke, gesturing to the table on the floor and the door at her side.

"I heard a crash and you left your door open and..."

Storm brushed a piece of disheveled hair out of her face, glaring at Discord with a look that said the crashing was probably his fault. He grinned at her, and the look she gave him quickly turned to disgust.

"You didn't close the door?"

Her voice was a growl, and Rain backed up out of the doorway in response, reaching for the handle.

"Nope."

Storm reached behind her, throwing the pillow she had been laying on at his face. He ducked it, laughing. 

"So now my little sister has seen me naked, thanks for that."

Rain shook her head, staring at one of them and then the other.

"I didn't see anything. I swear."

Discord looked up at her, his face amused. 

"I'm sure you didn't. Let's keep that affirmation in place though. No one needs to know about this."

Storm scoffed, pulling the blankets up over her face.

"Oh, just get the fuck out of my bed, Discord. Go away."

He turned his gaze to her, and Rain couldn't see the look on his face, but she wasn't sure that she wanted to. He tossed the blankets off of him that Storm had placed there, and Rain dropped her eyes to the floor so she wouldn't have to see more than she bargained for. Her cheeks were bright red as she closed the door, making her way back to her room.

She hadn't seen her sister naked, but she had seen enough. More than she wanted to. A piece of her felt like she had just had something confirmed. 

If her sister was with Discord, she could never be with Ryan. Not to mention Kiara and her uncle Atticus had an entire family already. The Nile/Simon family should not be mixing anymore with the Hunters.

But her sister never listened to much anyway. So why would she care about any of that?

Disappointment crept into her veins, but she tried to ignore it. She hadn't even considered anything like that with Ryan, so why was this playing through her head now. That wasn't what she wanted, and it definitely wasn't what he wanted. He'd made that clear.

"What happened?"

Rain's eyes rose to Nash's face and she shrugged a shoulder in response.

"Nothing. Everything's fine. Just another day in this family, I guess."

Nash tilted her head, raising an eyebrow.

"Why do I feel like that isn't a good thing?"

Rain couldn't help but laugh at her tone, rejoining her on the bed.

"Because it never is."

--------------------

Storm couldn't seem to meet Rain's eyes over breakfast a few weeks later. The family seemed broken without Thaddeous, but they always met anyway. And Storm was obvious with the way she kept her eyes on the cereal in the bowl in front of her. 

Rain swirled the orange juice in her glass quietly, wishing she could just go to school to escape the choking awkwardness. There was no escape. but there would be, in just a few days.

The only thing that brought both girls out of their reveries was Eden clearing her throat from her end of the table. Both sisters looked up at her, and her face was clouded with something. There were shadows under her eyes and she wasn't wearing any makeup. Which was something their mother almost never went without.

Rain knew it was because her son was still missing. How could it not be? Except for the occasional check in by text, no one had heard from him. And it was wearing their mother thin.

"Are you two gonna tell me what's up? Because I can literally feel the tension."

Xavier looked up from his coffee, his forehead creasing. Apparently he hadn't noticed anything at all.

"Is something going on, girls?"

Rain and Storm exchanged a look, and Storm moved her head, barely. Enough to indicate that she didn't want Rain to speak a word about what she saw. What she had come to know was still going on, consistently. Discord had been in and out of the house more times than Rain could count.

Rain mimicked her movement, but noticeably, so her parents could see it.

"Nothing is going on. I'm just worried about Thaddeous."

She never lied to her parents. Not that it was a complete lie, but it also wasn't really what was on her mind this morning. She was worried that they'd see right through it. Storm's voice piped up, nodding in agreement.

"Me too."

Eden narrowed her eyes at Storm, and it was written all over her face that she didn't believe her. 

"....Alright."

There were so many lies in this family. So many lies in everyone around her. If they weren't lying to each other, they were lying to themselves. 

Rain had lost her appetite. Probably because she lied, and her moral compass was screaming in disagreement with the action. Rain looked up at her dad, and then at her mom, finally putting her eyes on her sister. And as she did, something clicked in her head.

Maybe they weren't the only ones lying to themselves.

 She pushed her plate away from her, glancing at her mom before getting to her feet.

"I need to go take care of something with Nash, I'll be home in a few hours. Okay, mom?"

She walked over to her mother, bending slightly to press a kiss to her cheek.

"I love you."

Eden seemed almost startled by the action, but she reached out and squeezed Rain's hand.

"I love you too, Rain."

Rain walked over to the door, grabbing the keys to the Mercedes her parents had finally gotten her for her birthday. She reached for the doorknob and looked back towards the kitchen, sighing.

She wasn't going to Nash's. She was going to say goodbye to Ryan.

She had promised, after all. Hadn't she?

------------------

"Rain?"

It was probably way too early for her to be showing up at his place, and she knew it. He didn't sleep much as a vampire, but she also knew early mornings weren't really his thing.

He leaned out the door, glancing at her. He was so tall, he basically dwarfed her.

"What's going on? Why are you here?"

Rain stood awkwardly on his doorstep, and before she knew it, tears were in her eyes. Just like they usually were. She always could find something to cry about. Something to feel. And this time, she knew it was going to get her nowhere.

"I..."

She froze in her speech, staring at his face. And all the words she had tried to prepare dissipated like smoke.

"You asked me to say goodbye."

Ryan opened the door the rest of the way, gesturing inside, but Rain shook her head.

"I'm not staying. I just..."

She hesitated for a second, weighing her choice in her head before she followed through with it. She stepped closer to him, and the height difference between them was ridiculous. But it was almost as if Ryan anticipated her action. 

He leaned down to her and she kissed him, tears falling softly on her cheeks. He went to put his arm around her waist, but she stepped away. It was over almost as fast as it started.

But she wasn't going to stand here and have him give her another excuse about how this was a mistake. She wiped the tears off of her cheeks with the back of her hand, trying her best to force a smile.

"Goodbye, Ryan."

The words were sad, emotion riding on every syllable. And she knew she probably sounded as pathetic as she looked. She froze for a moment more, just looking up into his eyes.

And then she turned and rushed down the steps so quickly, she didn't even know if he said it back.

----------------

I'll spread my wings, and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

2-9: Words

--------------

Three Months Later

"So how does it feel to know that you made it into the school of your dreams?"

Rain lifted her head off of her bed, looking at Nash, a smile firmly in place. She had finished finals, passed her eighteenth birthday, and was so close to her high school graduation she could feel it in her bones.

It was unreal. The thought that in just four months, she'd be headed to London. For two or three years. Maybe even for longer than that. 


When she had went to finals, she had taken Nash with her this time. She finally had access to her trust, and was able to pay both of their ways and then some. It had been different, not going with Ryan. But she hadn't been very good at being around him much lately.

And it almost felt like he had picked up on it. Seeing as, since they'd gotten home in January, she'd barely seen him.

It just concreted the thought in her mind that their kiss had messed everything up.

And it didn't really affect her anymore. Because she didn't really think about it. But when she did...

"It feels like I don't want to leave my best friend behind for this."

She rolled over onto her stomach, poking Nash in the cheek.


"I'll miss you. And you better let me come and see you. God knows I won't know how to make it without you here. Adriana and Kelsey are terrible to handle with you here. I might end up in prison for murder with you gone."

Rain laughed and shook her head, her fingers brushing over the pillow next to her.

"No going to prison for you, Nash. 

But, yes, you are going to come and see me. As much as possible. I'll miss you every single day. You're like half of me."

She sighed, pulling the pillow into her lap.

"It's terrifying knowing that I'll be in this big, fancy school in another country where I don't know anyone."

Well, she knew one person. Hawthorne. But what Ryan had said about him had put this little flicker of doubt in her stomach. She had promised him a date if she got in. 

And, she had.

And she was going to go through with it. Why shouldn't she? She'd be alienated enough, and at least she would know one person there. Even if it was someone one of her friends 'didn't trust'.

"You'll be okay though, Rain. You are so good at what you do. You literally put the rest of them to shame. I saw it."

Nash reached over, putting her hand on Rain's.

"It's scary, but as we've both said a million times, it's what you were meant to do."

Rain smiled, turning her hand over and squeezing Nash's.

"It is. You're right. I'll survive."

The comment her grandfather made to her mother surfaced in her mind. That that was what her mom was good at doing. What she'd always done. It made her wonder if maybe that was something she could have inherited from her mom. Resilience.

It seemed to be, but she couldn't be sure. She hadn't been through much. Not really. Not in the scheme of things.

And it almost made her feel guilty that she didn't know what her mom had been through. Eden was definitely far from an open book, but still. Shouldn't Rain have been let in on some things?

The light of Nash's phone screen cut through Rain's inner monologue, and Nash's eyes widened. She pulled her hand from underneath Rain's and hesitated for a moment before looking up at her best friend.

She turned her phone screen around so Rain could see the message written there, and Rain's stomach dropped.

"Not again."

------------------

"You look comfortable in there, maybe I should just leave you."

Storm crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at her little brother. He was safely behind steel bars and it was probably a good thing in her eyes. Rain looked at Storm and then at Thaddeous, wishing she could melt into the concrete wall behind her.

"Arrested for drugs with a 50,000 dollar bond, Thaddeous. You're lucky that I came here instead of dad to pick you up. He's furious."

He was also lucky that Carter was their grandfather, and could get Thaddeous off without any permanent consequences. Even though he probably should have some.

The bars slid open and Thaddeous was looking at both of his sisters like he wanted to punch them. The guy behind the desk fixed Thaddeous with a judgmental stare, and Rain stood in silence while everything was worked out and they released him.

They were almost to Storm's BMW in the parking lot when she unloaded on him, her voice causing a few birds that had been perched around to fly off in surprise.

"Why would you do this?! What is so bad about the life our parents gave you that you're willing to throw it all away for drugs?"

Thaddeous attempted to push past her, and get in the car, but Storm shoved him roughly away from her. Rain was taken aback by just how hard she had done it, and Thaddeous stumbled.

"No. You are going to talk about this, you asshole. You can't keep doing whatever you want and expect none of us to notice."

Rain winced at Storm's words, staring at the two of them. She backed up against the BMW, anchoring herself against the cold metal with her hands behind her.

Thaddeous's eyes were cold as he responded. He straightened up, crossing his arms over his chest, his words dripping malice.

"Storm. Shut the fuck up. For once. 

Shut. The fuck. Up."

He finally moved past her, but this time, he didn't head for the BMW. Instead, he walked straight for road, following it in the opposite direction of their house.

Storm let out a groan, exasperated.

"Where the fuck are you going?!"

Thaddeous turned to face them, walking backwards.

"As if anyone actually fucking cares."

He sent a wave in their direction, spinning back to walk the way he had been going. He found the corner of the two busy streets and turned, disappearing from view.

Storm's face was bright red from anger and she faced Rain, her jaw tight.

"Let's go home, doll. Let him find his own way there."

Rain nodded once, releasing her grip on the metal of the car. She'd squeezed it so hard, her hands were sore. She stopped in front of the passenger door of the car, looking once more at the corner where Thaddeous had disappeared.

She didn't know what was going on with him, and it scared her. 

Sure, Storm could be reckless, and so could Nash. But Thaddeous was taking it to an entirely different level. Rain was worried, but she knew she couldn't do anything. She was always the powerless one, after all.

"He'll be fine, Rain. Get inside. He'll come home."

The wind blew Rain's hair into her face and she sighed. She wanted her brother to reappear, to say that he wanted to go home with them, but he didn't. Maybe he just didn't feel like their home was his anymore.

She couldn't say that she did either.

She shut the door to Storm's car quietly behind her and looked over at her sister, her chest heavy.

"I hope so."

----------------

"How long has it been?"

Rain looked up at Ryan, letting out an unrecognizable noise.

"Three weeks. But Storm said she's heard about him from her friends and he's fine."

Rain didn't sound very convinced. Because she wasn't. Ever since he had walked away that day, she'd been worried about her little brother. She wasn't even sure what her parents were doing about it, but she knew that they had fought.

It carried through the walls even if they didn't think that it did.

Rain pulled her phone out of her pocket for probably the eight hundredth time, but the screen was blank like it had continually been. He wasn't going to talk to her. He wasn't going to talk to any of them. 

"Rain, put that down. It's not making this any easier for you. Thaddeous is going to have to learn for himself what it's really like to not have this life your parents have given him.

He'll be back. I know he will."

Rain looked up from her phone, her face colored with irritation. Her words fell through her lips and she was surprised by the anger in them.

"You don't know that. Everyone keeps saying that, but none of you actually know. So stop trying to make things better when you know it could be a lie.

I guess I'm the only one that cares if he lives or dies!"

Rain could feel her chest tip straight toward a meltdown, anxiety flaring like a burning coal.

"Rain, you know that isn't true. We all care about him being alive too."

Rain could feel the angry tears burn her eyes and she pushed away from the kitchen table, leaving her phone on the wooden table top.

She was so sick of crying. Sick of feeling anything at all. She hadn't even wanted to talk to Ryan at all, but he had shown up when he caught news of Thaddeous's disappearance. It still wasn't easy to be around him. Wasn't easy to look at him. 

She was only a few steps away from the kitchen table when she heard him say her name under his breath. She whipped around to look at him, holding back her tears with everything she had.

"What. What did I do now?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, getting to his feet and pushing the chair he had been sitting in back under the table. He left his fingers wrapped around the top of it, speaking to the table instead of her.

"You didn't do anything. But it's becoming very obvious that I have. Every time you're around me, you lose your cool. I've never seen you get so upset so easily. 

So my guess is that it's something I have done.

And I don't know what it is, because it happened before I kissed you.

So, maybe you could let me in on it.

Because I'm pretty confused."

Rain stiffened for a moment as his eyes finally lifted to her face. If she knew what it was, she would have told him. But she didn't. She was just as confused as he was saying that he was.

"I don't know Ryan."

She said the words quietly, finally cutting off his gaze into her eyes. His hands tightened around the chair in front of him, and he shook his head. Once.

"I think that you do."

Rain mimicked his head shake, but with vehemence. Tears were seconds from falling, and she really didn't want him to see it. Not again. 

"I don't."

Ryan let go of the chair, grabbing his car keys out of the pocket of his jacket. He tilted his head, catching her stare one last time.

"Alright, well. I'll see you around. Make sure you say goodbye to me before you leave for London. Please."

Rain watched him walk over to the door, something sitting there on the tip of her tongue. She had words for him, but didn't know how to articulate them. But she knew, somewhere in the back of her mind, she had something to say.

And it was important.

But she didn't. Instead she watched him leave, waving goodbye through the window as his car left her driveway.

-----------------

It's so loud inside my head
With words that I should have said
And as I drown in my regrets
I can't take back the words I never said

2-8: People Help The People

Oh, and if I had a brain
I'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool
That turned all those good hearts away
-----------------------
"Shouldn't you be resting or something? Not practicing? Aren't you going to be exhausted?"

Rain dropped back to flat feet from pointe, looking over her shoulder briefly at Ryan. She'd ducked out of their room before the sun rose and went to shower and practice before the audition. It was only an hour away and the anxiety from last night had never quite left her chest.

"No. This is what I've trained my body to endure, Ryan. I'll be fine.

It's called warming up."

She turned back to the banister in front of her, trying to concentrate on what she had been doing just moments before. 

But now she was aware of the vampire's presence. And it was distracting. She slipped out of her pose, frustration on her face.

"Warming up for three hours?"

"Ryan. I'm trying to practice. Can you please leave me by myself for that? You make me nervous."

His face was collected, but he leaned against the door he had come through, tilting his head.

"You're about to be watched by a panel of judges. You can handle that but not me?"

She turned back to the mirror in front of her, his eyes catching hers in the reflection.

"It's different."

Ryan raised an eyebrow, smirking.

"You always say that, but never have a reason why it is. I'm guessing this is no different?"

She dropped her eyes from his.

"It is."

"Okay then. I'll go."

The door made an audible creak as he opened it, but it never fell shut. She looked back up in the mirror to find him looking at her again. It made that stupid drop her stomach kept doing happen again and she bit down on her lip.

"What? You're staring at me."

He shrugged one shoulder, but nodded.

"Just can't wait to see you out there, that's all.

You're going to kill it, remember?"

She laughed quietly, returning the smile he sent her way.

"I remember."

His smile widened even more and he nodded again, letting the door fall shut behind him. But she heard what he said before he disappeared.

"Just make sure you don't forget."

----------------------

"Rain Olivia Nile?"

Rain nodded once at the woman sitting in the middle of the judging panel, trying her best to smile. But mostly she just wanted to vomit. Not that now was the time for that. 

You can vomit afterwards, first you gotta make it through this.

She looked out over the crowd at the seats in the giant room, but she couldn't see anyone. The lights were too bright. Most of her line of vision consisted of the stage surrounding her and the four people determining her fate in front of her. The people on the stage with her weren't even a concern.

They were good, she'd seen them. But she was better. She almost felt bad for thinking it, but she couldn't help it.

"Okay. You all can begin any time."

The music swelled around her and Rain was instantly drawn in. Her pirouettes and turns coming out far cleaner than they should have. Because in the back of her mind, she knew Ryan was right in a way. But practicing for that long was the only way she knew how to relieve that anxiety.


Not that it was there now.

All she felt was the determination coursing through her veins. She was unaware of any of the other people auditioning at the same time as her. She was completely alone in her mind.

She needed this. She needed it more than anything she'd ever needed in her life. It was what she was born to do. What she had trained her whole life for.

And in those moments on that stage, she felt as if it could come full circle.

The music ended and she landed her last move and her heart was beating so quickly in her chest, she could barely hear the clapping coming from the seats in front of her. It started quietly but quickly came from directions she wasn't even expecting. 

Her cheeks flushed and she turned around from the stance she was in to face the front of the room. Someone cleared their throat, and she placed the action on the man sitting on the far end of the line of judges. He leaned forward, pulling the wire-rimmed glasses off of his face. His eyes were bright and he wore a smile across his lips.

When he began speaking, the nerves that had disappeared while she was dancing rose to the surface. But she swallowed them down, folding her hands in front of her and trying to catch her breath.

"You... You are extremely talented, Ms. Nile. Did you know that?

You came onto this stage and you were shaking like a leaf. I fully expected you to make at least one mistake.... But you didn't. You executed every move perfectly.

I have never, in my fifteen years of practicing, teaching and judging ballet, seen someone recover and dance like that after being as upset as you clearly were. You were almost... lost in it."

He looked at the people seated next to him, and they exchanged a look between them. Rain wasn't sure what the look meant, or if what he had just said was even a good thing.

He cleared his throat one more time, looking up at her with a genuine smile.

"I think you can assume that you have a spot in the finals. But we will let you know.

Congratulations, Ms. Nile. You did beautifully."

Her cheeks went red again, and she glanced around at the people who had been dancing with her. No one else had been called out individually. No one else had garnered even half the attention she just had.

"Thank you. Thank you so much."

Her voice cracked as she said the words, and she knew that it wasn't even what was supposed to happen. They weren't supposed to give feedback. Not to anyone. And yet, they had. For her.

She rushed off of the side of the stage, running straight into a tall form. She was so excited she couldn't find breath to apologize. She looked up at the person, and met with lavender eyes. 

"Ryan! Did you hear that! They aren't even supposed to do that! Feedback isn't allowed but."

She was breathless still, her words running together and all over the place. And Ryan's face was full of light. He smiled at her, and it radiated through her veins. 

"I saw. You looked absolutely beautiful, Rain. No one else even made an impression, but you... you were perfect."

She knew she was blushing again, and she didn't even care. She threw her arms around him and hugged him as close as she could, her pulse beating against his chest. 

"Ryan, my dreams might come true. I might actually be able to do this. Everything I worked for... Everything I wanted-"

She was silenced in an instant by lips against her own. It took her completely by surprise.

Ryan was... kissing her? She'd never kissed anyone in her entire life. How did she even...

Her body tensed and then relaxed. She lifted her fingers, resting them softly against his neck.

His arms were secure around her, and she couldn't name exactly what he tasted like but it was closer to a feeling than a sweetness.

If that was possible. Maybe it was that light that he exuded. But whatever it was, when he finally pulled away and his touch disappeared... It left her dizzy.


She touched her fingertips to her lips, and looked up at him, her eyes wide.

"Ryan?"

His eyes were just as wide as hers, and he looked almost... ashamed that that had just happened.

"Whoa... I... I didn't mean to do that."

Rain spoke through her fingers, which were still on her lips. Her voice was quiet, unsure.

"You didn't?"

Ryan shook his head, running his hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry, Rain. I got caught up in the moment. We're just friends. I didn't mean to cross that line."

Rain blinked once, staring up at him. Her chest grew heavy and something fell into her stomach that was much different than how he usually made her feel. And it was just as alien. She felt the tears burn her eyes before they fell. The happiness of the audition from moments before the kiss had all but dissipated. Ryan had just replaced it with something else. 

And then taken it away in just a few words.

"Okay."

She pushed past him for the doors to the changing area, but his fingers closed around her arm before she could go very far.

"Rain... Are you mad at me?"

She wiped the tears off of her face with the back of her hand, shaking her head hastily.

"No."

Ryan released her, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"It won't happen again, Rain.

I'm sorry. Congratulations."

She let out a noise, trying to smile, but failing.

"Thanks, Ryan."

She pushed through the doors, that heavy feeling in her chest threatening to explode. She had no idea what was going on inside of her. She should be thrilled, this was her dream. This was her entire future. 

But all she could seem to do, was cry.

Over a kiss. Over a few words.

Over something she could have never anticipated wanting. 

She barely knew Ryan.

And here she was, wishing desperately, out of nowhere, that she could.

--------------------

Rain leaned against the door of the hotel room, staring at the suitcases in front of her. She'd packed everything in less than an hour. She knew from what she had been told, that she was probably going to be back in London in just a few short months. 

Finals were right after her birthday, and then... In September, she might be here for good. For training and then... who really knew where it would take her.

But it was hard to be excited for some reason. Hard to act like she was excited. Ryan's kiss had gotten into her head, and now she was confused. And more distracted than she'd ever been in her life from ballet.

Why did he have to kiss me?

She wasn't even sure if it was the kiss or the words afterward. But something was screwing her up inside. Making her feel like she, once again, wasn't doing something right. Could she have really been that bad? Was she poisonous or something?

She slid down the door to the floor, crawling on her knees over to the suitcases. She zipped the biggest one shut and tried to stop herself from crying, but it wasn't working. She kept going like someone had turned a faucet on in her that never shut off last night.

Her eyes were red and puffy and her head pounded. But she couldn't stop.

Her chest shook with it and she pressed her face against her knees, trying to ground herself. Trying to feel something outside of her own mind. Her emotions were always messed up. She was always upset about something. 

And she despised it. How weak she was.

Rain felt everything way too much.

They have no idea that I'd give anything to be like them. I'd give everything to not have this inside of me.

She removed her face from her knees at the sound of the door opening, glancing up at Ryan's giant frame. His concern was stamped all over his expression and it just made her feel worse.

"Rain, you're crying?"

He hadn't come back to the room last night, so she assumed he'd gone home. But that was obviously not the case.

"I'm fine."

She sat up straight, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"You clearly aren't. What's wrong?"

He knelt down beside her, reaching towards her, but she recoiled.

"Please don't touch me. Please."

He withdrew his hand, dropping it next to his side. Tears slipped down her face again and she took in a shaky breath, getting to her feet.

"I just want to go home."

Ryan straightened up, glancing around the room one last time. He didn't seem to know what to say, and honestly, Rain didn't want him to say anything at all.

"Alright. Let's get you home."

Rain picked her suitcase up, but he took it from her before she could make it to the door. She wanted to protest, but didn't have it in her. She couldn't even really seem to look at him. 

Something in her chest flipped when she tried.

What, exactly, was going on with her?

She couldn't place it, and didn't really know if she wanted to.

Was she crushing on him or something? She'd seen Nash do it with so many guys she lost count when they were thirteen. But she'd never had a crush on anyone. Was this how it felt?

Or was it just that he had acted so despondently to kissing her?

She felt like a misfit toy. Like she would never quite work right. She couldn't respond to anything the way that a normal human would. She felt things so strongly they suffocated her.

The doors to the hotel slid shut and she took in a deep breath of the London air, pressing her nails into her palm.

Whatever it was, needed to die out. She couldn't handle any more pressure.

Especially from within.

Thank God that in just a few months, she'd be away from him and everything else that made her feel like such a freak in California.

The tears finally ebbed on the taxi ride to the airport, and as she climbed out, she glanced over at Ryan. She was finally able to look at him, and she could only think of one thing to say.

"I can't wait to come back."

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