--------------------------------
"Do you really like it here? Staying in Riverview?"
Harpia tangled her fingers in Apollo's hair. He had his cheek firmly pressed to her chest, her pulse echoing underneath his ear.
"No... I think I just kind of got... stuck here.
I came back... and then Amos and the drugs... and the gang shit."
She stilled in her stroking of his hair, her voice quieting considerably.
"Do you miss the road?"
He traced light circles on the skin of her stomach that her shirt had rode up enough to reveal.
"I don't know. I don't miss anything right now."
He pulled his face up to look at her, the smell of whiskey still in the breath that touched his face.
"We cancelled a bunch of shows to be back here. We're scheduled to be in Maine on July 29th and 30th. But we might cancel those too. I don't know what's happening right now."
He reached out to touch her lips with his fingertips, and she kissed them. Her eyes were lit up from the alcohol, but he caught the hint of something else.
"Why does that sound like you're not just talking about the band?"
"Because I'm not."
He pressed his cheek back to her chest.
"You still don't forgive me, do you?"
Harpia moved suddenly beneath him, and he rolled to the side, sitting up. She grabbed the almost empty bottle of alcohol off of the night stand and took a drink, her eyes on the blankets instead of him.
"I don't know, Apollo. The things you said..."
Her eyes met his.
"But that's not important right now. What's important is you feeling better."
"I told you that I'm fine. It is what it is. He's gone."
She reached out, lacing her fingers through his.
"But you're not. I know you better than that. You're angry, but underneath that is something else. You're hurting."
Apollo let out a groan.
"Don't do that."
Harpia's eyes glossed over, and Apollo could see the tears that threatened to spill.
"So, you're telling me, that your best friend just died, and even though your hands were the last one on that gun, you're seriously fine? How stupid do you really think that I am?
You might not be able to tell anyone else, but you can tell me.
It's been a week, not a year.
You're allowed to hurt. Cut the brooding bad boy shit out."
Apollo lifted and dropped one shoulder, laying back on the blankets that Harpia's body had occupied moments before.
"That's my thing though.
I punch holes in walls. I don't get sad."
Harpia leaned over Apollo's face with her hands on either side of his chest, her hair blocking out most of the sunlight in the room.
"You're full of shit."
He wrapped his fingers around a lock of her hair, and her familiar perfume surrounded him just as much as her hair did. Her eyes were trying to read him, and he was trying not to let them. Something about Harpia had always fucked with his head. And now that they were older, it was so much worse.
"Stop looking at me like that. That's the last thing I need right now."
Her forehead crinkled in confusion, but she didn't move.
"Stop looking at you how?"
Apollo released the strand of hair, finally failing at keeping his eyes averted from hers.
"Like you think that you're still in love with me."
Harpia had lowered her head to his chest but she pushed upright at the words, her mouth open. Apollo put his hand on her jaw, pulling her lips to his. She went pliant under his kiss, and even through the whiskey and the cigarettes, he could taste that sweetness from the year before. Against Blake's Jeep, when everything still felt young and innocent and like they had the chance to be okay.
As the seconds passed, and Apollo's pulse climbed into his throat, he knew that he couldn't possibly get out of this. Somehow, Harpia had a found a way into his chest and she'd made a home there. Probably before he'd been old enough to even know that that could happen.
Harpia eventually broke the kiss, pushing her hair behind her ear and allowing light to break the curtain it had made.
"I don't think anything."
He noticed that she was crying, and he wanted to wipe away her tears, but she caught his wrist with her hand as he reached for them.
"I don't think anything," she repeated. "I know."
Her tears wet the front of his shirt, and when she released his wrist, he brushed them away with the back of his hand.
"There's something I need to tell you, Harpia."
She sat up, backing against the pillows on her bed. She pulled her legs to her chest, her forehead finding her knees.
"Not right now, Apollo. Not right now.
Not before you leave again and are gone for God knows how long. Whatever you have to say, it can wait."
Apollo watched her for a long time, her shoulders rising and falling with the tears that didn't seem to be stopping.
"I want to tell you that I'll stay."
"But you won't. And you'll never be able to tell me that."
Apollo got to his feet next to Harpia's bed. He leaned over to her form, touching a kiss to the top of her head.
"You are my home, Harpia. I will always come back to you. You're the only home I've ever known. And that thing you don't want me to say, that's never going away. Everywhere I go, you're with me."
She looked up at him, her cheeks red from the emotion written all over her face.
"I can't wait for you forever, Apollo."
"I'd like to say the same about you, but I'm pretty sure I'd be lying."
She put her legs down flat on the blankets and held her arms out to him, her eyes begging him for what her lips didn't say. He went into them, his lips on the soft skin of her neck.
"I'll miss you. I'm sorry, Harpia.
I'll always be sorry."
She pressed a kiss to his temple, and the tears had finally stopped. Her voice was a whisper in the darkening bedroom.
"I have something to say to you too.
I do forgive you. For everything.
Even if you can't forgive yourself."
Harpia tangled her fingers in Apollo's hair. He had his cheek firmly pressed to her chest, her pulse echoing underneath his ear.
"No... I think I just kind of got... stuck here.
I came back... and then Amos and the drugs... and the gang shit."
She stilled in her stroking of his hair, her voice quieting considerably.
"Do you miss the road?"
He traced light circles on the skin of her stomach that her shirt had rode up enough to reveal.
"I don't know. I don't miss anything right now."
He pulled his face up to look at her, the smell of whiskey still in the breath that touched his face.
"We cancelled a bunch of shows to be back here. We're scheduled to be in Maine on July 29th and 30th. But we might cancel those too. I don't know what's happening right now."
He reached out to touch her lips with his fingertips, and she kissed them. Her eyes were lit up from the alcohol, but he caught the hint of something else.
"Why does that sound like you're not just talking about the band?"
"Because I'm not."
He pressed his cheek back to her chest.
"You still don't forgive me, do you?"
Harpia moved suddenly beneath him, and he rolled to the side, sitting up. She grabbed the almost empty bottle of alcohol off of the night stand and took a drink, her eyes on the blankets instead of him.
"I don't know, Apollo. The things you said..."
Her eyes met his.
"But that's not important right now. What's important is you feeling better."
"I told you that I'm fine. It is what it is. He's gone."
She reached out, lacing her fingers through his.
"But you're not. I know you better than that. You're angry, but underneath that is something else. You're hurting."
Apollo let out a groan.
"Don't do that."
Harpia's eyes glossed over, and Apollo could see the tears that threatened to spill.
"So, you're telling me, that your best friend just died, and even though your hands were the last one on that gun, you're seriously fine? How stupid do you really think that I am?
You might not be able to tell anyone else, but you can tell me.
It's been a week, not a year.
You're allowed to hurt. Cut the brooding bad boy shit out."
Apollo lifted and dropped one shoulder, laying back on the blankets that Harpia's body had occupied moments before.
"That's my thing though.
I punch holes in walls. I don't get sad."
Harpia leaned over Apollo's face with her hands on either side of his chest, her hair blocking out most of the sunlight in the room.
"You're full of shit."
He wrapped his fingers around a lock of her hair, and her familiar perfume surrounded him just as much as her hair did. Her eyes were trying to read him, and he was trying not to let them. Something about Harpia had always fucked with his head. And now that they were older, it was so much worse.
"Stop looking at me like that. That's the last thing I need right now."
Her forehead crinkled in confusion, but she didn't move.
"Stop looking at you how?"
Apollo released the strand of hair, finally failing at keeping his eyes averted from hers.
"Like you think that you're still in love with me."
Harpia had lowered her head to his chest but she pushed upright at the words, her mouth open. Apollo put his hand on her jaw, pulling her lips to his. She went pliant under his kiss, and even through the whiskey and the cigarettes, he could taste that sweetness from the year before. Against Blake's Jeep, when everything still felt young and innocent and like they had the chance to be okay.
As the seconds passed, and Apollo's pulse climbed into his throat, he knew that he couldn't possibly get out of this. Somehow, Harpia had a found a way into his chest and she'd made a home there. Probably before he'd been old enough to even know that that could happen.
Harpia eventually broke the kiss, pushing her hair behind her ear and allowing light to break the curtain it had made.
"I don't think anything."
He noticed that she was crying, and he wanted to wipe away her tears, but she caught his wrist with her hand as he reached for them.
"I don't think anything," she repeated. "I know."
Her tears wet the front of his shirt, and when she released his wrist, he brushed them away with the back of his hand.
"There's something I need to tell you, Harpia."
She sat up, backing against the pillows on her bed. She pulled her legs to her chest, her forehead finding her knees.
"Not right now, Apollo. Not right now.
Not before you leave again and are gone for God knows how long. Whatever you have to say, it can wait."
Apollo watched her for a long time, her shoulders rising and falling with the tears that didn't seem to be stopping.
"I want to tell you that I'll stay."
"But you won't. And you'll never be able to tell me that."
Apollo got to his feet next to Harpia's bed. He leaned over to her form, touching a kiss to the top of her head.
"You are my home, Harpia. I will always come back to you. You're the only home I've ever known. And that thing you don't want me to say, that's never going away. Everywhere I go, you're with me."
She looked up at him, her cheeks red from the emotion written all over her face.
"I can't wait for you forever, Apollo."
"I'd like to say the same about you, but I'm pretty sure I'd be lying."
She put her legs down flat on the blankets and held her arms out to him, her eyes begging him for what her lips didn't say. He went into them, his lips on the soft skin of her neck.
"I'll miss you. I'm sorry, Harpia.
I'll always be sorry."
She pressed a kiss to his temple, and the tears had finally stopped. Her voice was a whisper in the darkening bedroom.
"I have something to say to you too.
I do forgive you. For everything.
Even if you can't forgive yourself."
----------------------------
Apollo knocked softly on the door to Artemis' uptown apartment. San Francisco had been a long commute, but he'd made it. He had days left before he had to make a decision whether to continue the tour. Before he had to return to Hollywood, and the other guys. And face them for the first time since the funeral.
But, while he was in Riverview, and now San Francisco, he had other things to face too.
The door swung open, and a very confused Artemis stared up at her brother with a little girl on her hip that looked so much like her, it was uncanny. The baby looked up at him too, a grin spilling across her chubby face. She reached out for him like she'd seen him a thousand times before.
Something caught in Apollo's throat as Artemis pulled Athena against her chest, her glare on him turning to ice.
"What are you doing here?"
Apollo bypassed her question, his eyes still on his niece.
"Isn't she only four months old? How is she doing that?"
Artemis grimaced, stepping inside of her apartment, the door open now for her brother.
"I don't know. Dad thinks it's the vampire blood. It shouldn't be possible.
Her doctor thinks I'm lying about her age.
She's extremely advanced. But dad said we were too."
Apollo stepped inside of Artemis' apartment, glancing around at all of the baby toys. His sister's plants were scattered around, covered here and there with massive amounts of other baby things.
She rocked Athena on her hip, fixing her eyes back on her brother.
"I have to ask again, why are you here?
You couldn't take the time away from your band to be there when she was born, what made you take time away from it for right now? Or was I just a stop along the way?"
Apollo tried not to let her words touch him, but failed.
"Artemis...
When Icarus came to tell me, I didn't believe him. And then Hale told me that you sent Variance a picture.
But by then, I had already fucked up. I figured it was too late for an apology."
Artemis put Athena in a bouncing mechanism that Apollo couldn't begin to understand.
"And yet, you're in my apartment, four months later."
She turned back to face him, her hands on her hips.
"We've been just fine without you. We had to be."
Apollo winced at her words, watching the bouncing machine lull Athena into sleep.
"I accidentally shot Vega."
He said the words without emotion, and Artemis stared at him like she'd seen a ghost.
"W-What? How? When? Is he okay?"
Apollo shook his head, and when Artemis approached him, he returned her soft hug. She looked up at him, and she was crying. Just like that. With the ease that their mother had for feeling the emotions normal human beings could feel. And they weren't even completely human.
"Are you okay?"
"I will be."
Artemis broke away from his hug, touching his arm tentatively.
"You will. I know you will."
"I came here to tell you that I was sorry, by the way.
I'm sorry that I missed your wedding, and I'm sorry that I missed Athena's birth. Especially after I promised that I wouldn't.
I'm trying this new thing where I quit doing that. Breaking promises."
Artemis smiled at him, and it was so much Rain's smile, just as Athena's had been Artemis'.
"Alright. Well, let's begin with you promising me you won't miss her first birthday party.
And another promise that if you do, I can punch you in the face."
Apollo laughed, pulling her into another hug.
"I promise. Both of those."
-------------------------------
Rhea sat cross-legged on Apollo's bed, and no matter how hard he tried to get rid of her, she wouldn't leave his room.
"I don't understand how you can continue this tour. Your drummer just died, what are you going to do? Learn to drum by yourself? You're talented, but you have no skills with a pair of wooden sticks."
Apollo shot her a dirty look, taking another drink out of the bottle of vodka in his lap.
"You insisted on being in here because you claim we need to bond, and you're sorry for being a psycho.
I'm gonna be the asshole here and point out that we're not bonding, and you're still being a psycho."
Rhea grinned, reaching for the bottle of vodka in Apollo's lap. He held it above her reach, shaking his head vehemently.
"No fucking way. You're sixteen. Go get some apple juice."
"That's not fair! You've been drinking since you were twelve!"
She climbed onto his lap, but he put a hand against her face, shoving her onto his pillows.
"I will not support your deviance, little sister."
A knock from the doorway brought Apollo and Rhea's attention both from their tiny squabble. Rhea huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, a venomous look on her face. Ryan looked between the two of them, and it was clear that he didn't understand how they were within two feet of each other and no one was yelling.
"Apollo... can I talk to you?"
Apollo glanced at his little sister and she shrugged, pulling her cell phone out of her pocket.
"Don't touch anything."
He growled the words, following their father out of his room.
Ryan leaned against the hallway wall, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked at his son.
"Can you explain to me why you haven't talked to me in nearly a year?
And maybe why you avoid me every time you come home?"
Apollo shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, leaning against the opposite wall.
"I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me. Being disappointed in my life choices, and all."
Ryan's face crinkled in confusion.
"What the hell are you talking about?
I'm not mad at you for what happened with Vega. That was an accident. And I'm sure you're beating yourself up enough for any negative opinions you feel anyone else should have."
His expression was serious as he looked at his youngest son.
"I've never been more proud of you, Apollo."
"Well, that's not what you told my brother."
Ryan's eyes went blank, his voice monotone as he spoke again.
"Again, what the hell are you talking about?"
Apollo hesitated for a moment. Realization touching him. Icarus wouldn't... Would he?
Of course he fucking would.
He began to explain, but halfway through, Ryan held out a hand to stop him.
"Where is your brother right now?"
Apollo shrugged, letting out a half-hearted laugh.
"How the hell would I know? I don't talk to him."
He glanced at his father.
"Why?"
"Because when I find him, I'm going to have to stop myself from killing him."
Apollo couldn't determine if his dad was kidding. But before he could ask, Ryan spoke, rapidly and with the seriousness Apollo had inherited so much of.
"I never, once, have not been proud of you. I raised you to know that anything you wanted, you were capable of it. You have talent that no one else in this family could dream of possessing. This has been your dream since you were a little kid, and watching you achieve it has been one of the most powerful things I've ever witnessed.
I love you, Apollo.
I could never not be proud of you, even if I sometimes question the decisions you make.
Icarus lied to you. He has a talent for that, even if he doesn't have any others. Besides maybe fucking things up."
Ryan looked angry, unbelievably so. And for once in Apollo's life, he wondered if maybe that's where his had come from. Besides his aunt Kiara.
"I... Thank you, dad."
"You're welcome.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a different son that I need to see.
And you have some more dreams to chase.
Which, speaking of, there's one waiting for you downstairs."
Apollo looked toward the stairs in confusion.
"What?"
Ryan's smile lit up his eyes.
"You'll see."
--------------------------------
And all beauty fades And everything changed But you'll always be mine You know you'll always be mine
Rhea sat cross-legged on Apollo's bed, and no matter how hard he tried to get rid of her, she wouldn't leave his room.
"I don't understand how you can continue this tour. Your drummer just died, what are you going to do? Learn to drum by yourself? You're talented, but you have no skills with a pair of wooden sticks."
Apollo shot her a dirty look, taking another drink out of the bottle of vodka in his lap.
"You insisted on being in here because you claim we need to bond, and you're sorry for being a psycho.
I'm gonna be the asshole here and point out that we're not bonding, and you're still being a psycho."
Rhea grinned, reaching for the bottle of vodka in Apollo's lap. He held it above her reach, shaking his head vehemently.
"No fucking way. You're sixteen. Go get some apple juice."
"That's not fair! You've been drinking since you were twelve!"
She climbed onto his lap, but he put a hand against her face, shoving her onto his pillows.
"I will not support your deviance, little sister."
A knock from the doorway brought Apollo and Rhea's attention both from their tiny squabble. Rhea huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, a venomous look on her face. Ryan looked between the two of them, and it was clear that he didn't understand how they were within two feet of each other and no one was yelling.
"Apollo... can I talk to you?"
Apollo glanced at his little sister and she shrugged, pulling her cell phone out of her pocket.
"Don't touch anything."
He growled the words, following their father out of his room.
Ryan leaned against the hallway wall, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked at his son.
"Can you explain to me why you haven't talked to me in nearly a year?
And maybe why you avoid me every time you come home?"
Apollo shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, leaning against the opposite wall.
"I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me. Being disappointed in my life choices, and all."
Ryan's face crinkled in confusion.
"What the hell are you talking about?
I'm not mad at you for what happened with Vega. That was an accident. And I'm sure you're beating yourself up enough for any negative opinions you feel anyone else should have."
His expression was serious as he looked at his youngest son.
"I've never been more proud of you, Apollo."
"Well, that's not what you told my brother."
Ryan's eyes went blank, his voice monotone as he spoke again.
"Again, what the hell are you talking about?"
Apollo hesitated for a moment. Realization touching him. Icarus wouldn't... Would he?
Of course he fucking would.
He began to explain, but halfway through, Ryan held out a hand to stop him.
"Where is your brother right now?"
Apollo shrugged, letting out a half-hearted laugh.
"How the hell would I know? I don't talk to him."
He glanced at his father.
"Why?"
"Because when I find him, I'm going to have to stop myself from killing him."
Apollo couldn't determine if his dad was kidding. But before he could ask, Ryan spoke, rapidly and with the seriousness Apollo had inherited so much of.
"I never, once, have not been proud of you. I raised you to know that anything you wanted, you were capable of it. You have talent that no one else in this family could dream of possessing. This has been your dream since you were a little kid, and watching you achieve it has been one of the most powerful things I've ever witnessed.
I love you, Apollo.
I could never not be proud of you, even if I sometimes question the decisions you make.
Icarus lied to you. He has a talent for that, even if he doesn't have any others. Besides maybe fucking things up."
Ryan looked angry, unbelievably so. And for once in Apollo's life, he wondered if maybe that's where his had come from. Besides his aunt Kiara.
"I... Thank you, dad."
"You're welcome.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a different son that I need to see.
And you have some more dreams to chase.
Which, speaking of, there's one waiting for you downstairs."
Apollo looked toward the stairs in confusion.
"What?"
Ryan's smile lit up his eyes.
"You'll see."
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And all beauty fades And everything changed But you'll always be mine You know you'll always be mine
