3-22: On The Inside

---------------

Apollo stood against the door to the airport, dialing Harpia's number again. He didn't know what the fuck was going on, and she wasn't really cluing him in. Her voicemail clicked on for the third time in a row, and he started speaking before he thought anything of it.

"I hope you're okay. I'm... I'm worried about you."

Apollo looked down at his phone, but he wasn't even sure what he was waiting for anymore.

"Mr. Hunter? We need to leave right now to get to Maryland on time."

He glanced up at the tiny girl who was speaking, but he wasn't even sure who the fuck she was. Someone on the plane, apparently.

"Alright. Give me a second."

Her cheeks turned pink the moment he met her gaze, and she ducked back inside the glass doors with a nod. He shoved his phone in his pocket after one last look. He made it all the way to the steps of the plane when it started to buzz. He pulled it out, stepping back down onto the concrete.

The girl who had spoken to him earlier seemed disappointed, but she went up the steps without another word.

"What's going on? You haven't spoken to me since you vanished that night."

Harpia's voice was distant, and she sounded nothing like herself.

"Amos... he... he didn't make it.

This is all my fault."

Something slammed into Apollo's chest. He wasn't even sure what it was. It was a foreign mixture of guilt, shock, and... relief.

"I'm sorry, Harpia."

It was all he could manage. The only words he knew how to give. He'd never dealt with the death of anyone close to him. His grandma had died when he was little, but he barely remembered her. The most he knew of Eden was that the car he and Harpia had passed back and forth had been given to him by her.

"He was always there. And then he's just fucking gone.

But... I guess I should be used to be that by now."

White hot anger pushed into Apollo's chest, mixing in with the foreign feeling that was there. It wasn't the time to be mad at her. She was upset, and probably wasn't thinking clearly. 

But he had never been the only one who left.

"Apollo, we have to leave. Now. You're going to miss your own show."

Apollo glanced up at the girl, and he didn't know what he was supposed to do. He felt a pull to stay, to take care of her. To go to her and try and fix it. But Harpia wouldn't even let him go with her that night. She sure as hell wouldn't want him there now.

And no matter what Apollo tried, it didn't change anything.

The pull to leave was overriding any thought to stay in leaps and bounds the more he thought about it. 

He could hear Harpia crying on the other end, and she was saying something, but he didn't absorb it.

"Apollo, are you there?"

He exhaled, looking in the direction of her house. He couldn't see it, but he knew exactly where it was. He could have driven there blindfolded.

"I am. But I'm leaving."

Harpia paused, her breath hitching on the other end.

"Okay... I'm sorry about Baltimore. I really wanted to be there."

"Don't worry about it, Sage. I'll be home in August. Hollywood, anyway.

We'll see each other then?"

"Okay. August."

Her voice had softened, but he could still hear the pain. She had said she wasn't sure that she loved Amos. But the sound of her voice told him that something was there he couldn't touch.

He looked up at the sky, toward the horizon, and something in his chest burned in a way he wasn't sure he had felt before. Riverview didn't feel like home anymore. He'd known that for a while. And he wanted nothing more to be free of it. Of all of it.

"Apollo, now."

The voice snapped him out of the reverie he was in and he cleared his throat, turning for the steps.

He wanted to promise her he'd be there for her. That he'd be back for her. But he wasn't stupid enough to think that he could ever fix this. He wasn't even sure he could help her at all anymore.

There had already been so many broken promises.

"Anyway... Take care of yourself."

The door to the plane shut, and he ended the call, her voice fading out with one last goodbye.

---------------------------

"I have a surprise for you."

Apollo glanced up from his guitar at Paige. He'd been trying to tune into it, and tune everything else out. The show in Baltimore had sold out, but it was off for him. Because of Harpia. Because she'd completely fucked with his head this last time. And he wasn't even sure how she'd managed it.

Blake had flown Paige in,  and she'd been obnoxiously around since before the show had even started. Her questions about where he'd been and what he'd been doing burned massive holes in his patience.

He could at least thank Hale for not telling everyone what he'd been doing. He had hopes that he could just forget it. Maybe forget this last time with Harpia had happened at all.

It had been two weeks since she'd told him her boyfriend had died, and she hadn't said a word to him. He only called once, but she never returned it. He'd asked Rhea about Harpia. And Rhea had seen her with Casey, one of her other friends. 

Told Apollo that she looked better. She seemed happier.

So was her sadness an act? Or was she just so fucked up on drugs she didn't care about anything anymore?

Including him.

He set the guitar aside, raising his hands.

"Okay. What is it?"

Paige squealed loudly, opening the door to the bus bedroom. 

And Caelum stepped out, the door shutting softly behind her.

And she looked just as she did when he left her in Hollywood. Just as beautiful as she'd always been. More than that, she looked happy to see him. But her eyes started to dim when Apollo continued to do nothing but stare at her.

"Is this a good thing? This whole... You looking at me that way thing?"

Apollo didn't even know. His head had been full of static for days. 

"It's not a bad thing."

It wasn't really a lie.

"You look good, Caelum."

His eyes traveled back to his guitar, and he spoke in the direction of it.

"I'm gonna finish this song, and then you can tell me what's been up with you."

Paige had disappeared, but Caelum stayed right where she was.

"Can I watch?"

Harpia flitted through his mind, and Apollo had to reel in his inherent response.

"Not this time."

Not this time, Apollo.

Harpia's voice wouldn't even leave his head. It was enough to make him want to smash it repeatedly into a wall. He looked back up at Caelum, holding his hand out to her.

"On second thought, the song can wait."

Her eyes widened slightly, but she recovered quickly.

"That's what I like to hear."

----------------------

Apollo took his lips off of Caelum's neck, groaning in frustration at the never ending vibration of his phone. He'd been ignoring it for an hour, focusing on her. She was the only thing that was making anything better. Even alcohol wasn't doing it for him.

He'd kept Caelum on tour for weeks, now. He'd told her he didn't want her to leave, and she'd been more than happy to stick around.

He didn't know what the point of it was. Using her to feel something other than white noise was probably fucked up in some way. But he didn't feel the least bit guilty about it.

He pulled away and sat up, watching Caelum's lips turn into a simper.

"If I don't answer it, they're just going to keep fucking calling. And then we'll never get anywhere."

She rolled her eyes, huffing out her next words.

"Just turn it off. Whoever it is cannot be more important than me getting naked."

Apollo smirked, reaching to the bedside table for his phone. He expected it to be Hale. Hale loved to call him when he was trying to hookup with Caelum. He thought it was hilarious.

But it wasn't Hale.

Apollo glanced at Caelum and scooted to the edge of the bed, shaking his head.

"I have to take this. I'm sorry, Caelum. I'll be right back."

She looked less than impressed, pressing her fingertips to her eyes.

"Hurry up, please."

He nodded, making his way over to the door. The moment the line clicked on, Harpia's voice came through. And she sounded like she was ten different types of fucked up.

"Polly! I miss you."

Apollo didn't reply. He leaned his head back against the wall outside his hotel room with a sharp smack. Harpia didn't even seem to notice, and her voice bubbled with her obvious high.

"How have you been? How's the tour?"

He could hear music in the background, and muffled voices he vaguely recognized.

"Why are you calling me, Harpia?"

He asked the question softly, but in the quiet hallway it seemed to echo. She paused before answering, her voice dropping slightly in pitch.

"I told you... I miss you."

Apollo tried to weigh his words carefully, to keep the anger out of his voice, but he was pretty sure he was failing.

"If you missed me so much, where the fuck have you been for the last six weeks?"

Harpia must have walked away from the source of the music, because her voice came through perfectly clear when she spoke again.

"My fucking boyfriend died, are you serious right now?"

"And you can talk to everyone but me? Even Hale?"

Harpia's voice slid into tears in what seemed like microseconds.

"I'm trying to say something right now."

"Yeah... When you're high as a kite."

Her voice broke as she tried to respond, but Apollo cut her off.

"How did you-"

"I'm not fucking stupid."

He shook his head, even though he knew she couldn't see him.

"Actually, on second thought, maybe I am."

Look what I'm fucking doing right now.

"What's your problem, Apollo? Why are you being so mean to me?"

She was crying harder now, her voice breaking on every syllable. He sat down on the floor, trying to come up with a response. One that made actual sense.

"I don't know."

"I didn't do anything, I just... I needed time to heal. I still do. But you're my best friend, and I need you too. 

Maybe this phone call was a mistake. Maybe the drugs are speaking for me, and I don't miss you at all.

I should go."

Apollo closed his eyes and dropped his head into his hand, rubbing his forehead.

"...Maybe you should."

The end of her line grew so quiet, Apollo thought she had hung up. But she didn't, and the hitch in her breath when she finally started talking again twisted his stomach into knots.

"Do you not love me anymore?

Do you not miss me?

You promised..."

Apollo's mouth went dry and his eyes snapped open, glued to the wall opposite him. He tried to force something out of his throat, but nothing came out. Her voice dissolved into so many pieces, he could hear it in her whisper.

"I guess that answers my question. Goodnight, Polly."

And then, she was gone.

---------------

Nothing faster than the speed that you're leaving
A hundred miles an hour
And there ain't no slowing down
But you can't outrun yourself
Yeah, you can say you fit in like a joker in the deck but now
You're skipping like a broken record going round
And you're the last to ask for help

3-21: August

-----------------------------

Someone knocked softly on the door to Apollo's room, and he looked up from the notebook he was writing in. Well, trying to.

"Come in."

Rain's face peeked out from the edge of his old bedroom door, and Apollo quickly slid the bottle of vodka he'd been searching for a muse in behind the lamp on his desk.

"Harpia's downstairs. She said she wants to talk to you."

Apollo's mouth went dry and he nodded, getting up from his desk. He took the stairs slower than he wanted to behind his mother, but he hit the bottom one before he noticed Harpia leaning against the front door. He walked over to her, stuffing his hands in his pockets to keep from touching her.

"Hey, Sage."

She brightened instantly, waving at him.

"Hey, Polly."

She glanced over at Rain, who was seated on the couch, reading a book.

"Can we... go somewhere and talk?"

Apollo followed her gaze, nodding once. The minute the door shut behind them, Harpia put her hand in Apollo's. Something heavy dropped into his stomach and he swallowed hard, walking down the sidewalk toward the old abandoned house he skated at.

Cars zipped by on the road beside them, and he kept his eyes on the concrete beneath his shoes. Harpia remained quiet until the creaky old door of the house shut behind them.

"You bought me a car."

She released his hand and he continued through the house, all the way into the back where the old, empty pool was.

"It's just a car."

He said it simply, but he knew she didn't see it so simply.

He sat on the edge of the pool, and she sat next to him, distance between them. She was quiet for a while, and her words she finally gave made that heavy feeling in his stomach solidify further.

"I love Amos. At least... I think I do."

Apollo finally looked at her, laughing under his breath.

"You have an impressive way of showing that. Fucking me."

His words were colder than he meant for them to be, and he could tell by her face that she felt the impact of them.

"We have an open relationship."

He ran a hand through his hair, looking into the empty depths of the pool again.

"Whatever you want to call it, Harpia."

She slid her hand over toward Apollo's on the edge, but he moved his before she could touch it. She recoiled, putting both hands in her lap.

"He loves me."

Apollo felt anger pulsing at the edges of his vision in an instant, and he glared at her.

"Is that what you needed to talk to me about? I'm sure you aren't surprised that I really don't fucking care."

She shook her head, and he noticed for the first time that her eyes looked sad.

"I wanted to tell you that I'm glad you came to see me."

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I'd do anything for you.

Character flaw."

He got to his feet, patting down his pockets until he found his cigarettes. He held one out to her before lighting his own, and she took it.

"I loved you too, Apollo. But you didn't love me.

And you broke every promise that you made. Things changed."

Apollo took the lighter from her when she was done, taking care not to touch her skin.

"You have no fucking idea how I felt, Harpia."

She blew a gray plume of smoke into the air, shaking her head.

"The problem is that you didn't, either."

Apollo kicked a rock into the pool, avoiding looking at her at all costs.

"You can stop. We don't need to do this. I know where we stand, I'm not an idiot."

Harpia laughed, but it was humorless.

"I'm glad that you do."

Apollo looked down at her, trying really hard to reel in the scoff he wanted to make.

"I'm serious. I'm pretty fucking sure that I love Amos, he's a good guy. He got me through some rough shit. But now I'm confused. That's what I really wanted to talk to you about. It's like, I don't want you to leave now. I would have been fine with it, but now I don't know."

Apollo sat back down next to her the sounds of the traffic outside of the broken down house ringing in his ears.

"You should come to Baltimore with me Friday."

He hadn't meant to say it, but it had come out anyway. Her eyes shot to his face, and she tilted her head.

"That's still you leaving."

Apollo nodded once, flicking the cigarette in his hand into the pool.

"But it's also you coming with me."

She leaned toward him carefully, relaxing when Apollo allowed her to put her head on his shoulder.

"Okay."

He reached over, taking the cigarette out of her hand and tossing it where he'd tossed his own. He threaded his fingers through hers, pushing the hair that had fallen in her face out of it.

"Okay."

The pulse of her heartbeat pressed into his wrist where hers touched, and he cleared his throat.

"You wanna stay with me tonight?"

She lifted her head to look at him, nodding.

"Yeah. I do."

----------------------------

Waking up with Harpia on his chest threw Apollo for a loop the moment his eyes opened. He glanced down at the sandy brown hair looped around his fingers, her chest rising and falling steadily against his own, and for a moment he almost thought it was Caelum. 

But it wasn't. 

Speaking of Caelum, he had a multitude of texts on the screen of his phone when he reached for it, threading his fingers out of Harpia's hair to check the device.

He scrolled straight past them, to the singular one from Hale.

-Call me, asshole.-

He maneuvered out from underneath her, running a hand through his hair.

Someone was eventually bound to figure out that he had skipped out in the middle of the night. He should have known it would be Hale first.

The phone rang three times, and Hale's responding voice was lilting.

"Where the fuck are you?"

He glanced over at Harpia's sleeping form, her hair covering her face.

"Riverview."

He kept his voice at a whisper, but Hale didn't bother.

"Why? Why the fuck would you-

No.

She has a man, Apollo. You're not actually doing anything with her, right?

She's not even talking to you."

Apollo cleared his throat, and Harpia stirred in her sleep, turning over.

"Nothing happened last night."

He didn't bother clarifying, but Hale's scoff indicated he understood without any kind of clarification.

"You're a fucking idiot."

His voice was so loud through the receiver, Apollo crossed to his bedroom door, and went outside. He leaned against the wood, his eyes scanning the top floor of his family's house for signs of activity. But there wasn't any.

"It's complicated, Dalton."

He gave another scoff, and something rustled on the other end.

"What are you, a fucking chick? 

She has a boyfriend. It's not too complicated for me to understand what the fuck you did, Hunter."

Apollo heard the sound of Harpia saying his name through the door, as soft as it was.

"Look. I have to go. I'll deal with your lecture when I get to Baltimore."

The line clicked without Hale responding. Apollo knew his reaction had to do more with what he'd been through with his ex, than Apollo's current situation. He stuffed his phone in the pocket of the jeans he was still wearing from the night before, opening the door. Harpia was sitting up in his bed, eyes on her own phone. She tossed it aside when he shut the door behind him, walking over to her.

"Everything okay?"

He shrugged one shoulder, reaching out and brushing her hair out of her eyes.

"It is now."

Harpia rolled her eyes, laying back in the mess of Apollo's bed.

"You're always going to be lame, aren't you? You have a whole lot of sweet hidden underneath that broody vampire exterior."

"I'm not sweet. And I'm not broody."

Harpia pulled the blanket up to her chin.

"I don't know. You remind me of your dad sometimes, actually."

A ripple of anger went through Apollo's chest at her words, and he dropped his eyes to the floor.

"Yeah. Thanks, I guess."

He hadn't even seen him since he'd been home. He wasn't sure if his mother hadn't told Ryan he was coming home for a few days, or if Ryan was still avoiding him because of the shit Icarus had told him that his father felt.  He hadn't even spoken to him at all since he'd left on tour.

"It's not a bad thing. Your dad is a good guy."

Apollo got to his feet, exhaling loudly.

"I don't want to talk about this."

He shoved his shoes onto his feet, glancing around for his car keys to the old Mustang he kept in Riverview. He found them on top of a pile of discarded notebook paper, making his way over to the door.

"You're leaving? What?

Why is that always your solution?"

Harpia sat up quickly, looking around with sleep still in her eyes.

"Alcohol sounds good. I have some stashed at the abandoned house. You can come, you know."

"I take that back. It's not your only solution. The other one involves destroying your liver."

She walked over to him, and he towered above her in the doorway.

"Let's go then, Polly. It's my last day in Riverview for a little bit. Let's make it worth something."

----------------------------------

The sun had set outside of the abandoned house, and Apollo and Harpia lay on their backs in the middle of the broken down living room. Music poured out of Apollo's iPod set in between them, and the second bottle that they'd started was almost empty.

"You talk about me destroying my liver. You're going to kill yourself trying to keep up with me."

Harpia turned onto her side to face him, her words slurred as she spoke.

"Won't stop me, though. And it's not like it'd be a huge loss anyway, right?"

Apollo glanced over at her, her face mostly cast in darkness in the dilapidated room.

"I wish you wouldn't fucking talk like that. I don't want anything to happen to you. Ever. I don't know what I'd do if something did."

Harpia let out a laugh, but Apollo was failing to see the humor in the situation.

"Calm down, Polly. I'm not going anywhere."

She leaned down to kiss his cheek, her breath hot and thick with alcohol. He slid his hand up her back, pushing her down so she was on his chest the way they had woken up.

He opened his mouth to speak, but the high pitched ring of her phone cut him off. She rolled off of him, sifting through the mess next to her for it. She pulled it to her ear, fixing Apollo with a huge grin as she answered.

"What's up, Salem?"

He watched the smile fade from Harpia's face in seconds. She got to her feet, tipping to the side and almost falling down.

"What? No.... Salem, I'll be there soon.... I'm coming."

There were breaks and pauses in her speech, and hot tears started to fall down her face as she kicked things aside, looking for her things that she had brought. She dropped the phone on the ground, and Apollo reached for it, but she snatched it out of his hands the moment he made contact. 

"You can't drive, Harpia. You've had way too fucking much to drink."

Apollo sat up, watching the way her hands shook as she laced her shoes.

"Don't. I have to go. Amos is hurt. Heron is too... I can't... I have to go."

She was choking on her words, and Apollo got to his feet, trying to assist her in finding her things. He pulled her hoodie from underneath his own on the ground, holding it out to her.

"Do you want me to come?"

Harpia rushed over to the door, glancing over her shoulder at him as she pulled it open. She paused in the doorway, the light from the street illuminating the mascara tracks on her face.

"Not this time, Apollo. This has nothing to do with you."

She crossed through the doorway, teetering in her stance, dropping her gaze from his.

"I'm sorry about Baltimore. I'm sorry about all of this."

She slammed the door shut behind her, and a shard of glass fell out of the broken window next to it, shattering on the floor. He ran his hands over his face, staring through them at what he could see of the broken glass.

She'd said she wasn't going anywhere not even half an hour before. But he'd known better.

Because, before that call came through, his response was going to be that she was already gone.

---------------------------

I think about it everyday
I'm what she wants, but she needs him
How can you base what was a lie on trust
Strangers now, lovers in August