3-29: Second Chance

----------------------------------

When Apollo walked down the stairs, Harpia was leaning against his front door. He had a vague sense of deja vu.

"Haven't we done this before? I'm not so sure it went well the last time."

She smiled up at him, clutching something in her hand as she waved. It flashed in the light from his mother's lamps, and he realized it was the toy car. He descended the last step, glancing around the room. It was empty except for the two of them.

"What's going on? Are you okay?"

Harpia rolled the car between both of her hands, biting down on her bottom lip.

"Tomorrow's the 28th, right? You're going back to Hollywood, to meet the guys to go back on tour?"

Apollo nodded, watching Harpia with careful eyes as she continued to play with the car. She walked around him, heading toward the couches. She took a seat, sitting the car on her lap. She glanced over the back of the couch at him, indicating he should sit next to her. He did, but it wasn't without hesitation.

Harpia traced the car from her lap and onto Apollo's, speaking to the faded red metal.

"I don't want you to leave.

I understand that you have to go.

And I believe that you're going to come back to me. And I'm going to wait for you.

I said I couldn't wait for you forever, but I was lying like you said you would be.

I'd wait my entire life for you.

Because, this hope I have for you, it's the only thing in the world that keeps me going.

And, no, I don't want you to go. But I understand that this is your dream. 

And, I believe that this is the only thing in the world that you love like you love me."

Apollo eyes shot from the car to her at the words. She smiled at him, but all he did was stare at her.

"I hate to tear holes in what I'm sure was a carefully constructed speech, but."

He moved the car out of the way, sitting it on the coffee table. He pulled her onto his lap, his fingers tangling in her hair. He pressed his lips to her own, but only long enough to secure the taste of her in his throat before he spoke again.

"You're wrong about that. Because I don't." 

She looked up at him, her eyes wide.

"W-What?"

He smirked, tilting his head as he looked down at her.

"I'm pretty sure you told me that I was supposed to wait to tell you what I had to say, and I think you're right.

So, not now, O'Conner. But soon."

She looked more confused than she had a few minutes before.

"As for this," He picked up the toy car, driving it along the curve of her shoulder. "Am I supposed to take it with me until I get back?"

She nodded, still trying to figure out what he had meant.

"I'm surprised that you kept it."

"I thought about destroying it, but, I have such a stupid soft spot for you that I couldn't."

Apollo put the car in the pocket of his jeans, holding her face in both of his hands as he kissed her again. Her eyes shined in the lamplight the way the car had when she opened them.

"It's four weeks. And then I'll be back for you. I promise."

She put one hand over his, nodding.

"I've waited this long. I can handle four weeks."

"And take care of yourself, okay? I'd like to come home to you in one piece."

She nodded one more time.

"You want to stay here tonight?"

She didn't respond, instead she lifted her lips to his. The tears from her eyes wet the skin of his hands that were still on her jaw, but he didn't mind. He was convinced that this time, those tears meant something else.

She was counting on him. 

And this time, he wasn't going to let her down.

--------------------------------

"Long time no see, Vampire. I wasn't sure you were ever coming home."

Paige stepped back from the door as Apollo stepped through, glancing around the living room he had found himself missing more than he thought he would. He looked back at Paige, setting his bags down against the wall.

"I was home. Just a version of home.

Are you doing okay?"

She looked taken aback.

"You're worried about my well-being? What got into you while you were on your 'time with your family' break?

I'm fine. Well, I'm getting there. I'm in counseling. So is Blake. Because I made him go with me.

Hale just spends all his time locked in his room writing songs and practicing. And doing coke. But that's always been a thing."

She shut the door behind him, walking down the hall and knocking on Hale's door.

"Apollo's home, you two."

She looked back at Apollo, heading for the stairs.

"I'm gonna go get Blake. We'll be right back."

She gave him a weird look right before disappearing into the upstairs hallway.

Hale's door opened, and he and Variance walked out of it. They were hand in hand, which didn't surprise Apollo in the least. He watched them sit down on the couch and stood, his arms crossed, waiting for the rest of his remaining housemates to join them.

Blake took the other chair in the room, and Paige sat down on his lap, looking between all of them.

"So you guys are supposed to continue this tour tomorrow. But I guess I'm gonna be the one to address the elephant in the room.

You don't have a drummer anymore."

Blake and Apollo exchanged a look.

"We don't."

Apollo said the words quietly, his chest heavy. The guys hadn't said anything to him about Vega, but he knew everyone was thinking about it. Accident or not, Apollo couldn't undo what had been done. And Blake and Hale knew it.

Everything would be different. 

"So how do we find a drummer in less than twenty four hours? If you ask me, continuing this tour at all is a fucking mistake. We should have just cancelled the rest of it."

Apollo lifted his eyes to his guitarist, shaking his head slowly.

"Is that really what you think he would have wanted?"

"We don't know what he would have wanted."

Hale scoffed, his eyes settling on Blake too.

"Like hell we don't. You knew Vega just as we did. He would have thought cancelling the tour was ridiculous. Even the shows we already cancelled.

He would have said something like 'the show must go on', and chided us for being this fucking strung out on it.

I know it. You know it. We all do.

This was Vega."

Blake looked at the ground, nodding once.

"I'll give you that, but that doesn't give us a drummer."

Variance spoke up from her position on the couch.

"What about that guy who keeps coming to the fence outside?"

Blake snorted.

"The lunatic who introduced himself by saying , 'I'm a huge fan, I have skills, and I hear you guys have an opening'? Yeah, he sounded promising."

Apollo looked at Blake in confusion, twirling a guitar pick between his fingers that he'd found in his pocket.

"Who the hell are you talking about?"

As if on cue, the buzzer for their gate sounded, and Hale rolled his eyes, walking over to the speaker box.

"How many times do we have to tell you to get lost?"

"I'm gonna keep coming back until you give me a chance."

Apollo didn't recognize the voice, but he recognized the tone of it. The sound of someone who wanted nothing more than to prove himself. Someone who thought they could really do something special. He'd heard that tone in his own voice most of his life.

Hale went to reply but Apollo walked up beside him, speaking into the voice box.

"What's your name?"

"Ailas. Who the hell am I talking to?"

"The lead singer of the band. You have time right now?"

"I always have time."

He looked at Hale, and then at Blake, who were both staring at him like he was crazy. He pressed the button again.

"Then I'll give you ten minutes."

"I only need five."

Apollo looked at his band members one more time, and then he unlocked the gate.

-----------------------------------

"We don't even know him!"

Blake hissed as Ailas sat down on the couch in their living room, talking animatedly to Variance.

"I already told you that I think he's a psycho, and you're like, 'no problem, come on this tour bus with us where you could murder us more easily buddy'."

Apollo couldn't help but laugh.

"He's good Blake. He's one of the best I've ever heard. And he already knows most of the songs we have."

"Yeah, and that proves he's not a psycho somehow."

Apollo leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well if you have a better idea, I'm all ears. We leave in the morning."

Hale let out a sigh, watching his girlfriend talk to the new drummer like she'd known him all her life.

"I kind of like him. He has a hell of a personality. And he can fucking play, Blake."

Blake sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

"Whatever. He's good, I'll give him that. But offering him a permanent position is something I think we should all discuss after this tour."

Variance made a noise and all three of them turned to look at her and Ailas. Churro had jumped up on Ailas' lap, and was rubbing her head against his face. Apollo could hear the cat purring across the room.

The three band members exchanged a look.

"I think we should take that as a sign of Vega's blessing, honestly."

Hale said the words with a grin, slapping Blake on the shoulder.

"Don't be so uptight, man. If he tries to kill us we can always count on Apollo to take him out."

"That's not funny."

Hale grinned even wider.

"Vega would have thought it was."

"You're an ass."

"Maybe. But I'm also not wrong."

A quietness settled between the three of them. They all had one thing on their minds, and even though they didn't speak, they knew. 

Hale wasn't wrong. The last thing Vega would have wanted was for his death to put things to an end for their band. He would have wanted them to be happy, and he would have wanted them to continue. If not for themselves, then in his memory.

They all exchanged one more look, and Blake turned to the newest person in their household.

"You're in."

----------------------------

Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

3-28: All Beauty Fades

--------------------------------

"Do you really like it here? Staying in Riverview?"

Harpia tangled her fingers in Apollo's hair. He had his cheek firmly pressed to her chest, her pulse echoing underneath his ear.

"No... I think I just kind of got... stuck here.

I came back... and then Amos and the drugs... and the gang shit."

She stilled in her stroking of his hair, her voice quieting considerably.

"Do you miss the road?"

He traced light circles on the skin of her stomach that her shirt had rode up enough to reveal.

"I don't know. I don't miss anything right now."

He pulled his face up to look at her, the smell of whiskey still in the breath that touched his face.

"We cancelled a bunch of shows to be back here. We're scheduled to be in Maine on July 29th and 30th. But we might cancel those too. I don't know what's happening right now."

He reached out to touch her lips with his fingertips, and she kissed them. Her eyes were lit up from the alcohol, but he caught the hint of something else.

"Why does that sound like you're not just talking about the band?"

"Because I'm not."

He pressed his cheek back to her chest.

"You still don't forgive me, do you?"

Harpia moved suddenly beneath him, and he rolled to the side, sitting up. She grabbed the almost empty bottle of alcohol off of the night stand and took a drink, her eyes on the blankets instead of him.

"I don't know, Apollo. The things you said..."

Her eyes met his.

"But that's not important right now. What's important is you feeling better."

"I told you that I'm fine. It is what it is. He's gone."

She reached out, lacing her fingers through his.

"But you're not. I know you better than that. You're angry, but underneath that is something else. You're hurting."

Apollo let out a groan.

"Don't do that."

Harpia's eyes glossed over, and Apollo could see the tears that threatened to spill.

"So, you're telling me, that your best friend just died, and even though your hands were the last one on that gun, you're seriously fine? How stupid do you really think that I am?

You might not be able to tell anyone else, but you can tell me.

It's been a week, not a year.

You're allowed to hurt. Cut the brooding bad boy shit out."

Apollo lifted and dropped one shoulder, laying back on the blankets that Harpia's body had occupied moments before.

"That's my thing though.

I punch holes in walls. I don't get sad."

Harpia leaned over Apollo's face with her hands on either side of his chest, her hair blocking out most of the sunlight in the room.

"You're full of shit."

He wrapped his fingers around a lock of her hair, and her familiar perfume surrounded him just as much as her hair did. Her eyes were trying to read him, and he was trying not to let them. Something about Harpia had always fucked with his head. And now that they were older, it was so much worse.

"Stop looking at me like that. That's the last thing I need right now."

Her forehead crinkled in confusion, but she didn't move.

"Stop looking at you how?"

Apollo released the strand of hair, finally failing at keeping his eyes averted from hers.

"Like you think that you're still in love with me."

Harpia had lowered her head to his chest but she pushed upright at the words, her mouth open. Apollo put his hand on her jaw, pulling her lips to his. She went pliant under his kiss, and even through the whiskey and the cigarettes, he could taste that sweetness from the year before. Against Blake's Jeep, when everything still felt young and innocent and like they had the chance to be okay.

As the seconds passed, and Apollo's pulse climbed into his throat, he knew that he couldn't possibly get out of this. Somehow, Harpia had a found a way into his chest and she'd made a home there. Probably before he'd been old enough to even know that that could happen.

Harpia eventually broke the kiss, pushing her hair behind her ear and allowing light to break the curtain it had made.

"I don't think anything."

He noticed that she was crying, and he wanted to wipe away her tears, but she caught his wrist with her hand as he reached for them.

"I don't think anything," she repeated. "I know."

Her tears wet the front of his shirt, and when she released his wrist, he brushed them away with the back of his hand.

"There's something I need to tell you, Harpia."

She sat up, backing against the pillows on her bed. She pulled her legs to her chest, her forehead finding her knees.

"Not right now, Apollo. Not right now.

Not before you leave again and are gone for God knows how long. Whatever you have to say, it can wait." 

Apollo watched her for a long time, her shoulders rising and falling with the tears that didn't seem to be stopping.

"I want to tell you that I'll stay."

"But you won't. And you'll never be able to tell me that."

Apollo got to his feet next to Harpia's bed. He leaned over to her form, touching a kiss to the top of her head.

"You are my home, Harpia. I will always come back to you. You're the only home I've ever known. And that thing you don't want me to say, that's never going away. Everywhere I go, you're with me."

She looked up at him, her cheeks red from the emotion written all over her face.

"I can't wait for you forever, Apollo."

"I'd like to say the same about you, but I'm pretty sure I'd be lying."

She put her legs down flat on the blankets and held her arms out to him, her eyes begging him for what her lips didn't say. He went into them, his lips on the soft skin of her neck.

"I'll miss you. I'm sorry, Harpia.

I'll always be sorry."

She pressed a kiss to his temple, and the tears had finally stopped. Her voice was a whisper in the darkening bedroom.

"I have something to say to you too.

I do forgive you. For everything.

Even if you can't forgive yourself."

----------------------------

Apollo knocked softly on the door to Artemis' uptown apartment. San Francisco had been a long commute, but he'd made it. He had days left before he had to make a decision whether to continue the tour. Before he had to return to Hollywood, and the other guys. And face them for the first time since the funeral.

But, while he was in Riverview, and now San Francisco, he had other things to face too.

The door swung open, and a very confused Artemis stared up at her brother with a little girl on her hip that looked so much like her, it was uncanny. The baby looked up at him too, a grin spilling across her chubby face. She reached out for him like she'd seen him a thousand times before.

Something caught in Apollo's throat as Artemis pulled Athena against her chest, her glare on him turning to ice.

"What are you doing here?"

Apollo bypassed her question, his eyes still on his niece.

"Isn't she only four months old? How is she doing that?"

Artemis grimaced, stepping inside of her apartment, the door open now for her brother.

"I don't know. Dad thinks it's the vampire blood. It shouldn't be possible. 

Her doctor thinks I'm lying about her age.

She's extremely advanced. But dad said we were too."

Apollo stepped inside of Artemis' apartment, glancing around at all of the baby toys. His sister's plants were scattered around, covered here and there with massive amounts of other baby things.

She rocked Athena on her hip, fixing her eyes back on her brother.

"I have to ask again, why are you here?

You couldn't take the time away from your band to be there when she was born, what made you take time away from it for right now? Or was I just a stop along the way?"

Apollo tried not to let her words touch him, but failed.

"Artemis...

When Icarus came to tell me, I didn't believe him. And then Hale told me that you sent Variance a picture.

But by then, I had already fucked up. I figured it was too late for an apology."

Artemis put Athena in a bouncing mechanism that Apollo couldn't begin to understand.

"And yet, you're in my apartment, four months later."

She turned back to face him, her hands on her hips.

"We've been just fine without you. We had to be."

Apollo winced at her words, watching the bouncing machine lull Athena into sleep.

"I accidentally shot Vega."

He said the words without emotion, and Artemis stared at him like she'd seen a ghost.

"W-What? How? When? Is he okay?"

Apollo shook his head, and when Artemis approached him, he returned her soft hug. She looked up at him, and she was crying. Just like that. With the ease that their mother had for feeling the emotions normal human beings could feel. And they weren't even completely human.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be."

Artemis broke away from his hug, touching his arm tentatively.

"You will. I know you will."

"I came here to tell you that I was sorry, by the way.

I'm sorry that I missed your wedding, and I'm sorry that I missed Athena's birth. Especially after I promised that I wouldn't.

I'm trying this new thing where I quit doing that. Breaking promises."

Artemis smiled at him, and it was so much Rain's smile, just as Athena's had been Artemis'.

"Alright. Well, let's begin with you promising me you won't miss her first birthday party.

And another promise that if you do, I can punch you in the face."

Apollo laughed, pulling her into another hug.

"I promise. Both of those."

-------------------------------

Rhea sat cross-legged on Apollo's bed, and no matter how hard he tried to get rid of her, she wouldn't leave his room.

"I don't understand how you can continue this tour. Your drummer just died, what are you going to do? Learn to drum by yourself? You're talented, but you have no skills with a pair of wooden sticks."

Apollo shot her a dirty look, taking another drink out of the bottle of vodka in his lap.

"You insisted on being in here because you claim we need to bond, and you're sorry for being a psycho. 

I'm gonna be the asshole here and point out that we're not bonding, and you're still being a psycho."

Rhea grinned, reaching for the bottle of vodka in Apollo's lap. He held it above her reach, shaking his head vehemently. 

"No fucking way. You're sixteen. Go get some apple juice."

"That's not fair! You've been drinking since you were twelve!"

She climbed onto his lap, but he put a hand against her face, shoving her onto his pillows.

"I will not support your deviance, little sister."

A knock from the doorway brought Apollo and Rhea's attention both from their tiny squabble. Rhea huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, a venomous look on her face. Ryan looked between the two of them, and it was clear that he didn't understand how they were within two feet of each other and no one was yelling.

"Apollo... can I talk to you?"

Apollo glanced at his little sister and she shrugged, pulling her cell phone out of her pocket.

"Don't touch anything."

He growled the words, following their father out of his room.

Ryan leaned against the hallway wall, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked at his son.

"Can you explain to me why you haven't talked to me in nearly a year? 

And maybe why you avoid me every time you come home?"

Apollo shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, leaning against the opposite wall.

"I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me. Being disappointed in my life choices, and all."

Ryan's face crinkled in confusion.

"What the hell are you talking about?

I'm not mad at you for what happened with Vega. That was an accident. And I'm sure you're beating yourself up enough for any negative opinions you feel anyone else should have."

His expression was serious as he looked at his youngest son.

 "I've never been more proud of you, Apollo."

"Well, that's not what you told my brother."

Ryan's eyes went blank, his voice monotone as he spoke again.

"Again, what the hell are you talking about?"

Apollo hesitated for a moment. Realization touching him. Icarus wouldn't... Would he?

Of course he fucking would.

He began to explain, but halfway through, Ryan held out a hand to stop him.

"Where is your brother right now?"

Apollo shrugged, letting out a half-hearted laugh.

"How the hell would I know? I don't talk to him."

He glanced at his father.

"Why?"

"Because when I find him, I'm going to have to stop myself from killing him."

Apollo couldn't determine if his dad was kidding. But before he could ask, Ryan spoke, rapidly and with the seriousness Apollo had inherited so much of.

"I never, once, have not been proud of you. I raised you to know that anything you wanted, you were capable of it. You have talent that no one else in this family could dream of possessing. This has been your dream since you were a little kid, and watching you achieve it has been one of the most powerful things I've ever witnessed.

I love you, Apollo.

I could never not be proud of you, even if I sometimes question the decisions you make.

Icarus lied to you. He has a talent for that, even if he doesn't have any others. Besides maybe fucking things up."

Ryan looked angry, unbelievably so. And for once in Apollo's life, he wondered if maybe that's where his had come from. Besides his aunt Kiara.

"I... Thank you, dad."

"You're welcome.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a different son that I need to see.

And you have some more dreams to chase.

Which, speaking of, there's one waiting for you downstairs."

Apollo looked toward the stairs in confusion.

"What?"

Ryan's smile lit up his eyes.

"You'll see."

--------------------------------
And all beauty fades And everything changed But you'll always be mine You know you'll always be mine

3-27: When We Were Younger

-------------------------------------

"Hey."

  Icarus leaned against the wall of the abandoned house Apollo had found himself in less than an hour after he'd stepped foot back in Riverview. He hadn't been up to facing his dad yet. He hadn't been up to the chance of seeing his twin sister. Not yet.

Why was it that everything he touched he seemed to ruin? Was it just in his blood?

Apollo took one earbud out, climbing out of the concrete pool. He left his skateboard at the bottom. It was better there than in his hands. He'd have to resist smashing his brother's face in with it.

He crossed his arms over his chest, his father's eyes on his own face meeting with the eyes of his mother on his brother's.

"I'm not here to fight. I'm not here to be a dick.

I'm here to tell you something."

Apollo scoffed, taking the other earbud out and shoving them in his pocket.

"I'm not interested in anything that you have to say, Icarus. You've said more than enough."

Icarus' eyes lit up and he smiled. 

"Oh, I think you'll want to hear this."

Against his better judgment, Apollo let out a breath, nodding.

"Fine. Talk."

Icarus pushed off of the wall, sitting on the edge of the concrete pool when he reached it. He looked up at Apollo expectantly, and with another sigh, Apollo sat next to him.

"When you told me not to come to any more of your shows, I decided that I wasn't going to listen. You know, just to see what would happen. Because that's what I've always been good at. Pushing your buttons. Seeing just how much shit I can cause between us before you snap on me.

And this last time, you didn't let me down."

He pushed Apollo's shoulder lightly, but Apollo didn't soften. The tension and restraint was clear enough to Icarus that he continued speaking with less expectation.

"I came to Phoenix, yeah, I know, don't look at me like that. I told you I wasn't going to listen."

Apollo directed his glare away from Icarus and back on the sky.

"Anyway... I came to Phoenix. I pulled into the hotel around the same time your bus did. And I heard the gunshot. I could smell the blood from my car across the parking lot.

And I knew it wasn't yours. But I didn't know whose it was.

So I stuck around. I listened to the paramedics and the police, and I could hear everything.

They didn't believe you. They were convinced that it wasn't an accident.

And I knew damn well, no matter how much you hated anyone, especially being one of the ones at the top of your list, you'd never do something like that.

So I followed the police to the hospital.

And I changed their minds."

Apollo couldn't keep the surprise out of his eyes. He stared at his brother like he'd never seen him before.

"You used your ability on those cops?"

Icarus shrugged, and this time, it was his eyes on the sky.

"It's never been good for anything. I always used it for shitty things. Like getting a girl to give me her number. Making the cashier think they forgot to give me my change.

I'm petty. I'm selfish. We've both known that all our lives.

What good is the power of persuasion if all you get are empty girls and empty promises because you coaxed them into it?

And besides, after what I said to you about dad, I felt like I owed you one."

Apollo continued to stare at Icarus.

"Are you expecting me to hug you and pretend like we're gonna be best friends now?

No offense, thanks for that, but I still don't fucking like you."

Icarus shrugged a shoulder, dusting himself off as he found his feet.

"I know."

Apollo hesitated, but he stayed firmly seated on the concrete.

"You kept me out of prison."

"I did."

"You hate me."

"I do. But you're still my brother. I, unfortunately, also love you. And I know you're not a killer."

Icarus' final word prodded the embers of anger that always burned in Apollo's chest

"I killed him.

I just didn't mean to."

Icarus turned back to the abandoned building.

"I know. But, for the record, I am sorry we can't ever be friends. Or act like siblings should.

You and Artemis, you aren't like Rhea and I. We have the same blood, but we'll never have your hearts. There's good in you, Apollo.

I didn't inherit that."

He watched Apollo pull a small bottle of scotch out of his pocket, right before going through the back door of the house. His brother had never done anything remotely close to what he'd done in Phoenix for anyone. Especially Apollo. The liquor burned his throat as he spoke quietly enough his brother couldn't hear him.

"Maybe you're wrong about that."

-----------------------------------

"This suit itches. I don't want to wear it. I don't even want to be here.

Vega would find this whole thing pretentious and stupid and depressing. He'd be asking why we weren't getting drunk in his memory."

Hale put his fingers in the loop of the tie around his neck and pulled it loose, tossing it onto the floor of the church.

"And he definitely wouldn't care if I wore a fucking tie."

Variance made a noise under her breath, her arms snaking around his waist.

"I know. I know all of that.

And he'd want Churro to be here."

Hale absentmindedly brushed his fingertips down the length of her spine.

"I won't tell anyone if you go and get her and sneak her in in your purse."

Variance looked up at him, glancing around. She pulled her purse in front of her and Hale caught the sound of a very soft meow.

"You're kidding."

Variance shook her head.

"I felt like she should be here."

Hale couldn't help the small smile that touched his lips.

"You're so cute that sometimes I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with you."

He lowered his head towards her, but seconds before their skin could touch, Apollo came through the front doors of the church. Hale stepped away from Variance like he'd been electrocuted.

Apollo's eyes went from Variance, to Hale, to the steadily filling church pews.

"Is anyone else here?"

Hale knew he wasn't asking about anyone but Harpia. He pointed toward the front row of seats at an unmistakable head of sandy brown hair.

"She's right there. Your mom is sitting next to her. Her entire family is here."

Apollo walked toward where Hale had pointed, stopping just after where his cousin still stood, her usually bright eyes emptied.

"As you were, Variance."

He reached out and tugged on the end of a strand of her hair, gesturing at Hale. When he turned back for the pews, Variance stared after him. But it didn't last long. She pressed herself into Hale's chest, looking down the aisle at the coffin with her cheek against his shirt.

"I love you."

She whispered the words, tears heavy on her cheeks again. Hale brushed them away with his fingertips, pulling her tighter against him.

"I know. I always knew. I love you too."

-----------------------------------

Apollo sat at the end of the front row of the church, right next to the aisle. Something about it felt like the right decision. He wanted distance between himself and Nash, who had been seated on Rain's other side. Nash had sworn profusely that she didn't blame Apollo.

But that didn't stop Apollo from blaming himself. Nothing anyone said did.

"You know, when I heard you crying on the phone, I had no idea this was why. You could have told me."

Harpia's whisper brought Apollo's head up from the way he'd had it bent. It was mostly for show. He wasn't praying along with everyone else when the preacher had asked for it. He didn't know how to pray to something he wasn't even sure existed. Apparently, Harpia felt the same.

Apollo's eyes traced the dark circles beneath her eyes, and the way her cheeks were sunken in more than they'd ever been. The seat next to Apollo had purposefully been left empty. He hadn't wanted to be near anyone. So when Harpia took the seat, he inhaled sharply.

"You know that this wasn't your fault, right?"

"That's what everyone keeps saying. But I dropped the fucking gun."

The words were bitter on his tongue. Harpia was still looking at him when the preacher finished the prayer and everyone was allowed to once again look up. The moment he looked at her, she dropped her eyes, turning her body toward the pulpit.

But he knew she wasn't paying any attention. No more than he was.

"Vega would have hated this."

"You're damn right he would have."

"I don't want to be here anymore."

"You're in luck. Neither do I."

Apollo took her hand in his, getting to his feet. He kept his eyes on the exit and she kept her hand where it was until they were outside, the bright California July sun high in the sky. The door slammed behind them loud enough it could have been a car backfiring.

"You shouldn't have done that. You should have stayed in there."

Harpia might have been attempting to sound like she believed her words, but Apollo knew better. His voice was harsh, rising with every word out of his mouth.

"Why? So I can remember Vega in a way that he'd never want to be remembered?"

He shrugged out of his suit jacket, tossing it over the side of the steps up to the church.

"Why are you yelling at me? I didn-"

He cut her off, running his hands roughly through his hair.

"Everyone is telling me that it isn't my fault. They keep saying it was a freak accident, I would have never done it by choice."

He pulled his tie off and tossed that over the side of the steps too, whirling to face Harpia. His eyes flashed with the anger in his words.

"They tell me no one could have known there weren't blanks in that gun. No one could have predicted the gun would misfire.

'Stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault. It was just an accident.' That's what they say. Over and over.

You look like you're killing yourself, and I haven't even been here to help. So whatever the fuck you're doing to yourself now isn't my fault either, right?"

He took the concrete steps down to the street, turning in the direction of his house. He glanced back up at her, shaking his head. His voice rose to a shout, and a few people across the street turned to stare at the two of them.

"I just killed my best friend. Vega's dead. He's not coming back. I'm the one who did that."

"But you didn't do it on purpo-"

"So? What the fuck does that change?

Look at Blake and Hale. They can't even look at me without seeing what happened.

Hale isn't even talking to me. And I'm actually pretty convinced he's fucking my cousin. And that's sure as fuck the last thing she needs right now.

She's a mess, and what am I? I feel nothing.

People are so worried that I'll blame myself, but they don't get it. I'm not doing that. They're wasted words.

I don't feel guilty. I don't feel a goddamn thing.

I don't feel remorse. The minute I got on that plane to Riverview I bottomed out. I feel empty.

Are you telling me that's normal?"

Harpia stared at him in disbelief. Apollo's voice had become slightly hoarse by his final word, and she looked sympathetic. Which just served to piss him off more.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm not upset."

"Really? Because you're shouting. And I've never heard you talk like this. I-"

Apollo scoffed and started down the sidewalk, Harpia's footsteps close behind him.

"Apollo, where are you going?"

Harpia's voice rose, and he could tell that what he was doing was destroying what little trust that he wouldn't leave her he'd managed to repair.

"I'm getting drunk. Well, more drunk. 

As for where, anywhere but here."

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned around so quickly to face her, she took a step back. She blinked up at him, reaching for his face. He pushed her hand away with a shaking one of his own.

"Just don't fucking touch me. Not right now. I'm not going to hit you, but I'm trying not to hit anything at all."

She closed the distance he had put between them, brushing a hair out of her eyes.

"Fine. I won't.

On one condition."

He raised an eyebrow.

"And what would that be?"

"Okay, I guess it's two.

One, you stop yelling at me.

And two... If you're going anywhere but here, you take me with you this time."

-------------------------

When I was younger, I only dreamed
That when I got older, you'd be proud of me
When I was younger, I promised you both
That when I was older, you'd be proud of me