1-14: Arsonist's Lullabye - Part Two

When I was a child, I'd sit for hours

Staring into open flame

Something in it had a power

Could barely tear my eyes away...

-------

Eden knocked on Alec's door, softly. The sound was louder than she thought it would be, but then again, maybe it was just her nerves. Taking the sound and multiplying it. She heard shuffling from behind the door and it cracked open. It was pitch black aside from the screen in Alec's hand.

He pulled the headphones out one by one, smiling at her. He opened the door wide enough so she could scoot through and locked it when it snapped shut.

"You get caught in here, and we'll both be in trouble, Eden."

She nodded, looking around his room at what she could see of it. It was neatly organized, almost to the point that it was painful. It was the complete opposite of Eden's room in her apartment. She brought her eyes back to his, approaching him slowly. She reached for his iPod, dropping it onto the bed next to her.

"What are you-"

She put a finger to her lips, hooking one of her fingers in the belt loop of his jeans, closing the distance between them. She hesitated for a moment, looking at the reflection of the lit up screen in the frames of glasses. She took those too, setting them on his desk. She brushed a piece of hair out of his eyes, pressing onto her toes just enough to reach his lips.

She could feel the delay in his reaction. Like he didn't know what to do, how to react. Where to put his hands or what, exactly, was going on.

When he finally rested his hands on her waist, she deepened the kiss, that demon in her head whispering sweet words pushing her forward. That same demonic voice that controlled her when it came to every man she got under her fingertips. The one that made her tick. Under pressure, in panic, in uncertainty.

The one that catalyzed who she was, who she has always been.

She ran her hands under his shirt, taking a step back and he followed, the back of her knees hitting the bed he had pushed up against the wall in this tiny room. He didn't break the kiss, he didn't ask questions, he just followed her lead.

She pulled away long enough to breathe, meeting his lips again in the darkness. Are you really going to do this? A second voice was trying to combat the first, but it was lost. In the heat of his skin under hers, the racing of her heart in her ears, her chest. She could hear something playing from the tiny speakers on his bed and she pushed it off. It made a small thunk as it hit the floor, but he didn't seem to notice.

His hands fumbled with the tie on the front of her shirt, but he managed, the noise muted by heavy breaths. She sat down and pulled him next to her, moving so her knees were on either side of his lap. The moments were hazy, and she was numb the way she always was. Because this was physical. She didn't need to be mentally available, didn't need to be consciously in this moment.

That was how she operated, after all.

But she caught a glimpse of his face. It was cast in shadow, barely lit by the bright red numbers on his alarm clock. But it was enough.

She felt his fingers go to the button on her jeans and she put both hands on his chest, pushing him away enough to break their kiss.

"I can't do this."

He looked confused, hurt, worried.

"Did I... Did I do something?"

It was just a whisper, but it took the remainder of that evil voice and shattered it, bringing Eden headfirst back into reality. Into exactly what she was doing. She moved off of him, getting to her feet. The distance between them was almost nothing, but too much for her to read anything on his face.

"No, Alec. You didn't. But I almost did."

Silence.

"What does that mean?"

She tried to see in the red-lit semi darkness, to find her shirt, so she could leave. So she could get away. So she didn't have to explain.

"I just... This was almost a mistake. I can't sleep with you, I like you too much. I can't hurt you like that."

She mumbled the words, still not able to find what she was searching for. What the hell was happening to her? Had Nico really changed her this much? It was like she was becoming a different person. 

"I don't think I'm understanding what you're trying to say here, Eden. It's not like I was objecting."

She shook her head, looking up at him as he stood, his face finally discernible in the red light. He looked so upset...

"No... You don't understand. Someone was... Someone was trying to get me to do this with you, but they wouldn't tell me why."

His face grew more confused, and he continued to stare at her, as she finally located her shirt and pulled it over her head.

"Max. He wanted me to sleep with you. So I said that I would, but I can't. You're too good for this."

She went for the door, to get out, to not have to watch him take this realization in, but he crossed the room faster than she could. He stood in front of the door and she took an automatic step back at the look in his eyes. He had just went from hurt, to pissed.

"So this was a game?"

He said the words simply, cold. She didn't know how to respond to that. How to react to what was going on. Why wouldn't he just let her leave?

"No, Alec. Not all of it. 

I guess it started off that way, but it didn't stay that way for me."

"Well, I'm glad to know something changed your mind into not manipulating me into screwing you. Thanks."

His voice rose with every word he spoke and Eden put a finger to her lips, shhhing him. Trying to. She was panicking now, at war in her mind with these new things she'd been learning existed. Emotions.

"Alec, let me go home. I'll leave you alone. I won't bother you anymore. I'm sorry, okay. I should have never let it get this far."

He opened the drawer next to him and she made to move for the door when she noticed a flash of black in the red light. She froze in her tracks, her heart skipping a beat. 

"Alec..."

He pointed the gun towards her and she held her hands up in front of her chest, taking a step back. Was this a dream? This couldn't actually be happening, right? He wasn't a psycho. She would have noticed he was, right? She felt something crunch under her shoe, but she couldn't tear her eyes off of the metal in his hand long enough to see what it was.

"Do you make it a habit to play games with people's feelings? To fuck with people's heads? Is that what you wanted? To hurt me? Because even if you didn't fuck me, you still succeeded. So maybe I should hurt you too."

His voice was hysterical, anger and contrition colliding in the air as he threw the words at her. She followed the path of the gun as he waved it, praying to God, somehow it wouldn't go off.

"I'm sorry! I'm an idiot, okay? I don't think things through.

I know took this too far, but I don't deserve this, Alec. Please?"

Tears fell down her cheeks in waves, her voice cracking over and over again. She had never felt this pathetic, this vulnerable, in her entire existence. 

Someday, something bad is going to happen to you. 

His hand steadied, raising the gun toward her again, aimed right between her eyes.

"You do deserve this. You deserve worse than this. This is giving it to you easy."

He was out of his mind, Eden wasn't even sure he knew what he was saying. Her chest ached, her heart struggling to beat out of her rib cage, her lungs begging him to let her maintain breath. She took a tentative step forward, looking for words. Looking for some way, any way, out of this. 

She was no where near ready to die.

"Alec, just... put the gun down. Please. Don't do this. Your entire future will be gone if you do. You'll throw it away for someone like me."

Her voice broke on the last three words, taking one more step towards the shaking boy in front of her. She was so close to the gun now, she could almost feel the cold metal on her face.

"What are you doing? Why would you walk closer to me? Why are you so stupid?"

"Because I just am! I'm stupid, and I'm heartless, and I'm cruel. I hate emotions and I hate people. I hate love and I feel through sex. I don't care who I manipulate because they don't matter to me. No one matters to me.

 But you aren't like me, Alec. You're a good guy. You're smart and you're sweet and you're so fucking innocent."

Irony.

"Please... Think about this. I know you've been hurt, and I know I made it worse, but this isn't worth it. I'm not worth it. 

Don't throw your life away for this."

He lowered the gun slowly, taking in her words. It dropped inch by inch towards the ground and he stared at her, watching the tears fall down her face, the way she trembled as she spoke. The honesty in her syllables echoed in the air, soaked into his brain like her words held some weight, some... something.

"Do you really think all of those things about yourself?"

Eden tore her eyes away from the gun long enough to look at his eyes, how he calculated her.

"I do."

Alec just stood there for a few more minutes, staring at her. He didn't break eye contact, didn't flinch, didn't speak a word. 

Finally... he sat the gun on the desk next to him and opened the door, walking out.

Eden collapsed to the floor, wrapping her arms around her knees. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think. All she could do was cry. Her lungs finally filled with air, and each exhale left her body shuddering. The noises she made were self shattering, tearing her carefully constructed walls apart piece by piece. Into nothing.

The door fell shut, by some force she couldn't see, and the room was pitch black again, except for one thing. 

The flickering light of the shattered iPod screen on the floor next to her.

Someday, something bad is going to happen to you.

---------

I knew that something would always rule me

I knew this sin was mine alone.

1-13: Arsonist's Lullabye - Part One.

When I was a child, I heard voices...

Some would sing and some would scream
You soon find you have few choices..
I learned the voices died with me

------

"That one. Right there."

Eden looked at Max out of the side of her eyes, the boy in question he was referring to, sitting across the room on his laptop. He wore glasses, he had headphones in, but he was cute enough.

"What's in it for me?"

She turned back to him, taking a drink of her Starbucks, eyes narrowed.

"Sex? Coke? What's always in it for you?"

Eden leaned back in her chair, stirring her straw in circles inside her cup.

"Why do you even want me to do this? You just made a big production in Hawaii about me sleeping with other people. Now you're encouraging me to do this?"

Max smirked, pushing his eyes back over to the boy.

"Let's just say... This is different. And I have a score to settle."

She scoffed, pushing her hair out of her face.

"So you're using me to do it? That's fantastic."

Max stared at her, blank.

"You like playing. I like games. Calm down."

Eden looked at the kid, and it was like he felt her eyes. He looked up from his laptop and he caught her gaze, smiling hesitantly. She returned it and issued a tiny wave, speaking to Max out of the corner of her mouth.

"If you screw me over somehow, I'll cut off your balls."

He leaned forward, placing his hand over hers. A smile fell into place Eden wasn't sure she'd seen on him before. Alarm bells went off in her head, but she ignored them. Like she tended to do, way too often.

"I won't. I promise."

------------

Eden had so many classes with Alec Nelson, it surprised her. Three out of the four courses she had on her first day, he was in too. She leaned against the wall outside her Chemistry class until he exited, reaching out and wrapping her fingers around his wrist when he passed by. She sent him a smile and let go, nodding towards the space next to her.

"Hey. Wanna take a walk with me?"

He seemed to hesitate, glancing over his shoulder.

"Me? What?"

She tilted her head, pulling her books to her chest. 

"Yeah... why not?"

Alec pulled the strap on his bag up higher on his shoulder, nodding once. He didn't look thrilled, exactly, but he had at least agreed. They began walking, people bumping into them now and then. Eden kept her distance, at least for now. She knew nothing about this guy, but for some reason... Max wanted something out of this. 

What, she wasn't exactly sure of.

"So you're really smart right?"

Alec glanced over at her, dropping his eyes back to the floor.

"I guess so."

Eden smirked, turning a corner and studying his face.


"That's not what I hear. You were Valedictorian back in your school, right? So why are you in this shitty college and not somewhere that people with potential go?"

He stopped suddenly in the hallway, a random guy running into him and giving him a dirty look as he passed the two of them by. He stared at Eden, his face guarded.

"My brother goes here... Why do you care?"

She came to a stop a couple of paces ahead of him, shrugging.

"I'm just curious. Why are you acting like I'm interrogating you? I just want to be friends."

Alec shook his head slightly, continuing to walk.

"I'm not used to people wanting to be friends with me. Especially not people like you."

Eden looked away, watching a group of girls walk down the hallway, whispering and throwing disapproving gazes her way. Probably because of the way she was dressed, but she never cared back in Bridgeport, that sure as hell wouldn't change here.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

They reached the exit, and Alec pulled the glass doors open so she could go before him, clearing his throat. Eden could practically feel the nerves bouncing off of him.

"You're pretty. You know that. I can tell by the way you carry yourself."

The door shut behind them and she stopped in front of the parking lot, rolling her eyes.

"So you never talk to pretty girls?"

He slipped his headphones in his ears, pulling his iPod out of his pocket.

"I don't talk to anyone. Especially girls. Because they always have some ulterior motive. Usually getting to my brother."

He glanced up from the screen, his eyes seeming to search hers.

"I'll talk to you later, Eden."

He turned and headed to his car, a shiny black BMW. 

How the fuck does he expect me to crack this kid? He's more jaded than I am.

----------

Eden pulled Alec's headphones out of his ear and bent down, whispering 'Boo' as loudly as she could. He jumped and the book he had been reading fell to the floor. She picked it up, laughing, and handed it back to him.

"You have to be kidding right. You again? What's your angle?"

Eden rolled her eyes, dropping into the chair next to him and pulling her Calculus textbook out. She'd done this everyday for two weeks. Showing up when he was studying, making him talk to her. Asking for help on this, and on that. Keeping him talking. Learning things about him.

"I told you. I want to be friends. Looks like I'm being extremely obnoxious about it too."

She smiled and flipped it open, pulling out her notebook.

"You're not obnoxious."

He said it simply. Softly. She glanced up at him out of the corner of her eye as she scrawled out the first problem. She was beginning to work it out when she noticed he was watching her. She put the pencil down and tilted her head.

"You're staring at me, Nelson."

He quickly looked back at his book and shook his head.

"Sorry."

She grinned and shut his book.

"Nope. Don't be. You can stare at me anytime you want to."

She hadn't mean to say that, but it came out anyway. She was playing with fire. This kind of thing could only go one of two ways:

He'd end up liking her

Or

She'd fail.

And she wasn't sure which one was worse.

---------

The more Eden got to know Alec, the more she realized she actually kind of liked him as a person. He was funny, when he wasn't being cynical. And sometimes even when he was. He was smart, really smart, just like she had guessed. He had taught her half the stuff she couldn't grasp in her Chemistry class alone.

He loved music more than anyone she had ever met in her life, and he always had his headphones in. Unless he was in class. She had taken the device away from him many times just so he would even register she had shown up in the library to see him.

She started to feel apprehensive the more time she spent with him. 

She loved playing games, but this was becoming more personal than she had thought that it would. He was easy to talk to, and it took everything in her to remember why she was befriending this kid. That he couldn't mean anything more to her than a target, even though he felt more and more like a friend with each passing day.

Six weeks into the first semester, she broke ground, finally getting somewhere.

They were in the boy's dormitory, on the couches, when she stopped his reading, reaching out and putting her hand over the text in his book.

"Alec..."

He pulled the one headphone he had in, out, and looked up at her, smiling.

"What?"

Eden bit down on her lip, setting her own book to the side. She leaned towards him, pressing her lips to his cheek. When she pulled away, his eyes were wide, a hint of red on his cheeks.

"What was that for?"

She shrugged, taking his book from him.

"It has to be for something?"

Alec's uncertainty was obvious, his eyes on hers. Then he bent towards her, taking her lips with his. It was soft, more gentle than she could have anticipated, but it was progress.

"That was."

-----------

Eden knocked on the door to Max's apartment, loudly, opening the door before he had time to answer. At least she knocked. It was more polite than she could have been.

"Max?"

She called out his name, plopping down on his couch and glancing at the screen. Some stupid sitcom blared and there were Spanish captions scrolling across the bottom. Which was weird, since that was Max's second language.

The items on top of his coffee table were numerous. Baggies and scales and drugs and empty alcohol bottles. She was busy moving stuff aside to try and find the remote to turn the volume down, when she felt cold hands on her shoulders.

She jumped in surprise and turned around. Max's eyes were bloodshot and he looked like he'd been busy doing more than his fair share of drugs.

"Rule number one of being a dealer and or a user, learn to lock your door."

She finally found the remote, stuffed into the side of the couch, and hit the power button, silence finally pouring into the room. She looked back up at Max and sighed, dropping the remote on the table among all the paraphernalia. 

"I don't know if I can do this whole 'fuck Alec for no reason' thing. He's actually a really nice guy."

Max narrowed his eyes, coming around and sitting down beside her. He placed a hand on her knee and lit a cigarette, handing it to her. He didn't speak a word, just lit another one and started smoking, blowing gray circles into the air in front of him. Eden took a drag, trying to read him.

"What are you getting out of this anyway?"

She didn't expect an answer, even though she really wanted one. What she got, however, was not what she expected either.

"It's pretty simple though, Eden. You either carry through with it, or I tell him what you were going to do anyway.

And you know I won't stop with just that."

Her mouth dropped open and she shoved his hand off of her knee.

"Okay, first of all that is blackmail. And secondly, what makes you think he would believe you anyway?"

Max leaned forward and pulled a drawer open, a tape recorder falling into Eden's lap. She looked down at it, and then at his face, her face going incredulous.

"What is this? Are you a fucking lunatic, or something?"

He shook his head, grinding out his cigarette in the ashtray.

"No. I told you, I have a score to settle, and I intend to do that. So either, you help me do so, or you lose a friend anyway."

He reached over and took the device, throwing it back in the drawer.

"I'm just not fucking understanding why me having sex with this kid is going to do absolutely anything for you? How are you settling any type of score by me getting naked?"

He reached for the remote, turning the TV back on. The sound bled into Eden's ears and she rolled her eyes, putting her own cigarette out.

"You'll see. I have a feeling you won't be disappointed."

Eden got to her feet, walking to his apartment door. She slammed it shut so hard behind her it echoed like a gunshot.

It was a catch 22. She had no idea what to do. It wasn't like she'd never played anyone before. Maybe not to this extent, and maybe not in this way. But it was starting to feel less like manipulation and more like sincerity. 

If she hurt this kid, she was going to feel bad. Worse than that, she was going to feel guilty. She was stuck with a choice. Piss Max off and face the consequences of whatever twisted shit he came up with, or just do it. It wasn't like she'd never remained friends with someone she'd had sex with.

It wasn't that big of a deal, right?

It felt wrong. In more ways than one. She felt screwed. Backed into a corner.

And more than anything... She just didn't want to hurt this kid.
------------

All you have is your fire...
And the place you need to reach 
Don't you ever, tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash