2-17: Entitled

I'm an amnesiac, forgot what it's like, to be happy.
Some kind of maniac, follow you around when I know you don't want me.


------------------------

"Your voice sounds seriously off... Are you sure that you're okay?"

Rain drifted back into the conversation with her best friend, not even noticing really that she'd zoned out of it.

"I'm okay, Nash. I promise."

Her promise was empty, almost like the tone that her voice had taken on. Nash's voice paused on the other end, but quickly filled the silence with words again. As she usually did.

"I'm just starting to get kind of worried about you. You don't respond to texts and when you do call me, you never sound like yourself lately.

...You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Rain sighed, her eyes frozen on the wall across from her.

"I know that I can, Nash. But I swear, everything's fine. I'm just stressed out from school. If something was going on, I'd tell you."

She dropped her eyes from the wall to the ground, guilt settling in her chest. She didn't even know when she'd started lying to anyone, but it was becoming more and more common. At least in the last couple of weeks. She felt as if she was always hiding something. And she somewhat was. 

Thorne hadn't even spoken to her since that night in his study, besides to check on where she'd been. But they didn't even feel like concerned questions. More like interrogations.

"Okay, Rain. Well I have to get to class. I'll call you again tomorrow, okay.

And I promise I'll be there on Wednesday."

Rain was taken aback by her words for a moment, until she realized what Wednesday was. Her 19th birthday.

"You're coming in?"

Nash's voice grew excited, raising in pitch.

"Of course I am! I wouldn't miss your birthday for anything."

Rain wasn't even sure Thorne would allow that. And she wasn't sure why he should have to allow anything.

"Alright Nash, I'll see you then."

The excitement she tried to force into her voice seemed totally transparent, but Nash seemed to buy it. She said an overly happy goodbye, and Rain glanced up at the wall again, waiting for the line to close.

She'd finally heard back from her sister too when Thorne had returned her phone. Thaddeous was okay, and their parents had sent him to a rehab facility somewhere in Colorado for an extended amount of time. She wouldn't get a chance to see him for months.

And Storm was pissed at her. Maybe unreasonably, but Rain couldn't decide. She'd had to give her a reason, and the only one she seemed to be able to come up with was school being too much.

Because it wasn't anywhere near possible to tell her the truth.

Rain looked down at her cell phone on her bedside table. At the picture of her and her husband that took up the background of her lock screen. It was weird that someone she thought she at least could trust was turning out so differently.

But, somehow, she still held onto that hope that he would be okay, that they would.

She had to hold onto something.

Nash coming in for her birthday would be something different, though. But at least this time, it would only be her. She wouldn't have to worry about anyone else.

She wouldn't have to worry about a fight.

Thorne's footsteps echoed up the stairs and Rain's heart picked up significantly in her chest. But not like it used to. He opened the door softly and made his way over to her, brushing her hair out of her face.

She wanted to punch herself for somehow still craving that touch.

"Who was that?"

Rain swallowed past the lump in her throat, answering on cue.

"Nash."

Thorne raised an eyebrow, leaning down and pressing his lips to her forehead.

"I see. Birthday plans, I'm guessing?"

Rain looked up at him in surprise. She didn't even know he remembered.

"Yeah, actually. She's flying in. In two days."

"She's welcome to stay here, as you know."

Rain smiled at him, and wanted to punch herself for that too.

"Thank you, Hawthorne."

His smile was small, but evident as he walked away. 

But something in the back of her mind told her that she shouldn't have to thank him for that. That she should be able to have whoever she wanted here.

But that's not how this worked.

She just wished she could pin down exactly what she was supposed to do to fix whatever it was that made this go to hell in the first place.

Because it had to be something she did. Something she said.

Everything was on her shoulders. Always.

----------------------

Rain looked up from the water in front of her, blowing a cloud of mist out of her lips. She'd never smoked a cigarette in her life, but right now she almost wanted one. It always seemed to calm Nash and Storm down. But she was too afraid of ruining her dancing career with lung problems that she had never tried.

"Miss Campbell, your phone is ringing. Would you like for me to retrieve it for you?"

Her gaze drifted to Lewis and she shook her head, smiling at him.

She didn't care who it was, right now was her alone time. And it couldn't be Thorne because he was in a meeting. Otherwise she couldn't even be out here at all.

Lewis nodded in response, folding his hands in front of him and turning back to face behind them. Rain had to give him credit for being good at his job. He did keep her safe. 

Safe from everything that he should. 

But no one kept her safe from what was really hurting her. 

The husband she felt like she barely knew.

The glint of headlights on the water from a distance brought Rain to full attention, and she got to her feet, looking around. No one even knew about this spot. She came here to be by herself for a reason.

The car that pulled up next to the one Lewis drove was unmarked, but almost matched it.

Which made her heart drop into her stomach.

The driver left the car running, exiting and walking to the back door, opening it.

Thorne's eyes when they met hers, told her exactly how he felt. If there was one thing she could always see in his eyes, it was the coldness. The one that had settled between them and seemed to be suffocating his heart.

Her father's eyes hid emotions too. They always had. But it was different than Thorne's. Much different.

He said something to the driver that Rain couldn't hear and he got back in the car, pulling off down the road as Thorne approached her. 

"You can wait in the car, Lewis."

He didn't even look at him as he gave the command, but Lewis obeyed. His eyes shifted to Rain when he opened the door, and they looked as anxious as Rain felt. The gaze they shared told Rain that he knew this couldn't end well. It never did.

"I called you."

Rain stiffened, the dread in her chest increasing ten fold.

"Oh.... I didn't know it was you. I thought you were in a meeting."

Thorne shook his head, once. His eyes were iced over, much like his grip on her arm when he touched her.

"You know you are not to ignore me."

Rain shook her head quickly, tears quickly spilling down her cheeks from the pain as he pulled her toward the car.

"Hawthorne, I didn't. I wouldn't. I didn't know it was you, I'm sorry."

He reached up to her face, and she flinched. He hesitated for a second, his fingers not making contact. He looked almost offended that she had reacted the way she just had. The tears continued to fall, and his hesitation disappeared. He wiped the water off of her cheeks with more force than necessary.

"Stop crying, Rain. It makes you look pathetic."

She pulled a breath in, trying to do as he instructed, but control was failing her. He leaned closer to her, his lips by her ear.

"If you don't stop fucking crying, I will give you a reason to cry. Do you understand?"

Rain tried for a moment to pull her arm out of his grip, but he only tightened it, which pushed more tears down her cheeks. 

"I can't. You're hurting me. This hurts."

She choked on the words, dropping her eyes from his face. Looking at his face hurt more than his hands ever could. She stared straight ahead, at his chest as he responded.

"No."

He dropped his hand from her arm, and in that instant of relief, Rain was almost convinced it was done. That he would thaw and be Thorne again. The one she knew. 

But that's not what happened. His hand found her ribs and he squeezed, pushing her against the car behind her, hard. Her breath left her chest, and she swore she could hear a snap that preceded the pain that rocketed through her abdomen.

"No. Now, I'm hurting you."

His words were soft, lilting with a foreign sense of comfort. She drew in breath sharply, pressing her face against his jacket, trying to find words, trying to catch her breath. Trying to say anything at all. But she couldn't say a single thing before her vision went black.

------------------------

Rain looked down at the blue dress she was wearing, turning once in the mirror. It covered the bruises on her ribs, but not the ones that were still fading on the top of her arms. They weren't even from Thorne pushing her or anything. They were just from the way he seemed to handle her completely now.

Just a little too rough.

Just a little too much force that she knew it was wrong.

Lewis had tried to talk to her about what happened, but she blew him off. Told him she had tripped and fallen against the side of the car, and that that was what knocked her out.

She lied. She was always lying.

And Lewis' eyes when she had told him that, said he didn't believe her.

She ran her fingers over the lace on her shoulders, the blue reflecting the shades in her eyes she'd gotten from her father.

Thorne had an obsession with her in blue. It was all he bought her, and something in her stomach turned at the thought. She froze in the mirror, staring in her own eyes.

It only took one moment of hesitation, one moment of realizing that she didn't want to have to make him happy on her birthday. Her fingers fell from her shoulders to the hem of her dress and she pulled it up over her head and dropped it on the floor behind her. She knelt to the bottom drawer of her dresser, where she kept the clothes she had brought from California.

It took a few minutes, because of the amount of clothes stuffed in the drawer, but she found it. A black dress Nash had given her on her seventeenth birthday. One she'd never worn. She held it up to her slight form in the mirror, a small smile covering her lips.

Thorne hated it when she wore black. Which made this dress perfect.

She slipped it over her head, turning in the mirror again. A sense of comfort that she couldn't put a label on settled in her chest and she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She nodded at her reflection and turned for the bedroom door, leaving it standing open behind her. Thorne hated that too.

But she wasn't convinced he didn't hate her anymore. And it was wearing her thin.

"Rain! You look beautiful!"

Nash rushed over to her when she reached the bottom step of the staircase, her face glowing. She wrapped her in a tight hug that made Rain almost cry from the pain that shot from her ribs.

She forced a smile onto her face at her best friend when she pulled away.

"Thank you, Nash. You bought this, I thought it was the perfect time to wear it."

Nash grinned at her, grabbing her hand and spinning her around to look at it.

"Well it looks amazing on you. As I always knew it would."

She hugged her again, but this time Rain braced for the pain that emulated from her probably broken or cracked rib cage. She sent a small smile Thorne's way over Nash's shoulder, but he didn't return it. His eyes were full of disapproval, but Rain didn't care.

This was her day. And as long as Nash was here, he couldn't ruin it for her.

"Alright, well. Let's get to this fancy birthday party Money Bags has prepared for you."

She grabbed some glass of something off of the bar, heading for the front door. Rain knew a car would be waiting to take them away. Take them to some place full of rich people she didn't really know. People who didn't know her.

Or, if they did, it was as Hawthorne Campbell's wife.

She made to follow Nash, but Thorne's grip on her arm stopped her. The door shut behind Nash and she looked up at Thorne, feeling helpless in seconds.

He bent towards her, lips at her ear.

"Foolish, Rain. Very foolish."

He released her arm and she stared at him. She didn't know exactly what it was that was foolish, but she knew it wasn't anything good. 

And she knew she'd find out later.

"That's exactly what I am, right? A fool?"

Rain was surprised by the words that came out of her own mouth, taking a step back from Thorne's tall form.

"For so many things."

She bit her lip to prevent the tears from falling, rushing over to the door. She took the steps down to the car, sliding in next to Nash. She gave her best friend a smile, reaching over and taking a drink out of the glass she was still holding. It was bitter and disgusting, but she drained the entire thing before Thorne slid into the car with them.

She looked at him once, handing the glass back to Nash. The surprise on her best friend's face was nothing compared to the surprise Rain felt at her own thoughts.

Because Thorne was right.

She was foolish. But not for the reasons he was thinking.

She was foolish for ever thinking he loved her at all.

--------------------

Shame on you, but shame on me too.

2-16: Never Gonna Change

You're pushing down on my shoulders
And emptying my lungs
And in a moment I'm older
In a moment, you've won
----------------------

January passed without incident. Thorne didn't touch her again. His eyes almost stayed gentle. They almost showed emotion. It was as if he was a completely different person. Rain grew used to his warmth. Glowed in it.

She didn't know what happened that night, but she was convinced it had been a fluke. Convinced that it was just something that happened, something she could move forward from.

But, as February began, something shifted in the atmosphere of their home. As if the cold entered the walls and permeated everything the way the snow fell on the ground.

She couldn't touch anything without it freezing beneath her fingertips, and she wasn't sure that love should feel like that. That he should feel like that.

But, still, she held onto that faith in him. The reason she married him in the first place. He was the reason that she was happy now. Even if that happiness iced over on impact.

-----------------------

Something awoke Rain from her dreams. Some buzzing from the vicinity of her bed. It was repetitive and obnoxious and she couldn't block it out. She opened one blurry eye glancing at the windows in her bedroom, letting out a soft groan.

The sun isn't even out yet. Who could possibly be calling me?

She turned over amongst the sheets, noticing the spot next to her was empty. Empty except for her vibrating mobile device. The screen was bright in the darkness, and she had to blink a couple of times to let the picture of her sister's face on the screen come into focus.

"Storm? Are you aware that it's 4 AM here?"

Her voice was rough, covered in the remnants of sleep. And at first, Storm's sounded similar when she began speaking, and then Rain realized she was holding back tears.

It was such a rare occurrence in her sister's undulations that she would recognize it in anywhere.

"Rain, something's happened with Thaddeous."

Rain sat up quickly, her head woozy from the suddenness of it. It took a few moments for her to force words out of her mouth. To ask to hear whatever it could be.

"What happened?"

"He overdosed. Heroin."

Storm paused on the other end, speaking to someone in the background. But she had to have covered the mouthpiece because Rain didn't hear what she said to them.

"They think he might not make it. He's in the hospital. 

I think... I think you should come home. I think you should come and see him just in case, doll."

Rain ran her hand through her hair, her eyes travelling to the bedroom door. 

"Okay, Storm. Okay. Let me talk to Thorne about this. I'll call you back."

Storm's voice rose an octave when she replied, disbelief clear in her voice.

"Talk to him about it? This is your brother. You need to be here. He can't stop you from that."

Rain nodded, even though Storm couldn't see her.

"I know. I'll be there. I love you."

But as she hung up the call, her chest prickled. Thorne wouldn't keep her from this. There was no way.

She pulled the sheets off of her and made her way downstairs, listening to signs of Thorne's presence. She followed the noise of keys being typed all the way into his office, pushing the door open softly. He looked up at her as she entered, pulling the glasses off of his face.
"Hi."

Her voice was light in the dark room, but his was cold. 

Everything from him was always so cold.

"Why are you awake?"

Rain sighed, holding her phone up.

"I need to go to California. Right now. My brother is in the hospital, Thorne."

Thorne sat his glasses on the desk in front of him and got to his feet, walking over to her and taking the phone. He tossed that on his desk too and turned back to her, shaking his head.

"No. You don't. You're not going anywhere without me, and I have too much work to do to leave on such short notice."

Rain's mouth dropped open and she felt the tears come to her eyes immediately.

"Thorne, no! I have to go! He could die!"

He grabbed the top of her arms so hard that she took a step back.

"Lower your voice, Rain."

Water spilled down the front of her cheeks and onto her nightgown. She choked on her own words, looking up at the man she loved. But she obeyed, her tone descending. 

"I have to go. You can't make me stay here. Not right now."

He tightened his grip on her arms, enough that she cried harder from the pain.

"You're not going anywhere. I just told you that."

She tried to get out of his grasp, but she couldn't. And the more she tried, the harder he pressed against her skin.

"Let me go, Thorne."

Something flashed in his eyes and he did, pushing her hard enough when he did so to make her fall on the hardwood behind her. He bent down to her level, putting his fingers under her chin to make her look up at him.

"You're not leaving me, Rain."

Her voice was gravelly, broken in pieces with her tears. But quiet, soft, almost inaudible.

"I'm not trying to. I'm trying to see my brother."

Thorne scoffed, releasing the contact on her skin.

"I said no."

He stood up straight again, walking back over to his seat. Ignoring her presence completely. All she could seem to do was stare at him from her spot on the floor. 

She had questions, but none of them would come out of her throat. She just remained there, crying.

"If you're going to cry, get out of my sight."

Rain brushed her hair out of the tears on her face, pushing herself onto her feet.

She wanted to take her phone from him. She wanted to tell someone what just happened, but she knew he would never allow that. 

So instead, she turned and left the room, shutting the office door quietly behind her.

She was his. She had to listen. She had to do what she was told.

That's just how this worked.

----------------------

Rain stood in the mirror the next day, her eyes vacant. She tried to take in what she was seeing, but it wouldn't quite register.

Bruises lined the top of both of her arms, and when she touched them, they stung.

How was she supposed to hide this at lessons? How was she supposed to explain it?

Why are you trying to hide or explain anything?

A voice in the back of her head whispered the words, but she ignored it. She didn't know. She couldn't come up with why.

She reached her hands up to her hair, tying it the way she always did. Tears slipped down her face, but the emotion that should accompany it was missing. Her chest felt empty. For one of the first times in her life, she couldn't feel the pain. The tears were coming from somewhere, but whatever was causing them was unrecognizable.

She shuffled through the leotards she wore to practice, finding one of the only ones with long sleeves. She slipped it on over her skin, wincing when it pressed against the bruises.

The sudden sound of footsteps made her jump, and Thorne appeared in the mirror behind her. He walked over to her, running his hand up the shape of her spine. His lips were at her ear, his voice soft.

"Blue suits you."

She swallowed passed the lump in her throat, trying to smile.

But failing. She could barely even get words out of her lungs.

"Thank you."

"I'll see you tonight after I get home.

I love you, Rain."

His touch left her body and he walked away, shutting the bedroom door behind him as he exited. 

Rain let out a heavy breath, one that she hadn't even noticed that she'd been holding.

She knelt to the ground to get her ballet shoes, but before she knew it ,she was on both of her knees, crying so hard her chest finally ached.

She was going to ruin her makeup, she was going to have to redo her relaxation techniques, she was going to give him away. 

That numb feeling had shattered the moment he touched her, replaced by that all too familiar pain. But now it was different. Now there was something else added into it that she knew she had never felt before.

She was scared of him now. She was scared, but she couldn't walk away from him.

If this is what love is like, I don't want it.

She looked up into the mirror in front of her and her eyes didn't even look like hers in that moment. She didn't look like herself. 

She felt like a paper doll and Thorne was playing with matches.

But what happened when he dropped one?

---------------------

Rain's muscles were sore, her head was pounding, her arms ached from the effort she'd given today. And from something else entirely, but she pushed the thought out of her mind. She glanced in the mirror, her cheeks and chest still pink from the hours she'd spent in studio.

She didn't know what was going on with Thaddeous. She didn't even know if he was okay. She hadn't been able to contact anyone, because her phone was still with her husband.

And she was trying everything she could not to think about it, but it wasn't easy.

"Rain, right?"

The girl who was speaking to her must have been talking to her for a while before Rain shook herself to reality enough to respond. She didn't recognize her, and she'd been in these lessons for months now.

"Yes. I'm sorry, but I don't know your name. I'm not sure I recognize you."

The girl smiled at her, shaking her head.

"No, no. I'm from a different class."

She held out a hand and Rain shook it, feeling a little awkward. She wasn't used to shaking anyone's hand.

"I'm Dahlia. I've heard a lot about you. Everyone says you're the best one in these classes."

Rain felt the blush hit her cheeks, her mouth opening in protest.

"I'm not, I swear. There are a lot of girls who are better than me."

Dahlia laughed, her eyes bright in the lights of the dressing room.

"Well, that's not what I have heard. Maybe you're just used to being modest."

Rain's face darkened a little and she turned back to the mirror in front of her, releasing her hair from the updo it had been in.

The girl remained standing next to her, shifting her weight awkwardly. Rain watched her face in the mirror cycle through a few expressions that seemed extremely out of place for someone who was just introducing herself.

She turned back to face her, brushing her fingers through her hair to try and flatten it before she showered.

"I'm sorry, Dahlia, but I have to shower and get home. It was nice to meet you, though. I'll see you around."

She gave her a smile, turning for the showers she had just spoken of, but Dahlia's voice broke out behind her.

"Rain, I know Thorne."

Rain froze in place, turning around to look at her.

"Everyone knows Hawthorne."

But no one calls him Thorne.

Dahlia shook her head and it was like she was fighting for words. Rain recognized the glimmer in her eyes of holding back tears more than anyone would.

"No, that's not what I meant. I know him. I dated him, when I first came here. Last year."

Panic ebbed at Rain's insides and she put a hand on her stomach as nausea picked up there.

"Okay? What does that have to do with me? We're married now, so I'm sorry if you still love him and you're upset with me. I didn't even know."

Dahlia stared at her, and the way her eyes dimmed made Rain's mouth go dry.

"I don't love him."


She walked over to Rain, and Rain just now noticed that she was shorter than her. Which was hard to do.

"And I know what he does. I know what he's capable of. You should get out while you still can."

She dropped her eyes to the ring that adorned Rain's left hand.

"I'm sorry... I have no idea what you're talking about."

Dahlia looked up at her, her eyes sad.

"Of course you don't."

Her words weren't callous, or cruel. They almost sounded like they pitied her. Rain let out a breath, stepping away from Dahlia and shaking her head abruptly.

"I don't need your advice. Thorne is a good man. Nothing has happened, and we're happy."

She turned around, opening the door to the showers and throwing a glance at the tiny raven haired girl.

"Just leave me alone, okay?"

She let the door shut behind her, blocking out Dahlia's response.

She didn't know why she was lying. She didn't know why she didn't just tell her she knew what she was talking about. That she was sorry it happened to her too.

But she didn't want to think it couldn't change. She didn't want to come to terms with the finality that sounded in Dahlia's voice when she said she didn't love him.

She never wanted that to be in her voice too.

-----------------------------

And I hate that I can't say your name
Without feeling like I'm part of the blame
And it's never gonna feel quite the same
But it's never gonna change

2-15: Silence Looks Good On You

(A/N: TW: spousal abuse
For a few chapters, actually. This is my warning ahead of time. If you didn't see this coming, I apologize. And if you have any history of this kind of abuse, these would be good chapters to skip.
At the bottom of this post, I'm going to link to a website with resources you can check out if you need any kind of help. 
And if you're where she is, get out. While you still can. Tell someone, anyone.
Just don't stay.
If they say they won't do it again, it's a lie.
Abuse is a cycle.
I love all of you more than I could ever express.)

------------------
The flight to London seemed to take twice the time it took Rain to get to California. When she'd gotten back to her mother's house that night, questions had been raised. Thorne didn't seem to believe anything she tried to tell him. 

Even though he said that he did, his eyes said something else.

And he barely spoke to her on the entire flight back two days later. They were supposed to be back on the 26th to do things with his family the way they had hers.

She was missing her dad's birthday to make it work out for both sides of the marriage, and he was barely speaking to her.

The moment the door shut behind them in their house, Thorne turned to face her. He slid his hand down her arm and taking her hand the way he always did.

That lulling sense of security settled into Rain's veins and she smiled up at him. But once again, he didn't return it.

"I have a question for you, Rain."

His grip tightened on her hand and she winced, but it wasn't an unusual occurrence. Sometimes he was a little rough, but only with his touches when he was upset. She'd grown used to it.

"What is it, Thorne?"

He reached to his pocket, holding her cell phone out to her. She'd forgotten all about losing it in California. Mostly because she hadn't expected to need it. She had thought it was in her suitcase.

She glanced down at it, puzzled at what her cell phone had to do with anything at all.

"Thank you. I had no idea what happened to this."

He dropped his grip from her hand finally and she flexed it, trying to get the slight pain to recede. 



"I'm sure that you didn't."

He walked into their living room and she followed close behind, setting her phone down on the table in the entryway.

"I'm sorry, did you try to get in contact with me? I didn't mean to misplace it, but I must have when I was packing."

He walked over to the bar that sat between their kitchen and living room, pouring some kind of amber liquid into a class. He was mostly silent, which made anxiety settle in her chest.

"I did."

He took a drink of the liquid and set the glass on the counter top, looking up at her.

"I called it when you were gone for so long on Christmas eve. I followed the ringing upstairs to your bedroom, and it was there. On your bed. So you didn't misplace it packing."

She nodded, just once. But she knew that he had something more to say here by the way he was talking. She'd heard these stories that led into her disappointing him before. 

But mostly he just met her with silence in response when he was finished. So it was best to let him.

He walked from around the bar and over to her, towering over her like he usually did.

"But I noticed something weird."

He reached toward her, sliding his fingers through her hair, pulling lightly on the end when he got to it.

"You did?"

Her voice was soft, and she almost seemed to freeze in response to how he was behaving. 

"I did. Rain... Can you tell me why Ryan would be texting you about hoping that you'd change your mind before he sees you again?"

Oh... No.

"I... I don't know."

It happened so fast, she barely registered it. Her face stung from the force of it, and she brought her hand up to the spot where his had just made contact. Tears fell in seconds and she couldn't seem to speak. She couldn't seem to do anything at all. 

"Don't lie to me."

His said the words gently. Like he hadn't just backhanded her in the face. He turned for the bar and grabbed the glass off of it. He stopped at the entryway table, sliding her phone back into his pocket and heading for the stairs.

"We have to be at their house in an hour. Make sure that you're ready."

Like nothing happened.

Like nothing happened.

----------------

"Rain, you haven't said much. Are you okay?"

Rain looked up at Thorne's mother from across the table, forcing a smile onto her face.

"I'm fine, Elise. Thank you for asking."

Thorne put his hand over hers on the table, but she moved it, folding it with her other one in her lap. She saw him raise an eyebrow out of the corner of her eye, but ignored it. All she could seem to do was stare at the food on her plate. Her appetite had all but disappeared.

She knew what Thorne had just done was wrong, but he acted as if it was normal. Like they were still normal. Kissing her and holding doors open and telling her he loved her.

But, not one apology passed his lips.

"Rain is quiet a lot. I kind of prefer it."

She looked up at him, and then away. Her face showed no sign of what he had done. 

But her heart did.

"So when are you two going to give us some grandchildren?"

Elise's voice was joking, but Rain couldn't help the wide-eyed look she gave in response to her question.

"I'm only 18. I'm not ready for children."

Elise laughed, and it was genuine, but Rain couldn't return it. She just dropped her eyes back to the untouched plate in front of her.

"No one is ready for children. Not really. And I was only kidding. Hawthorne is much too young himself."

Thorne nodded, picking up the glass in front of him, swallowing down more alcohol, like he'd been drinking most of the day.

"Children are cumbersome anyway. I'm not sure I ever want them. They cause more problems than they solve."

Rain spoke to her plate, her voice quiet.

"I want them."

She reached out, pushing the food around with her fork, trying to force herself to eat at least something. But it just wouldn't happen.

"Maybe not anytime soon, but I do someday."

The table grew quiet and Elise looked back and forth between the two of them. After a few moments, she cleared her throat, gesturing to the man that had been attending to them the entire meal. He refilled her wine glass and she raised it out to Rain in some sort of faux toast.

"Looks like you two have a lot to work on together then."

She brought the glass to her lips and Rain couldn't help but stare at her.

From what she knew of his parents, they had never been around much during his childhood. They had six sons and each time one of them was born, it was straight to their nannies. His parents didn't really raise any of their kids.

She knew nothing about children. Except how to have them and then provide monetary means.

Stop it, Rain. You don't even know her.

She shifted her stare onto Thorne and a sigh passed her lips when he leaned over, pressing his own to her temple.

"I love you. I'm sorry, Rain."

He whispered it in her ear, and despite what had happened earlier, her chest fluttered. Her mouth fell open in surprise, but she quickly retrieved her composure. Her whispered response travelling only to him.

"I love you too. It's okay, Hawthorne."

And it wasn't, but she did love him. He made a mistake, right? Mistakes can be redeemed.

It would never happen again. 

It wasn't who he was.

"Alright, if you are all finished, we should gather in the living room. We have gifts to pass out, after all."

Thorne stood at her words, holding his hand out to Rain. She took it, getting to her feet and pushing her chair into the table.

The way he looked at her was nothing like he had earlier. He looked at her like he loved her. That feeling she was always trying to see shown brightly, and she became lost in it.

She felt safe again.

She felt wanted.

And as she had said again and again, she didn't want to lose that.

---------------

Rain sat on top of the bed that she shared with Thorne, looking across into the mirror of her vanity. Her face looked unmarked. Still. There was no evidence that anything had happened. Only in her memory. 

And memories can be manipulated, right? She could pretend it never happened. Maybe she could pretend so well that she forgot it ever had.

Was that the best decision to make? Probably not. But it wouldn't stop her.

No one had to know.

Thorne came into the room, taking his watch off and sitting it on the end table.

"Did you have fun?"

Rain nodded, issuing him a smile. 

"I did. Your parents are lovely. And your brothers are too."

He sat next to her, running his fingers through her hair. They made their way to the side of her face where he had made contact not so gently earlier.

"You're beautiful, Rain."

She blushed at his words, but for some reason, all she could think about was the first time Ryan said it to her. In the car that day. About her eyes. They stung at the memory, but she refused to cry. Refused to have him question why she would.


"Thank you, Thorne."

He placed his hand at the top of her arm as he always did, his grip gentle.

"I love you. No matter what happens. You're mine.

And I love you."

She nodded almost mechanically, because every time he said it, it was in a very settled tone.

"I'm yours."

He leaned forward, his breath on the skin of her neck.

"Forever. Understood?"

Her pulse beat a little harder in her chest at his words and she exhaled, placing her hand on his.

"Understood."

-----------------

Silence looks so good on you. Darling don't you think so too?

National Domestic Abuse Hotline