2-3: Boston

You don't know me, and you don't even care
....
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains

------------

The stage lights burned brighter than any fire Rain had ever encountered. It burned her eyes, her skin, she could feel it in the tips of her fingers. She often wondered if it was all in her head. If she only felt the way that she did because she knew it had to matter... Or something imaginary like that. 

Either way, by the end of the performance, Rain's cheeks were flushed and she felt like she'd been bathing in heat.

She took her final bow with the rest of the people on stage and exited to the left, almost colliding with a guy who was barely taller than she was.

Not as tall as Ryan.

What? No. Why would he even be in her head? She hadn't thought about him all night, and she didn't want to start now. All he did was confuse her.

The smile stayed plastered on her face as she looked up at the guy, 'I'm so sorry' leaving her lips in a rush. She felt foolish all of a sudden. Dressed up in her performance outfit.

He put a hand on her arm gently, steadying her in her stance. Which wasn't exactly needed, because Rain had the balance of a ballerina. She could walk a tightrope. 

He removed his hand, stuffing it into his pocket. The way he looked at her before he spoke made her nervous, but it was a good nervous. The kind that you get right before you receive an award, or in her case, before she went on stage.

"No need to apologize. My name is Hawthorne Campbell, and I've been watching you."

His voice was thick with a British accent and Rain raised an eyebrow for just a second, folding her hands together in front of her. She was covered in heat still, her body desperately begging for a shower and a bed. She tilted her head to the side though, her smile genuine.

"I don't know if that's a good thing, or a bad thing."

He laughed, and it was melodical and charming. The kind of laugh you hear in movies. His eyes sparkled and she couldn't seem to look away from them as he spoke. Like a moth drawn to a flame.

"I'm sorry. That was probably an awkward way to introduce myself."

He held out his hand and Rain took it hesitantly, still not quite sure what was going on.

"My parents own The Royal School of Ballet in London, and I was sent here because they've heard about you. Your instructor has high hopes for you, and I can see why.

If you're interested in attending next fall, I think that I can safely say your spot is secure. After you audition, of course. But I don't even think that that is needed for anyone to see that this is your talent."

 Rain's entire face lit up. So many emotions went through her chest at once, she almost couldn't find breath to respond. How could she even get that lucky? A scout actually looking for her from her dream school? It was close to impossible...

"What? Really? Of course I am!"

Hawthorne pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, and she took it with trembling hands, her smile even wider than it had been before.

"We look forward to seeing you then."

She thanked him profusely, turning to try and run to tell Nash what had just happened when she, once again, almost collided with another tall form.

"Ryan. Hi."

She was visibly flustered, and she looked up at him with a smile that wasn't even meant for him, but he returned it in seconds.

"Hey, Rain.

You looked beautiful up there."

There was that word again... She was almost convinced that Ryan was blind as a bat at this point. 

"I... thank you. It's what I love to do, so I hope that you enjoyed yourself at least a little bit."

Ryan shrugged a shoulder. 

"Rae dragged me here, but really the only thing I liked about this whole thing was seeing how happy you looked. You were glowing."

Rain blinked, biting down on her lip and clutching the piece of paper tighter in her hand.

"You say that like I'm the sun. Stars glow, not people."

Ryan surveyed her appearance, directing his eyes behind her to the stage after a few seconds.

"Maybe you are a star. It would make sense. You light up everything around you."

She was flattered, and she was nine hundred percent sure it showed in her cheeks. Just as it always did.

"You and your words. Are you always this charming?"

He laughed his infectious laugh and looked back at her, nodding once.

"I don't know if you'd call it charming. I'd call it charismatic."

"I can see that too."


Ryan seemed to hesitate for a second, his eyes finally settling on the paper on her hands. He didn't acknowledge it, though. Instead he caught her off guard completely with what left his mouth.

"What are you doing Monday night? Do you wanna hang out?"

Rain felt her heart rate increase in a moment. But she couldn't help but smile.

"What? Like a date?"

Ryan shook his head quickly, his eyes widening.

"No. No, no, no.

I'm 8 years older than you, and you're seventeen. That's not something I'm sure anyone would be okay with. I just meant like... hanging out as friends."

Rain shifted her weight, finally procuring a smile.

"Okay. After practice?"

He brightened, his smile huge.

"Awesome! I'll pick you up?"

Rain bounced in her stance, nodding. She gave him a tiny wave, rushing past him to look for Nash. But when she looked over her shoulder once she found her, Ryan was still looking her way. 

That same smile still in place.

-------------

"No, no. Rain. London?"

Xavier leaned against the side of the couch, rubbing his face with his hands. He didn't seem to want to listen to any reason that Rain tried to throw his way. The moment he heard about where the ballet school was located, he shook his head vehemently. 

"I didn't know you were even attempting to get into a school that far away, or I would have already told you that it was off the table."

He approached where she was sitting on the couch and knelt down at her level, putting his hand over hers.

"Rain... Do you realize how far away London is from California? Do you realize how much I, nor anyone else, can protect you there? You'll be alone, on your own, with no one to turn to."

Rain pulled her hand out of her dad's grip and dropped her eyes to the floor, letting out a loud exhale before speaking.

"Dad... You're letting Storm go all the way to New York. I'm not seeing much of a difference here. Besides the fact that I'm the youngest daughter and she's the oldest."

And she always gets whatever her heart desires.

Xavier sighed, shaking his head. He stood up straight, peering down at Rain with a look in his eyes she was all too accustomed to seeing. Disappointment.

"New York is in the United States. It's not across an ocean, and Storm has always known exactly what she is doing with her life. She can protect herself."

Rain's mouth dropped open and she got to her feet, pushing her fingernails into her palms at her side.

"And I can't?! Why is she so capable of it, but you think that I'm not?"

Xavier shook his head quickly, and Rain caught a flash of something in his eyes. The only way he ever showed emotion. Ever since she could remember, her dad never lost his cool about anything. He was a walking, talking, self control robot.

"Rain... You're seventeen. Storm is going to be twenty one. It's different."

Rain felt the tears sting at her eyes, and she turned her head away so her father wouldn't see them.

"It's not different. I'm going to be eighteen before I ever even leave. I'm not a child. I'm not weak or naive. I can handle it."

Xavier reached towards his daughter as if to comfort her, but Rain took a step to the side.

"I'm sorry, Rain. My answer is no. I won't pay for this, and I can almost guarantee that your mother will agree with me."

When she finally met her dad's eye contact, the tears on her face were more than evident.

"It's not fair. It's not fair that my big sister can follow her dreams, and I'm never allowed to.

It isn't fair that you don't trust me. It isn't fair that you think that I am incapable of making these kinds of decisions for myself.

And it isn't fair that you talk to me like I'm so far beneath Storm and Thad because I'm not academically secure.

This is all that's left for me. This is what I'm good at.

I don't understand why you'd take that away from me."

She pushed past her father, ignoring whatever words he was speaking and headed for the stairs to her room. She had no idea what she was supposed to do. 

Her dream had just dissolved to pieces in her hands. Like dust in the wind.

It was over before it even began.

--------------

Rain's knocks echoed in the air, and a cat sitting on a rock outside of Ryan's house looked up at her in disdain. Like she was interrupting its peaceful reverie of felineness. She bit down on her lip and nodded at the animal, like somehow it would be able to acknowledge that she didn't mean to disturb it. She never meant to disturb anything, and somehow she always did.

The cat yawned, turning its face away, as if Rain never bothered it at all.

Rain had almost forgotten all about hanging out with Ryan with everything that had happened earlier. She hadn't even went to practice... For the first time in seven and a half years. She was too busy crying and feeling sorry for herself.

But, for some reason, she thought that maybe Ryan would help her get her mind off of it. At least maybe make her laugh.

When he opened the door, he looked equal parts sleepy and surprised.

"Rain? Why aren't you at practice?"

She paused for a second, shifting her weight and folding her hands in front of her.

"I didn't go... Can I come inside?"

The surprise on his face doubled, but he nodded and stepped aside so she could enter.

Rain looked around the room, trying to think of something to say. She didn't even know what they were supposed to do. She had no idea how she could have any kinds of fun, and also, she highly doubted their ideas of fun were the same thing...

Ryan shut the door softly behind her, and when she turned to face him, his surprise had turned into something closer to confusion.

"Are you okay?"

He approached her hesitantly, taking her hand for just a second. He led her towards a plushly decorated living room, tossing a pillow off of the couch so she could sit on it. She'd seen the living room a few times. At family gatherings. But for the most part, when their families had gotten together, it was at the Simon's house.

When she sat down, he let go of her hand, but she still didn't know how to answer. Most of the people she knew couldn't even tell that she was upset. And yet, Ryan could?

What did that say about her family and friends?

"I... My dad..."

She looked over at him, reading the expression on his face. How much he looked like he actually cared about what she had to say. She tucked her fingernails into her palms, trying to stop the tears from falling. 

But they did anyway.

And the story of what happened, fell just as smoothly as the traces on her cheeks.

She always felt weak when she cried. Which she did a lot. Her mother, her sister, everyone in her family but her... None of them cried hardly ever. But then again, what did any of them have in common with Rain?

"I don't know what to do. This is my dream, Ryan. This is what I've always wanted to do... It's what I was made to do, and he took it from me as easily as candy from a baby."


She took a deep breath, keeping her eyes on the floor. She was scared to look at him. Scared that what she'd see on his face would be akin to the disappointment that always seemed to be etched on everyone else's.

"Rain... I can help you."

His voice was quiet. Nothing like she was used to hearing from him. He was usually loud, musical, charming. But right now, he was quiet and thoughtful. It was so unusual it took a moment for her to understand what he was trying to say.


"Ryan... No. I'll find a way to handle it on my own. The auditions are a month before my birthday-"

He cut her off, and she finally looked up at him as he spoke, his face sure.

"Exactly. You get your inheritance a month after it's too late. I can see it in your eyes that this is extremely important to you. Let me pay for it. Let me help you."

Rain shook her head quickly, wiping the remaining tears off of her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"You can't do that. It's too expensive. It's all the way in London."

At that, Ryan let out a laugh.

"Nothing is too expensive for our family... Trust me."

Rain stared at him for a moment, studying his face. 

"Why would you do this for me? You barely know me."

Ryan shrugged a shoulder, smiling at her gently.

"I know you enough. I know it'll make you happy, and you deserve to be happy."

Rain's mouth fell open for a second, and she lost all meaning of what speaking meant.

"I... Thanks, Ryan. I don't hear that a lot."

He touched her knee for a second, his smile widening into a grin.

"No problem. I do have a couple of stipulations though.

One, I'm going with you. Non negotiable. 

Two, you can't tell your family until we're safely back in California. Especially your father. I like not being murdered, so that is also non negotiable.

Three, you can't skip practice again. For anything."

Rain took the first two conditions in stride, nodding along with his words. But when the third one was said, she looked at him in surprise.

"What... Why? I mean not that I want to, but... why?"

Ryan tilted his head, raising an eyebrow.

"Because it's what you were born to do, as you say. It means everything to you and no one should be able to stop you from doing it.

If you need someone to be there for you, and you're upset, stick it out and text me afterwards. Just don't skip it again. This is your dream, and who you are.

And contrary to what you told me earlier... No one can take that from you, unless you let them. And I'm not going to let you allow that to happen."

Rain felt the blush hit her cheeks and she nodded, a small smile finally falling into place.

"Okay. I promise."

Ryan grinned again, his musical laugh filling the small spaces between them.

"Alright then. Now that that's all been decided, let's play a video game.

How are you at Call of Duty?"

Rain looked at him like he was speaking a foreign language.

"I don't even know what that is..."

He placed a controller in her lap, turning on the TV. 

"Well. I'll suck just for you.

It would be cute watching you lose though."

Rain held the controller in her hands, watching Ryan's face as he set the game up, trying not to let his words into her head. Last time she did that, she couldn't stop dwelling on them for a week.

"You think I'm cute?"

Ryan shrugged a shoulder, finally meeting her gaze.

"Who doesn't?"

She wanted to tell him that he was wrong... That people didn't find her cute. That that was not an adjective that anyone would ever use to describe her... But instead, she leaned closer to him and pressed her lips to his cheek.

She pulled away, the blush on her face transcending all the way onto her chest.

"I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

His face was covered in shock for a moment, but he recovered from it quickly, clearing his throat.

"Why not? Doesn't seem like something you should be sorry for. I'm not."

Silence settled into the room like a fog, filling up Rain's lungs, making her wish she hadn't just done what she did. Like somehow it was a mistake, or that she had crossed some imaginary line.

"Okay... so... video games."

Ryan directed his attention back to the TV, hitting some random sequence of buttons.

"Video games."
--------------

She said, I think I'll go to Boston
I think I'll start a new life
I think I'll start it over
Where no one knows my name

2-2: White Noise

It's hard to be what you need through a static screen.
Been trying to speak for weeks and weeks.
Open my mouth,
All that comes out is white noise and incomprehensible sounds,
And all you ever do is turn me down.

-------------

The first thing Rain heard when she exited the front doors of the school building, was shouting. And one of the voices she knew as well as she knew her own.

Goodness, Nash. What have you gotten into now?

Nash was squared off with Kelsey in front of the parking lot, and a pretty substantial crowd had gathered to watch whatever was going down. Dread instantly sank into Rain's stomach as she politely made her way to the front of the group.

"Nash. What are you doing?"

She hissed the words, barely loud enough to be heard over the chatter of everyone around her. Nash took one glance at Rain and scowled, directing her gaze back to Kelsey. It looked like she'd already hit her at least once, and Kelsey was definitely out for blood.

"Turns out the perfect princess over here, has been fucking my boyfriend."

Rain winced at Nash's choice of words, but she straightened up, her eyes on Kelsey's face. She didn't even seem like she was embarrassed that Nash had announced that in front of half of their graduating class, she just looked smug. Like having sex with someone else's boyfriend was something to be proud of.

Rain didn't even want to know what kind of condition Nash's now ex-boyfriend, Stephen, would be in. Probably much worse than just the black eye blossoming on Kelsey's face.

"What the hell is going on?"

Rain turned toward the voice, looking up above her head at least a foot, at the guy who had spoken. Ryan... What was he even doing at her school? He had to be at least 25 and way too old to be in this parking lot out of nowhere. She cleared her throat, directing her attention back at her best friend who had just thrown God knows what at Kelsey's head.

"Nash is mad at Kelsey and yelling at her. It happens at least once a week, this time it's just more serious."

Ryan raised an eyebrow, pressing closer to Rain so he could see better. It made her uncomfortable, but she couldn't exactly place why. It wasn't the type of uncomfortable that made her stomach turn with nausea... It was more like the type that made her cheeks grow hot. Like him being that close to her would allow him to see all of her insecurities written on her face.

She deliberately took a step to the side, the distance alleviating that uncomfortable pull. 

She thought she felt the pressure of his eyes on her. Like somehow he noticed. But she brushed it off, trying her best to pay attention to the ridiculous fight unfolding in front of her.

Nash punched Kelsey one more time, the sound echoing in the air, before Rain heard the vice principal's voice ringing out over the crowd.

"Abernathy! Jarred! My office, now!"

Rain shook her head, watching the two scowling girls shoving their way through the crowd toward the voice.

"Well, I was hoping there'd be more blood. But I guess that suffices.

You ready to go, Rain?"

She blinked in surprise, turning to face him.

"Excuse me?"

He shrugged his shoulder at his car that was parked lopsided at the curb, her cousin, Christian, already inside.

"I'm assuming since your ride just got more than likely expelled, that you might need a way home.

Or am I wrong? You can always walk..."

What was with this guy and insisting that she walk places? And how did he even know that Nash was supposed to take her home? She didn't think he was around that much, but maybe he was. If he hung around her parents, he'd know that they weren't Nash's biggest fans. They thought she was reckless and impulsive. Much like her mother had been when she was younger.

Or so Rain had heard, anyway.

"Okay."

She mumbled the assent quietly, following him and slipping into his back seat, not saying another word.

---------------

"Hey. Wait a second."

Rain stopped with her hand on the door handle for a moment, looking over the headrest at Ryan's face. They had dropped Christian off first, which had already kind of bothered her. She had ballet tonight, and the performance was in two days. The last thing that she wanted was to be late. She kind of already was, but it wasn't like Ryan could possibly know that. Could he?

"What... Why?"

He turned so he was angled towards her, a smile playing at the edges of his lips. 

"I just want to talk to you."

This guy is always smiling. Like he holds all the secrets in the world in the palm of his hand. And every single one of them is hilarious.

She sighed, placing both of her hands in her lap and raising an eyebrow at him.

He looked uneasy, but it was just for a second, the look quickly replaced by a new smile. One a little less sure than the one before.

"Okay, don't look at me like that. Your eyes are intimidating enough."

Rain tilted her head, surprise settling in her chest.

"My eyes are... what?"

He nodded, running a hand through his hair. The laugh he expelled from his lungs was infectious, but she couldn't quite echo it. She was too busy trying to figure out what he could have meant by whatever kind of statement that was. It was close to a compliment, right?

"Yeah. You have this flash thing that goes through your eyes. It looks like... Nah, never mind.

Don't get me wrong, they're beautiful. But that flash is intimidating."

Rain felt the blush hit her cheeks, and she couldn't imagine how red they were with how pale she was. Ryan laughed again, and she twisted her hands together, keeping her eyes fixated on the floor of the car.

"And now you're blushing. Does that mean I'm doing something right? Or really, really wrong?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't seem to find words. She knew she should probably say thank you, or something like that, but her mouth was dry. She wasn't even sure if she was embarrassed or flattered.

She just knew he was wrong. Nothing about her was beautiful. She had sharp features, her daddy's face almost in its entirety. She was okay, and she wasn't by any means ugly, but she definitely wasn't beautiful.

Storm was beautiful. Her mother was beautiful. Nash was.

Rain, was not.

"I'm talented, not attractive. I'm sorry that I look at you and it scares you, but I don't mean for it to."

Ryan shook his head slowly.

"I think you are misinterpreting my meaning of the word 'intimidating'.

But, you know. That's fine. Have fun at ballet. See you later, Rain."

He sat back against the seat and Rain finally opened her door, stepping out into the warm, California autumn air.

"Bye, Ryan..."

She shut the door and took a step back as he drove away, watching his car until it disappeared from view.

-----------------

When Rain woke up the next day, she was completely exhausted. Ballet had ran two hours late, the preparations for Saturday becoming more extensive as the day drew near. She was in her senior, and final year of high school, and it wasn't nearly as pressuring as her time with ballet. 

Her applications for early acceptance into her top schools were sent out, but she hadn't had the heart to tell her parents that the only one she was really hoping to get accepted into was in an entirely different country. The Royal School of Ballet was in London... And it had been her dream since she'd heard of it.


She wasn't even entirely convinced that her parents would support a non academic college. No matter how good she was at what she loved, with two siblings dead set on highly successful futures, would one last child following their dream really disappoint them?

It's not like I don't disappoint them already...

Rain brushed the thought off, studying her reflection in the mirror. She ran Ryan's words yesterday through her mind, tracing her fingers over the sharp bones and outlines of her face. She would be the only one that looked like her father. Both of her siblings were so much like Eden, it was insane. 

She'd always been convinced that it should have been Thaddeous that looked like Xavier, not her. She was one of the daughters... She should have looked like her mother. She knew the kind of reaction Eden used to get from men. The way guys looked at her, even now.

She didn't want that, exactly. Just some proof of being beautiful that her sister carried.

Because no matter how many times she looked in the mirror over the last 12 hours, she couldn't see what Ryan had seen.

She wasn't even sure that anyone had ever even called anything about her beautiful before.

"Ugh, thanks."

She whispered the words to herself, rolling out of the bed and heading to her closet. She didn't know how to handle the compliment or whatever it was... So she'd just ignore it. What else could she really do?

She didn't even know how such a simple statement could have her so curious about her own appearance. 

Maybe it was because she'd always been complimented on other things. Her talent, her balance, her ability to physically outdo others in ballet shoes.

But never her eyes.

She squeezed them shut at the thought, opening them after a few seconds and focusing her attention on the task in front of her:

Getting ready for the last day of school, of practice, before one of the most important nights of her entire ballet experience.

She didn't need beautiful eyes. She didn't need a pretty face. Not in the end. 

When everything was added up, all she needed was her heart, and her love for what she could accomplish.

Nothing else mattered.

------------

Storm came down the stairs so fast, Rain almost had to jump out of her way. Her face was lit up like a Christmas tree, and Rain couldn't imagine what could have her so happy at seven in the morning. She still didn't even feel half alive yet. She needed coffee and food before she could even try to manage a smile that wasn't that of a robot.

She followed Storm into the kitchen, where the rest of her family was already sitting at the table. Eden seemed to be the only one who looked as tired as Rain felt. Which wasn't entirely surprising, because she was less of a morning person than Rain was.

"Why do you look like someone gave you a million dollars?"

Thaddeous said the words incredulously, raising an eyebrow. 

Storm let out a laugh, dropping into the chair at the side of the table that Rain usually sat in. Rain stalled for a moment, taking the other seat reluctantly. She tried not to give her sister any type of disappointed look, but she couldn't quite help it.

"Well, I already have a million dollars probably... Dad's got plenty of money. Money's not ever gonna be a problem for me, or any of us."

Eden and Xavier exchanged a look across the table, and Xavier sighed audibly. He hated when any of them talked about the money, even though his children were standing to inherit more than they'd ever know what to do with. If it hadn't been for his wife, he would have never taken his dad's money at all. 

But when he had died of cancer the year before, Eden had convinced him that he deserved every penny that his dad left behind for all the hell he'd been put through.

Rain could still recall the fight play by play.

"Anyway..."

Xavier's voice cut through whatever Thaddeous' sarcastic response had been, his eyes on Storm's.

"Now that we have established you will be rich from money that you don't have to earn, can you let everyone know why you almost shoved your sister down the stairs?"

Rain's cheeks grew hot and she looked up at her dad, returning the small smile he shot her way. She didn't even know that he had noticed that.

"I got approved for an internship in Manhattan! With a fashion company. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I'm totally going."

She sounded so sure of her decision. Even as Xavier and Eden did the look thing across the table again. Rain could almost feel the protest hanging between them. Fashion? Instead of academics? That was unheard of in this house.

She wondered if their thoughts had automatically went to her. The daughter who sucked in school and who only focused on her interests. The one who would give up college in a heartbeat to follow her heart.

She inhaled a sharp breath, dropping her eyes to the table. She was waiting for the explosion. For the 'what about school?'. The same speech she got every time ballet came before school. 

But it never came.

"I guess we should make arrangements for an apartment then, yeah?"

The apple Rain had been holding dropped out of her grip and she snapped her eyes up, locking them on her dad's face again.

Seriously?

What was so special about her older sister? Why did she get away with this, but the moment Rain mentioned anything about deviating away from school for dancing, her world fell apart?

Rain could feel the tears sting the corners of her eyes as she pushed away from the table. She headed for the door, her chest heavy with disappointment.

"Rain? Are you okay? Where are you going?"

Her dad's voice was unsure, and when she turned to face him, his eyes matched his tone.

She had so much she wanted to say... So much she wanted to ask him. Ask both of them.

But instead, she whispered 'school' and turned back around, exiting as quietly as she could.

-------------

I'm watching.
I'm waiting.
I'm aching.
Suffocating.
I'm breathing.
I'm speaking.
Can you hear me?
I'm screaming for you