2-11: Mother & Father

I don't want to wake up lonely
I don't want to just be fine
I don't want to keep on hoping
Forget what I had in mind


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The moment the plane landed, Rain took in a deep breath. She was here. In London. Thousands of miles and an ocean between her and everything in California. It was almost bittersweet. She pulled her carry on higher up on her shoulder, pushing through the glass doors. 

She had a habit of keeping her eyes on the ground, steadily fixed on where she was going instead of everything around her. No one talked to her when she did. It was a safeguard against all of the anxiety. Most of the time.

The crowd in front of her cleared and she finally did look up, only to freeze in place.

"Hawthorne?"

It was barely a whisper, so she knew he didn't hear it, but she let it out anyway. Why was he here? And most importantly, why was he standing next to a man holding a sign with her name on it?

She walked over to him hesitantly once her feet started working again, her cheeks blushing lightly under the shelter of her hair. He smiled down at her, and she returned it, wondering if she was supposed to speak or wait for him to.

"Hello, Rain."

She looked back down at the ground, her voice quiet as she responded.

"Hello, Hawthorne."

He reached out, putting a fingertip under her chin. Her eyes lifted to his, his touch firm but careful. He looked down into her eyes, and she wasn't sure how to respond to any of this. She wasn't used to people just randomly touching her. Especially like that. She couldn't seem to find the will to take in oxygen.

But she didn't want to tell him to stop.

"Are you ready to go?"

Rain's focus shifted from his touch to his gaze, and she let out a small noise.

"I... I am, yes. But why are you here? My dad arranged for me to have a car here, so I don't under-"

Hawthorne laughed softly, his skin finally disconnecting from hers. When it did, she finally felt like she could breathe again.

"I know he did. But you promised to spend tonight with me, remember?" 

She did remember. But it still didn't explain why he was here instead of showing up at her apartment later.

"I remember."

Thorne nodded once, gesturing without looking to the guy beside him. The guy stepped forward, taking the bag off of Rain's shoulder. She went to protest, but stopped before any words actually escaped. She had no reason to. Thorne's parents owned the school she was accepted into, she had no reason not to trust him.

"Aaron and my men will take the rest of your luggage and have it delivered to your apartment, for now, your only focus is what we are doing tonight. 

I even have a dress for you to wear. You like blue, right?"

His words were so calm, collected. Woven into the air in his light British accent. It reminded her, briefly, of how her dad would talk. But there was a difference there she couldn't quite name. Probably the fact that he was English, and her father was very much not.

She nodded once, watching Aaron disappear into the crowd along with another man. She wasn't even sure exactly what was going on at this point, but she placed her hand in Thorne's when he held it out.

In the back of her mind, she ran Ryan's words on a loop, thinking about them carefully. But when she looked up into Thorne's eyes, and his smile settled into her veins, she couldn't understand a single reason why Ryan had a bad feeling about him.

All she felt was secure. And for some reason.... wanted.

Which was something she hardly ever felt.

So she was going to accept it.

If no one else would make her feel that way, what was wrong with letting the one person who could?

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The door to the car opened and Thorne exited, stopping to reach his hand out and help Rain out afterwards. She didn't know he lived the way he did. That he had drivers, cars, such a lavish lifestyle. It made sense when you actually looked at him. From the way he dressed, to the way he spoke. He was very obviously one of the wealthy.

She just hadn't paid enough attention.

And she instantly felt like she didn't compare. Yes, her family had money, and a lot of it. But they didn't live this way. Her father would have never allowed any of it.

And still, she didn't understand his sudden and abrupt interest in her. Men like him didn't pay attention to girls like her. It wasn't in their wiring.

And yet...

She felt his hand on the small of her back, and started. Every time he touched her threw her off. And he had been all night. His hand on her leg during dinner, his lips at her ear in the back of his driver's car. 

His touch swept like whispers across her skin, and it pulled her into some sort of rapid fascination every single time. Maybe because, before Ryan, no one ever had. No one had ever even looked at her for longer than a few seconds in her entire life.

It was always Storm.

But, Hawthorne, even with his glamour and allure, seemed caught up in Rain. For once, someone took an interest in her and only her.

He opened the door to her apartment building, his hand never leaving her body. He walked her over to the elevators, bending down closer to her before he pressed the button.

His lips were at her ear, and she shivered as his words entered her head.The smile on her face was enamored, her eyes were full of light, her voice breathless. She was so fixated on replaying the night in her mind, she barely even heard him.

"Can I see you again?"

She swallowed past the lump in her throat, turning her face to look up at him. She nodded once, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"Yes. This weekend after classes?"

He smiled softly, his lips dropping to the exposed skin of her neck. He touched them lightly there, and then took a step away, toward the doors. The moment his hand left her back, Rain almost felt naked. Left raw and empty. It was unexplained and it made her uncomfortable, made her feel vulnerable.

Just like Ryan had.

That's not supposed to happen. Why would that happen?

"I'll be here. Good luck in your lessons, Rain."

He paused before pushing the glass door open, looking back over at her.

"You looked beautiful tonight."

Rain felt the blush hit her cheeks and fall across her chest. She tried to make words come out of her mouth... But before she could, the door swung shut behind Thorne and he was gone.

She turned for the elevator, pressing the button inside for her floor. She shook her head quickly, trying to get rid of the fuzzy feeling his presence had put there. But it didn't work. It hadn't with Ryan either until she was far, far away from him.

Maybe I don't want it to this time. Maybe to Thorne I won't be a mistake.

Or maybe she was imagining things, and it wasn't what it seemed.

These days, what really is?

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Rain stood in front of the mirror, reaching her hands up to her hair. She pulled it off of her shoulders, tying it in a perfect knot at the side of her head. After years of practice, she could do it in seconds. It wasn't even a challenge anymore. But what was, was ignoring the feeling in her stomach.

Like she'd swallowed butterflies.

And she was well aware of who put them there. Hawthorne. Being with him was like being on stage, but with a very distinct difference. He gave her attention she didn't work for. He looked at her like she was the only thing that existed.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she almost didn't hear the vibration of her phone from somewhere in the depths of her bed. She made her way to it, her eyes bright and her stomach still fluttering.

Her sister's picture lit up the screen and she slid to answer it, her voice echoing in the room.

"Hi, Storm!"

There was a pause, followed by a very confused response.

"...Why do you sound so happy? What's going on?"

Rain cleared her throat, trying to get the sound Storm had picked up on out of her voice.

"Nothing. Why would something be going on?"

".....You're an awful liar, little sister."

Rain sat on the floor near the edge of her bed, looking across the room into the mirror again. She hardly even recognized herself. Something looked different about her, and she didn't want it to go anywhere.

"It's a guy, I guess. But he's just my friend. It's nothing important."

Her sister took a few minutes to respond, her tone clear with hesitance as she finally spoke.

"A guy? What happened to Ryan? Who is he?"

Rain shook her head even though she knew Storm couldn't see it. 

"Ryan is just my friend too. I haven't even spoken to him since I got to London."

She didn't even answer the rest of Storm's question, an unrecognizable feeling dropping into her stomach at the mention of Ryan's name. She'd done her best to pretend everything was okay when it came to him... But now she was thinking about it again. And that led nowhere she wanted to be. 

"I have to go, Storm. I have lessons today."

"Well, I just wanted to let you know I have a flight scheduled for next month... And that Ryan wanted to come too."

Rain looked back up at the mirror, and her face had darkened in just those moments.

"I..."

She stopped speaking, and the hand she was holding the phone in shook. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know if she wanted Ryan here. She wanted to focus on Hawthorne, and not worry about him. Not worry about how he made her feel.

"Alright."

She listened to Storm's response, but didn't register it. The call disconnected and she dropped her phone back on her bed, still staring in the mirror.

It was a month away. 

Maybe those dark feelings would dissipate by that point.

After all, a lot could happen in a month, right?

Maybe she'd get a miracle.

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