2-8: People Help The People

Oh, and if I had a brain
I'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool
That turned all those good hearts away
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"Shouldn't you be resting or something? Not practicing? Aren't you going to be exhausted?"

Rain dropped back to flat feet from pointe, looking over her shoulder briefly at Ryan. She'd ducked out of their room before the sun rose and went to shower and practice before the audition. It was only an hour away and the anxiety from last night had never quite left her chest.

"No. This is what I've trained my body to endure, Ryan. I'll be fine.

It's called warming up."

She turned back to the banister in front of her, trying to concentrate on what she had been doing just moments before. 

But now she was aware of the vampire's presence. And it was distracting. She slipped out of her pose, frustration on her face.

"Warming up for three hours?"

"Ryan. I'm trying to practice. Can you please leave me by myself for that? You make me nervous."

His face was collected, but he leaned against the door he had come through, tilting his head.

"You're about to be watched by a panel of judges. You can handle that but not me?"

She turned back to the mirror in front of her, his eyes catching hers in the reflection.

"It's different."

Ryan raised an eyebrow, smirking.

"You always say that, but never have a reason why it is. I'm guessing this is no different?"

She dropped her eyes from his.

"It is."

"Okay then. I'll go."

The door made an audible creak as he opened it, but it never fell shut. She looked back up in the mirror to find him looking at her again. It made that stupid drop her stomach kept doing happen again and she bit down on her lip.

"What? You're staring at me."

He shrugged one shoulder, but nodded.

"Just can't wait to see you out there, that's all.

You're going to kill it, remember?"

She laughed quietly, returning the smile he sent her way.

"I remember."

His smile widened even more and he nodded again, letting the door fall shut behind him. But she heard what he said before he disappeared.

"Just make sure you don't forget."

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"Rain Olivia Nile?"

Rain nodded once at the woman sitting in the middle of the judging panel, trying her best to smile. But mostly she just wanted to vomit. Not that now was the time for that. 

You can vomit afterwards, first you gotta make it through this.

She looked out over the crowd at the seats in the giant room, but she couldn't see anyone. The lights were too bright. Most of her line of vision consisted of the stage surrounding her and the four people determining her fate in front of her. The people on the stage with her weren't even a concern.

They were good, she'd seen them. But she was better. She almost felt bad for thinking it, but she couldn't help it.

"Okay. You all can begin any time."

The music swelled around her and Rain was instantly drawn in. Her pirouettes and turns coming out far cleaner than they should have. Because in the back of her mind, she knew Ryan was right in a way. But practicing for that long was the only way she knew how to relieve that anxiety.


Not that it was there now.

All she felt was the determination coursing through her veins. She was unaware of any of the other people auditioning at the same time as her. She was completely alone in her mind.

She needed this. She needed it more than anything she'd ever needed in her life. It was what she was born to do. What she had trained her whole life for.

And in those moments on that stage, she felt as if it could come full circle.

The music ended and she landed her last move and her heart was beating so quickly in her chest, she could barely hear the clapping coming from the seats in front of her. It started quietly but quickly came from directions she wasn't even expecting. 

Her cheeks flushed and she turned around from the stance she was in to face the front of the room. Someone cleared their throat, and she placed the action on the man sitting on the far end of the line of judges. He leaned forward, pulling the wire-rimmed glasses off of his face. His eyes were bright and he wore a smile across his lips.

When he began speaking, the nerves that had disappeared while she was dancing rose to the surface. But she swallowed them down, folding her hands in front of her and trying to catch her breath.

"You... You are extremely talented, Ms. Nile. Did you know that?

You came onto this stage and you were shaking like a leaf. I fully expected you to make at least one mistake.... But you didn't. You executed every move perfectly.

I have never, in my fifteen years of practicing, teaching and judging ballet, seen someone recover and dance like that after being as upset as you clearly were. You were almost... lost in it."

He looked at the people seated next to him, and they exchanged a look between them. Rain wasn't sure what the look meant, or if what he had just said was even a good thing.

He cleared his throat one more time, looking up at her with a genuine smile.

"I think you can assume that you have a spot in the finals. But we will let you know.

Congratulations, Ms. Nile. You did beautifully."

Her cheeks went red again, and she glanced around at the people who had been dancing with her. No one else had been called out individually. No one else had garnered even half the attention she just had.

"Thank you. Thank you so much."

Her voice cracked as she said the words, and she knew that it wasn't even what was supposed to happen. They weren't supposed to give feedback. Not to anyone. And yet, they had. For her.

She rushed off of the side of the stage, running straight into a tall form. She was so excited she couldn't find breath to apologize. She looked up at the person, and met with lavender eyes. 

"Ryan! Did you hear that! They aren't even supposed to do that! Feedback isn't allowed but."

She was breathless still, her words running together and all over the place. And Ryan's face was full of light. He smiled at her, and it radiated through her veins. 

"I saw. You looked absolutely beautiful, Rain. No one else even made an impression, but you... you were perfect."

She knew she was blushing again, and she didn't even care. She threw her arms around him and hugged him as close as she could, her pulse beating against his chest. 

"Ryan, my dreams might come true. I might actually be able to do this. Everything I worked for... Everything I wanted-"

She was silenced in an instant by lips against her own. It took her completely by surprise.

Ryan was... kissing her? She'd never kissed anyone in her entire life. How did she even...

Her body tensed and then relaxed. She lifted her fingers, resting them softly against his neck.

His arms were secure around her, and she couldn't name exactly what he tasted like but it was closer to a feeling than a sweetness.

If that was possible. Maybe it was that light that he exuded. But whatever it was, when he finally pulled away and his touch disappeared... It left her dizzy.


She touched her fingertips to her lips, and looked up at him, her eyes wide.

"Ryan?"

His eyes were just as wide as hers, and he looked almost... ashamed that that had just happened.

"Whoa... I... I didn't mean to do that."

Rain spoke through her fingers, which were still on her lips. Her voice was quiet, unsure.

"You didn't?"

Ryan shook his head, running his hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry, Rain. I got caught up in the moment. We're just friends. I didn't mean to cross that line."

Rain blinked once, staring up at him. Her chest grew heavy and something fell into her stomach that was much different than how he usually made her feel. And it was just as alien. She felt the tears burn her eyes before they fell. The happiness of the audition from moments before the kiss had all but dissipated. Ryan had just replaced it with something else. 

And then taken it away in just a few words.

"Okay."

She pushed past him for the doors to the changing area, but his fingers closed around her arm before she could go very far.

"Rain... Are you mad at me?"

She wiped the tears off of her face with the back of her hand, shaking her head hastily.

"No."

Ryan released her, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"It won't happen again, Rain.

I'm sorry. Congratulations."

She let out a noise, trying to smile, but failing.

"Thanks, Ryan."

She pushed through the doors, that heavy feeling in her chest threatening to explode. She had no idea what was going on inside of her. She should be thrilled, this was her dream. This was her entire future. 

But all she could seem to do, was cry.

Over a kiss. Over a few words.

Over something she could have never anticipated wanting. 

She barely knew Ryan.

And here she was, wishing desperately, out of nowhere, that she could.

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Rain leaned against the door of the hotel room, staring at the suitcases in front of her. She'd packed everything in less than an hour. She knew from what she had been told, that she was probably going to be back in London in just a few short months. 

Finals were right after her birthday, and then... In September, she might be here for good. For training and then... who really knew where it would take her.

But it was hard to be excited for some reason. Hard to act like she was excited. Ryan's kiss had gotten into her head, and now she was confused. And more distracted than she'd ever been in her life from ballet.

Why did he have to kiss me?

She wasn't even sure if it was the kiss or the words afterward. But something was screwing her up inside. Making her feel like she, once again, wasn't doing something right. Could she have really been that bad? Was she poisonous or something?

She slid down the door to the floor, crawling on her knees over to the suitcases. She zipped the biggest one shut and tried to stop herself from crying, but it wasn't working. She kept going like someone had turned a faucet on in her that never shut off last night.

Her eyes were red and puffy and her head pounded. But she couldn't stop.

Her chest shook with it and she pressed her face against her knees, trying to ground herself. Trying to feel something outside of her own mind. Her emotions were always messed up. She was always upset about something. 

And she despised it. How weak she was.

Rain felt everything way too much.

They have no idea that I'd give anything to be like them. I'd give everything to not have this inside of me.

She removed her face from her knees at the sound of the door opening, glancing up at Ryan's giant frame. His concern was stamped all over his expression and it just made her feel worse.

"Rain, you're crying?"

He hadn't come back to the room last night, so she assumed he'd gone home. But that was obviously not the case.

"I'm fine."

She sat up straight, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"You clearly aren't. What's wrong?"

He knelt down beside her, reaching towards her, but she recoiled.

"Please don't touch me. Please."

He withdrew his hand, dropping it next to his side. Tears slipped down her face again and she took in a shaky breath, getting to her feet.

"I just want to go home."

Ryan straightened up, glancing around the room one last time. He didn't seem to know what to say, and honestly, Rain didn't want him to say anything at all.

"Alright. Let's get you home."

Rain picked her suitcase up, but he took it from her before she could make it to the door. She wanted to protest, but didn't have it in her. She couldn't even really seem to look at him. 

Something in her chest flipped when she tried.

What, exactly, was going on with her?

She couldn't place it, and didn't really know if she wanted to.

Was she crushing on him or something? She'd seen Nash do it with so many guys she lost count when they were thirteen. But she'd never had a crush on anyone. Was this how it felt?

Or was it just that he had acted so despondently to kissing her?

She felt like a misfit toy. Like she would never quite work right. She couldn't respond to anything the way that a normal human would. She felt things so strongly they suffocated her.

The doors to the hotel slid shut and she took in a deep breath of the London air, pressing her nails into her palm.

Whatever it was, needed to die out. She couldn't handle any more pressure.

Especially from within.

Thank God that in just a few months, she'd be away from him and everything else that made her feel like such a freak in California.

The tears finally ebbed on the taxi ride to the airport, and as she climbed out, she glanced over at Ryan. She was finally able to look at him, and she could only think of one thing to say.

"I can't wait to come back."

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