2-5: Waking Up

And there's a burning love in me at rest
I'm pounding at the walls of my flesh
I'm trying my best
But I can feel this all deep in my chest

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"How could you have been so careless, Thaddeous?"

Eden's voice carried into the living room, where Rain was curled up on the couch, trying to focus on a movie. But her parents had been arguing with her little brother for close to an hour, and it was proving impossible.

"It's not like I fucking do this all the time. It was once."

Thaddeous' voice was cutting, annoyed. And Rain knew based on the argument she heard last night that Thaddeous was lying. He was being so much different than how he usually was. 

"Do not speak to your mother like that. You speak to her with respect, or you don't speak to her at all. Understand?"

Xavier sounded calm, but Rain could hear the anger there too. If there was one thing he didn't stand for, it was any of them disrespecting their parents.

"Whatever, dad. I made a mistake. You act as if the two of you never made any. Jesus, I was a mistake."

That was news to Rain. As far as she knew, all three of them were planned. But, maybe she was wrong. But how could Thaddeous know something she didn't?

"Don't give me that, Thad. What we did when we were younger does not excuse something like this. You could have went to jail. Is that what you want? To go to prison because you got caught with the wrong people?"

Thaddeous snorted.

"Like grandpa would let me go to jail."

Since when was Thaddeous so cavalier? He was never like this. 

"You know what? You're grounded. I want your car keys and your cell phone. Now.

And next time you think it's okay to do drugs, I'll permanently take both of them."

Her dad's voice clearly said he was through with her brother's behavior. And she couldn't blame him.

She couldn't even seem to wrap her mind around the fact that she had walked downstairs behind her best friend at this party to find her brother squared off with some guy she didn't even know.

What was worse was the fact that the fight was over drugs. Not that she knew what kind. But apparently, her brother wanted what the guy owed him, had owed him for a while. And she hadn't even known he was doing drugs. Why would he? 

He was smart, his future was so bright. He had so much potential and so much going for him... Why would he ruin it to get high?

She knew he probably hated her for telling their parents, but she only did was she thought was right.

A loud bang echoed from the kitchen, like something had been thrown.

"What the fuck ever.

I can take care of myself. I have been haven't I?"

His footsteps stomped up the stairs, and her parents voices were quiet, but she could make them out.

"Eden... drugs? I know you had your moments but we've tried to keep the three of them away from this shit."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Xav. We can't save them from everything. Sometimes they have to make their own mistakes."

"Yeah, you say that now, but what happens when he overdoses, or gets busted?

You can't tell me you're condoning this behavior. You're smarter than that."

"I'm not. I'm just saying that he has to learn somehow. He's going to do whatever he wants. God knows I did."

"So what are our options here?"

Silence spread through the bottom floor of the house, and Rain waited with her breath held for her mom's response.

"I'm not sure we have any. He's going to have to decide for himself that he's being foolish. But if we hear anything again, we'll send him to rehab. What else can we do?"

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Rain knocked on the door to Thaddeous' room quietly, trying to calm the fear in her stomach. She wasn't sure what she expected, but she also wanted to explain herself to him. He wasn't really close to her by any means, but she loved her little brother. She didn't want him to hate her, just because she told out of concern.

"Go away."

"Thad, please let me in. I want to talk to you."

There was a soft rustling from the other side of the door, and then footsteps. The door swung open and Thaddeous' face was angry. He looked at Rain like he wanted to set her on fire.

"The last thing I want is to talk to you, Rain. Get lost."

Rain's face fell and she took a deep breath.

"Thaddeous, I'm sorry. I only told because I was worried about you. I didn't mean for it to be that big of a fight."

Thaddeous laughed, but there was no humor in it.

"It's drugs, Rain. What exactly did you think would happen?"

Rain shifted her weight, her bottom lip quivering with the tears that already wanted to spill down her cheeks.

"I don't know. I don't know anything about drugs. I didn't think you did either."

Her voice was soft, and Thaddeous continued to glare at her. 

"Rain... Not everyone in this family is as perfect as you. Not everyone can handle everything the way you seem to. 

You're their prized possession and the rest of us are in your shadow. 

Sorry that I don't fucking like never seeing the sun."

Rain's mouth dropped open and all she could seem to do was stare at him.

"I'm the prized possession? Is that a joke? Thaddeous, I'm nothing like you and Storm. You two are geniuses and I am literally left in the dust."

Thaddeous took a step away from the door, crossing his arms over his chest. His face was completely incredulous.

"You have to be fucking kidding me. I may be smart, but I get nowhere near the admiration that you do. All they ever do is worry about you. So much so I may as well not exist."

The tears finally fell, and Rain's voice hitched on every word.

"No! No they don't! They don't even care about me because I can't measure up to the standards you and my sister have set for me! 

I'm invisible, Thaddeous."

Thaddeous looked away from her, his eyes far, far away.

"You're right. You are. At least you are to me, now. 

Goodnight Rain."

He reached out, shutting the door in her face.

Rain stood there for a while, just crying and staring at the wood. Eventually she turned around, heading to her own room and collapsing on the bed.

How could Thaddeous be so blind? Out of everyone in this family he could be angry at for getting attention, why would it be her?

She was nothing like her siblings. She would never be enough.

Everyone had made that perfectly clear.

--------------

"Attendance is mandatory. You aren't getting out of this. Any of you."

Xavier cast a pointed look at Thaddeous, who slumped against the back of the seat he was in. Storm's voice piped up, and it was full of feigned casualty.

"Aren't we a little old for the Hunter-Simon get togethers? Why can't we just be a normal family and go to grandma's and just have our family there?"

Eden shrugged one shoulder, toying with the necklace she was wearing.

"We've done this ever since I was a kid. I've never heard you complain before, Storm."

Storm hesitated before responding, looking at her dad momentarily. 

"Yes, but, maybe I have a conflict of interest this time."

Xavier raised an eyebrow.

"What kind of conflict of interest? Is this the same conflict that made you leave early the last two years?"

Storm fidgeted with the spoon she had used to put jelly on her toast

and rolled her eyes.

"It could be. 

Just tell me I don't have to go."

Xavier and Eden exchanged a glance and Eden shook her head.

"It's Thanksgiving. You're all going."

Thaddeous and Storm groaned in unison and Rain took a bite of the bagel on her plate.

Since when was this an issue for either of them? They'd been doing this ever since Rain could remember. The Hunter's were best friends with her family. And Thaddeous especially had never complained before.

It was like she never quite knew what was going on anymore.

"And you're not leaving early.

Not this time.

You're going to pretend to have fun and be happy until it's over. Understand?"

Storm scowled at her dad, pushing away from the table.

"....Fine."

She took her bowl to the sink and grabbed her bag off the floor, looking at Rain.

"Let's go if I'm giving you a ride."

Rain glanced up at her sister and then at her brother. He still wouldn't even talk to her, even though they had fought over three weeks ago.

"You have no complaints, Rain?"

Xavier asked the question hesitantly, and Rain shook her head in response.

"I don't mind."

Xavier looked relieved, nodding at her.

"Have a good day at school, and at practice. I love you."

Rain pushed away from the table like her sister had, looking at him for a second. Weighing his words.

"I love you too, dad."

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I can't see
The whites are missing from my eyes
I can't breathe
I'm doing everything to bring this body back to life