1-17: The War Is Over

All I have to say is you don't deserve me, you don't deserve me
I'm finally walking away, 'cause you'll only hurt me
And you're not worthy

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"Wait he did what?"

Kiara dropped the candle she had been lighting on the floor, staring at Eden in surprise. She quickly bent to pick it up, catching flame to the wick and setting it on her end table.

"Since when did you and Xavier Nile get anywhere near to something like that? I thought you hated his guts?"

Eden nodded, dropping onto her back on Kiara's bed.

"I do. I mean... Well, I thought I did? Turns out, it doesn't matter to me, apparently. And he's a really good kisser. You'd be surprised."

She squeezed her eyes shut and pulled Kiara's pillow over her face, whining into it. Kiara took the pillow away and looked down into her face, raising an eyebrow.

"Do you have a crush..."

Eden sat up so quickly, she almost collided with Kiara's head.

"What. No. I'm Eden. I don't crush."

She gave her a knowing look, dropping the pillow back onto the bed.

"Uh huh..."

Eden grabbed the pillow and threw it at her, scowling. 

"Do not, Hunter."

Kiara laughed, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. It didn't often lately, when Eden actually saw her. And she knew why. Atticus... It wasn't easy for her to cope with, at all. Not that she would ever, in a million years, let that show.

"So is that why you've been avoiding me? Because you're busy banging Xavier?"

Eden's smile quickly disappeared. She had forgotten that that had even been going on. She had wandered into Kiara's room this morning, not thinking anything of it. Because she had been a mess of a different kind. Her mind going in a million directions, but not because of what had happened with Alec.

For one night, she had managed to escape the nightmares and the flashes in the corner of her eyes. Hadn't even really thought about it. Until right now.

Eden shook her head, squeezing Kiara's comforter in her hand.

"No. Not exactly."

All Kiara had to do was look at her, her eyes softening, like they knew. And that's when the entire story spilled out. Piece by piece into a jagged puzzle that left Eden's chest catching on every breath when it was finished. 

Kiara listened, expressionless, until the very end.

"So, you want me to kill him right? Because that's what I want to do. Light his ass on fire and watch him turn into ashes."

Eden's eyes widened, she could hear every syllable that left Kiara's mouth echo with truth. She knew she seriously would, seriously wanted to.

Because her best friend was obsessively overprotective. 

And insane. You can't forget insane.

"No! I don't want you in prison. I'm alive, I'm breathing... Just... Let it go, okay."

Kiara stared at her, but didn't say anything. 

"Don't do anything stupid, Kiara. Okay?"

Kiara broke her stare, her eyes burning. She scoffed and kicked the pillow on the floor next to her aside.

"Fine. But if you ever ask me to, I'll do it. He deserves it."

"A lot of people do a lot of bad things, but I don't think anyone has the right to make a call like that."

Eden's voice was far away, her eyes blurry.

"I gotta go do something. I'll talk to you later, Ki. I love you."

Eden hadn't said those words even once since she had given them to Nico. Didn't even want to think them. The moment they left her mouth in Kiara's direction, she stood, heading for her door. Kiara said something in return, but she didn't hear it.

She had something she needed to take care of. Once and for all.

-----------

When she found Max, he was in the Starbucks on Campus, typing on his laptop. It took Eden saying his name three times before he even acknowledged her presence. Once he'd taken in her appearance, his face contorted, a quiet anger settling in his eyes.

"Where the hell have you been for the last month?"

A month... Had it actually been that long? It didn't feel like it had. But since the semester was almost over, it was possible that it could be. She didn't even realize it was the middle of November already. That Christmas was close, Kiara's birthday was... Time had slipped away from her in the midst of everything.

"Not around you. Which is why I'm here."

She pulled the chair out from the table and dropped into it. 

"Not that we're together, but I'm basically breaking up with you. Like. I'm not having sex with you anymore."

Max looked taken aback, but only for a moment. He shut the top of his laptop and leaned back in his chair, the corner of his mouth curling up.

"Is that so? What happened? You fell in love with Alec or something?

You know... I'm just gonna tell him anyway."

Eden's heart skipped for just a second at the name, but she composed herself without Max even noticing.

"It's too late for that, I already did. I also didn't do it, for the record."

He narrowed his eyes, for the first time in Eden's life, Max started to look uncomfortable.

"I don't need to know why you asked me to do it, and all you need to know is that I didn't. That I'm done doing the things you tell me to do.

You think that you have control over me, but you don't. At least not anymore. The only person who controls me, is me."

As she said the words, she realized for the first time in her life, she felt like they were true. Max opened his mouth to say something, but she held up a hand, cutting him off.

"I don't need you. I don't need your sideways compliments and your desperation for dominance. I don't need you to think that there has ever been a moment in my life where I did.

You have this thing in your head where you feel like, by using people, you're more of a man. But you aren't. You're a coward. The little boy inside who was always abandoned by his parents is still there, Max. The drugs and the games and... me... None of it made that go away.

I used to feel sorry for you. I think that's why I always did whatever you wanted, no matter how absurd it was. But that's done.

Alec was my final straw. We're through."

She was breathless after her speech, her chest tight. But she didn't break. She didn't shed a single tear, her voice didn't crack even once. And as each word left her lips, she knew she meant them. She hadn't even realized this was how she felt, but when she started talking, she couldn't stop.

Which is what seemed to keep happening to her. Again and again. Like that single break in her wall crumbled every fortress she had. Now she was rebuilding them, but in a contrasting way. Building defenses in a way that actually made sense.

She was a different person now. Or steadily becoming one. 

Stronger, more mature, together.

Piece by piece.

When he had confirmed she was through speaking, Max got to his feet. His face went through so many emotions, for a second Eden wasn't sure what he was going to do. 

"Okay, Eden."

That's all he said. Not a single syllable more. She raised an eyebrow, but before she could ask any questions, he turned, heading for the exit. He let the door shut quietly behind him and disappeared down the street.

That can't be it...

It didn't feel like it, anyway. 

But right now, it didn't matter. That was huge. That was a change. That was growing.

And more than anything, it felt real. She did. 

------------

"Rumor has it, Max left Saint Claire."

Eden stepped down off of the treadmill, taking a drink out of her water bottle. Kiara was just laying on the floor, eating chips and tossing her cell phone up in the air and catching it. She thought working out 'was a waste of time for someone who is perfect and immortal'. So every time Eden ran, Kiara watched her. And every now and then commented on her boobs or stomach or butt and how she didn't even need to work out cause she was 'perfect too, just not immortal'.

"Oh? Rumor has it, I don't care."

She grinned and unplugged the machine from the wall, kicking her tennis shoes off. Kiara sat up, setting her cell phone aside. 

"Just thought it was pretty cool that whatever you said pissed him off so bad, he fucking dropped out of our college."

Eden collapsed into the chair next to Kiara, shrugging. Her head was still spinny from the endorphin rush, and she felt amazing.

"Good. That just means I don't have to see his stupid face in the halls.

Kiara feigned a pout, sticking her lip out, her lip ring glinting in the fluorescent.

"But I didn't get to light him on fire."

Eden let out a laugh, shaking her head at her best friend.

"You and fire, I swear to God."

Kiara nodded vehemently. 

"Yes. I love fire. So you gotta let me at least once. Can I at least light Xavier on fire if he hurts you?"

Eden choked on her water at the mention of Xavier's name. She had almost forgotten that had happened. Well... When she wasn't thinking about it all the time. She hadn't even seen him since he kissed her, part of her thought he was probably avoiding her.

"Honestly. I don't think he would. But you say that like I'm planning on giving him a chance."

Kiara brightened, getting to her feet. She grabbed Eden and pulled her to a standing position.

"That's because you are. You're gonna go take a shower and go see him right now, actually."

Eden's eyes widened, and she tried to sit back down, but Kiara pulled her right back to her feet.

"Uh no, no I am not."

Kiara nodded, still smiling.

"Yes, yes you are. You get this look in your eyes when you talk about him, and I've never seen it before. So either you have a crush or you're going more insane than you were. So, I have concluded that either you go talk to him or I drive you to the hospital."

Eden stared at her.

"You wouldn't."

Kiara pushed her towards the door.

"You so know that I would."

Eden groaned, heading for the shower. 

She had no idea how to get out of this. This was a bad idea. There was no look in her eye. She didn't want to be around Xavier. It couldn't be anything but horrible for him. Look at her track record with guys. Nobody got out even remotely emotionally alive.

Xav did not need to be next on her list.

She turned around at the door and threw Kiara the dirtiest look she could.

"I hate you."

Kiara beamed.

"Love you too, bitch."

-----------

Eden stood outside of Xavier's apartment, cussing under her breath. If Kiara hadn't actually walked her over here and to his door, she would have stayed in her bedroom all night pretending she had gone. She kept wondering when her best friend had gotten so bossy. Or maybe she had been all along, and Eden hadn't paid enough attention.

It was sort of too late to back out now. And she felt like Kiara was probably knelt down somewhere in the hallways waiting for her to appear.

I have a psycho for a best friend.

A guy passed by, looking Eden up and down, a weird expression on his face. She crossed her arms over her chest. She wanted to tell him that she was forced here, that she just wanted to be back in her bedroom listening to rap music and pretending she was still an emotionless skank.

"Hi?"

Eden turned around at the sound, startled. Xavier walked down the hallway, stopping next to his door. He raised his eyebrow at Eden, pulling the zipper down on his jacket.

"What is with you and standing outside my door?"

She rolled her eyes as he slid his key in the lock, the noise of the bolt sliding out of place almost echoing in her head. 

"I'm here against my will."

He pushed his door open and looked at her.

"You're what?"

She shifted her weight and pushed past him, walking inside without being told to. 

"Nothing. Hi. Nice place."

He laughed, pushing the door shut with his heel.

"Yeah, thanks. glad you like it. Always wanted you to just walk into my house after all. Your appraisal of it was next on my list of things I've always dreamed of."

Eden stopped examining his living room to stare at him.

"Oh, stalker boy actually has the ability to sarcasm. I'm impressed."

He hadn't even asked why she was there, like it was natural for her to be. Like it didn't bother him or irk him at all. What was his deal, anyway?

"Don't you want to know why I came over?"

Xavier walked over to his fridge, pulling it open and extracting a soda. He shrugged a shoulder and leaned against the bar in the kitchen, opening it.

"Nope."

Her forehead crinkled and she let out a breath. Maybe if he wasn't so confusing, she would actually want to hang out with him more.

"Why not? Do you usually have girls waiting outside your apartment in the middle of the afternoon?"

He chuckled, shaking his head.

"Nope."

She kept staring at him, trying to think of something to say. What was she supposed to say? Why did you kiss me? Do you like me or something? Was it just in the moment? Do you expect me to like you back? Why do you stare at me all the time?

Okay, so the list was extensive.

"You're so strange."

That works.

The sound of Eden's phone ringing brought both of their attention off of each other. She fumbled for it, dropping it on the floor before finally managing to look at the screen and see who the hell it was. Lyric's picture lit up the glass and Eden held a finger up to Xavier, bringing her phone to her ear.

"Hello?"

Lyric's voice crackled on the other end, and it sounded like she was crying. 

"Eden... We need to talk. Are you coming home for Christmas?"

Well, she hadn't planned on it... Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and she was going to stay in Saint Claire with everyone else. But she was definitely going home now.

"I will. Are you okay? What's going on, L?"

Lyric didn't respond, just continued to cry. Eden didn't know what it was, but her stomach dropped.

"I have no one to talk to. Cassius is busy with his friends, and mom is drunk all the time. Dad is never here, and you're across the state. I need you."

Eden bit down on her lip. How could things get so bad with her baby sister and she never even knew? 

"I'll get a plane tonight, okay. I'll be there soon."

Lyric said goodbye, her voice so quiet, Eden barely heard her. She forgot why she was here, what her objective had been in any way. Her mind spinning with what could possibly be wrong with Lyric.

"That was my little sister. Something's wrong, I have to go."

She made her way to his door, opening it before he said another word.

"Can I go with you?"

She hesitated, leaning back in the door to look at him. It only took her a few seconds to respond. She nodded, holding the door back open so he could come into the hallway with her. She couldn't find any reason to actually say no.

She was making this a habit. 

Dammit.
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This is not my surrender
I'm not running for cover
I'm right here, I know you see me
But your words no longer defeat me