1-16: Illuminated

Time waits for no one
So do you want to waste some time?
Oh, oh tonight

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"Do you have a secret obsession with water or something?"

Eden couldn't deny that the place had a certain charm to it, it was gorgeous. The fountains, the flowers. But for Xavier? It just seemed a little unnatural.

"I do, actually. I like the water and I love the rain."

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

"You're so strange. And that's really weird to hear. You saying that you love anything at all. You've always come across as very withheld to me."

She shouldn't have even agreed to go anywhere with him. She was so drunk, she didn't think anything of what she said. She had no filter, and she should have just gone home and to bed. Kept avoiding Xavier. Avoiding everyone. Her heart beat quickened and she saw a flash of something in the corner of her eye. Again. 

What if she said too much? What if-

"You're doing it again."

He cut through her internal monologue with his comment and she opened her eyes and looked up at him. She hadn't even noticed that she was counting. That her eyes had fallen closed. He clearly did pay attention, or maybe it could be cause she was standing right next to him that he noticed at all.

She took her mask off and tossed it on the ground, letting out a long sigh.

"Why do you keep doing that? Can you tell me that?"

He walked over to one of the fountains, sitting on the edge of it. She didn't want to follow him, but she did it anyway. Part of her wanted to shove him into it, because he annoyed her so much. But it didn't seem like such a good idea since he was her ride, and she didn't even know where this place was. Let alone how to get back to her apartment.

She kicked off her shoes and put her feet in the water, staying silent.

"I'll take that as a no, then."

He watched her carefully, not even attempting to touch the water. 

"I don't know what you want me to say. I don't want to talk about it."

"So there is an it."

He didn't miss a beat. She rolled her eyes, cussing under her breath.

"I should have just stayed at the party and kept drinking. This is going to lead everywhere but somewhere."

The atmosphere grew so quiet, Eden almost swore she could hear his heartbeat mixing in with the sounds of the water falling all around them. She kicked her feet in the water like a child, trying to think of something to say to this guy she barely knew. One who seemed to know so much about her. Enough that he recognized changes in her idiosyncrasies. 

Thunder rolled across the sky and Eden lost her balance, almost falling into Xavier. Lightning followed in succession and she dreaded the moment when the rain started falling. Which didn't take long. It fell in sheets, and she still didn't move. 

"You are going to freeze in that if we keep sitting here."

She shrugged, just watching the rain fall into the fountains, the way the water moved in circles away from each drop. All of them colliding into each other, moving away, going back. An endless repetition. 

"You can tell me, Eden. I don't know what you're scared of."

He whispered the words softly, she barely even heard them over the noise. But for some reason... They began to resonate. Bouncing around in her head until it was like he had screamed them at her.

Eden tore her eyes away from the water, her face going completely empty. She didn't know why, but that comment broke her calm. Ruptured the piece of her that was trying to stay collected in his presence. Now she just felt angry. Furious, even. There wasn't a reason. There was no method to the madness that escalated in her mind.

Whatever he said, somehow, it had just went straight through her. Pulled at that little string inside of her that told her she needed to get away.

The second loudest voice she contained in her head.

 She pulled her legs out of the water, getting to her feet. She didn't know where she was going to go, but it was somewhere that wasn't here.

"What are you doing? What did I say?"

"I'm leaving."

She snapped, trying to decide the best way to do that in a torrential downpour when she had no idea where she was.

"The hell you are. You could get hurt."

She scoffed, her voice raising, trying to be heard over the sound of the rain.

"It's a little too late for that, but thanks."

Xavier got to his feet, standing in front of her. Between the exit and Eden. Pictures flashed through her head. In order. Alec blocking the exit, the flash of the gun, red numbers on an alarm clock, a broken iPod screen.

She turned quickly, looking behind her, looking for a different escape. A different way out of this. She couldn't be trapped. Not right now, not ever again. She choked on her breaths, panic trying to leak into her chest. The anger had quickly melted into anxiety and now she had no where to put it. No where to go to to escape it.

Locked between being able to run away and this fucking guy.

The only way out was through the massive fountain in front of her, so she stepped into it. The water reached all the way to her knees, but she began to cross it anyway. Her mind spun, and she had no idea what to do. Why she was feeling the way she was. Why Alec was here again.

But he isn't.

The rational voice in the back of her head tried to calm her, but she barely heard it.

"Eden, wait."

Xavier splashed his way into the fountain, catching her by the arm, turning her so he could see her face. Her eyes were glossy. From alcohol, from tears that were trying to appear, from memories.

"I told you not to touch me!"

She didn't mean to shout, didn't intend to at all. Xavier didn't release his grip though. Instead, he placed his other hand on her arm too. Holding her steady. The rain fell into her eyes, down her face. She was completely soaked, and so was he. And still, he was holding her in place, in a fountain, in the middle of a storm.

"Why? Why can't I touch you? What's wrong with you? What happened Eden?"

Her mind was all over the place, hysterical.

"I made a mistake! I made a mistake like I always do. That's all I do, Xavier! You say you pay attention to me, but you clearly don't. Or you'd know you're wasting your time. Being nice to me, caring about me. I'm just going to let you down somehow. It's what I do."

Xavier stared down at her, shocked. Eden saying this stuff about herself? Eden realizing anything like this about herself? It was like an alternate universe.

"Eden... Calm down. None of that is true, you know it-"

She groaned, finally getting her arms out of his grip. She tried to push him to the side, but he didn't move.

"Save your cliche crap for someone who believes it. I know who I am, Alec helped me realize that."

She hadn't said his name since that night, had tried everything in her power to not even think it. Her stomach twisted, and she felt sick, rubbing her hands over her face.

"Alec... Wait a second."

He ran a hand through his hair, trying to push it out of his face, but the rain made it fall right back where it had been.

"Eden... Did he do something to you?"

She tried to get past him, but he stopped her, putting a hand on her chest, using his finger on her chin to make her look up at him. She tried to keep her eyes on the rain, on the road, on anything but his eyes. Because they were the deepest set of eyes she'd ever encountered. And they saw everything.

"I thought he was going to kill me. But that's not what happened. This is worse. Whatever I feel right now is worse. I'd rather he have pulled the trigger."

Xavier's eyes were almost black in the darkness, but she caught the flash in them. The anger. Just like the night with Kyle.

"Trigger?"

He moved his hand from her chin and she finally broke eye contact, staring at the water. 

"Yes trigger. As in gun. As in he was going to shoot me, but I talked him out of it. 

I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't have."

It was like the vulnerability, the break she felt that night, never went away. Stayed in the forefront of her mind like a continuous virus. Poisoning her, making her feel like a human. Like a devastated child. She felt pathetic, humiliated. Just by the words that were falling out of her mouth.

Another clap of thunder tore its way through the sky and the lightning that followed illuminated Xavier's face. What she saw there, she was dead certain she had never seen before.

He put a hand on her shoulder and stepped closer to her, moving his fingers up the side of her face, across her cheek. He traced the scar there, not saying a word. She stilled, completely distracted by the action. 

What the hell was he doing? 

What was this?

He moved his hand from her face to her waist, and it was different from any other time he'd ever touched her. Distinctive from any other time he'd ever been near her. The tension in the air before he did anything else was almost visible.

And then he leaned down, disintegrating the space between them, touching his lips to hers. The softness behind it, the sincerity there, rushed through her. She wasn't even sure that this was real. That she was actually allowing someone like him to kiss someone like her. That she was actually kissing him back.

Someone who had a heart like his was no match for the girl made of stone.

And she let it happen anyway.

Another flash of light broke the darkness and it irradiated everything. The rain, the fountain, the two of them, and a new piece of reality that she wasn't quite sure she was ready to come to terms with. 

Someone making her feel safe, other than herself.

 At least, for a moment.