2-20: Forest Fires

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"Twelve weeks doesn't really feel any different than six did, Nash."

Rain tried to force some happiness into her voice, but it wasn't easy. She wasn't ready to have a baby, and Thorne hadn't changed. That stunt in the hospital had a reason, of that she was sure. But it wasn't because he actually cared about her, not from the way he was still talking to her.

But at least he wasn't hurting her. That had come to an abrupt stop.

Maybe he had something against hurting children. At least he drew the line somewhere.

Nash was the only one who knew about the baby. She had sworn her to secrecy. She wasn't ready to tell her family yet. She had left California after two weeks, and when she did the wounds were still raw. For everyone.

She had just started to feel slightly healed recently.

Thaddeous' death weighed heavily on her mind, almost consistently.

Unless Thorne was weighing on her mind instead.

Why do I suck at making things work out? This baby probably won't work out either. It'll probably hate me, just like he does.

She listened to Nash chatter away on the other end of the phone, wishing she could join in on the mindless banter. But she couldn't. She had too much going on.

She was still in too much pain. Or too apathetic. 

It was one or the other now.

She barely noticed when Nash said goodbye, giving one of her own in response and hanging the phone up. She sat on her bed for a moment, letting out a sigh.

She didn't know where Thorne was, and she wanted to call Ryan. But she wasn't sure she could risk it. It just seemed like his voice was one of the only things getting her through the days.

And sneaking around to call him was probably messed up. But she did it anyway.

She made her way up the stairs, heading for the bathroom. She would take a shower and then call Ryan afterward. Somewhere downstairs in the library, where Thorne didn't go often.

She stiffened instantly when Thorne's voice sounded from next to her at the top of the stairs. She hadn't been paying enough attention to even notice he was up there.

"Going somewhere?"

Rain backed up against the bathroom door, nodding once.

"Just to the shower. I didn't know you were home."

Thorne swirled the amber liquid in his glass and sat it on the railing of the staircase, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Why wouldn't I be? It's Sunday. I don't work on Sundays."

He approached her, and everything in her wanted to go in the bathroom and shut the door in his face. She didn't want him to touch her. But instead, she froze in place, her pulse racing.

He leaned down to kiss her, but she turned her face at the last second almost out of instinct. His lips landed on her cheek, and he halted close to her face as he pulled away. She could smell the cognac on his breath and it made her stomach turn.

"What was that?"

Rain looked up at him, her eyes widening at the tone of his voice.

"Nothing. I'm sorry. I just don't like it when you drink, Thorne. You know that."

Thorne's vice grip was on her arm and there hadn't been bruises there in a while... but there would be now. She winced from the pressure, pressing her back into the door behind her.

"I'm pregnant. Don't do this."

His laugh was cold, cruel. His words matched it perfectly.

"I'm not doing anything. I love you, and I love that baby. With all my heart."

Rain knew he had to be drunk now. He never said anything like that unless he was. It was almost as if he had to be drunk to even try to love her. Not to mention, his words were slurring.

She looked up at him, tilting her head. She stared at him for a long time without saying anything, the alcohol from his breath sweeping across her skin as he smiled that cruel smile he saved just for her. 

She did love him. With everything she could give, she did. But it was fading. Every time she looked at him, it faded a little more.

He leaned his face down closer to her and she put her hand on his chest. His pulse was calm. Maybe from alcohol, maybe because he was already almost dead inside. She felt a single tear slip down her cheek as she spoke, the feelings in her chest splintering. 

"What heart, Thorne?"

He released her arm and stood up straight, his face stoic. He swatted her hand away from his chest and she put distance between them. As much as she could. He ran a hand through his hair, and she tried to process his reaction. How casually he was acting in response to her words.

 And then he hit her. So hard that her vision blurred and she took a step to the side.

"Just because you're pregnant, you think that I won't discipline you? That you don't have to listen to me?"

Rain covered the place on her cheek where he had slapped her, trying everything she had not to give him any more emotion. To be the mechanical way he always seemed to be.

"Discipline me? Thorne, I'm not a child! You're supposed to love me."

He shook his head, pulling her closer to him by her forearm.

"I do love you. Do you think I would have brought you here, given you all of this, if I didn't?"

She tried to break his contact with her skin, but he was too strong. He always had been.

"You have a really terrible way of showing it. You don't do what you do to me to someone that you love."

She took a step away, but his grip still didn't leave. He shook his head at her, his final statement clipped, emotionless. Not even ice seemed to touch it.

"If that's what you think, that's what I'll show you."

Rain had always been balanced. Ballet required it. But the one moment she truly needed it, she didn't have it. All it took was a soft push, and she tipped over the edge of the stairs.

Her entire body seemed to hurt all at once. She couldn't think through it, couldn't breathe.

She blacked out before she even made it to the bottom.

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Rain felt cool fingers on her face, and God, did it hurt. Her entire head did. The last thing she remembered was talking to Nash on the phone. She opened one eye, the other one popping open in surprise at the sight of Rae's face.

She tried to sit up, but she couldn't. The pain in her head was too severe.

"Oh, thank God. You need to stay awake now, Rain. The concussion you got from the fall was really bad. You fractured your skull.

I thought you were a ballerina. Aren't they supposed to not be clumsy?"

That wasn't the first time she'd heard that joke, but this time it wasn't funny. She closed her eyes for a second, trying to remember what happened. But it was all a blur. She knew she probably didn't fall though. Thorne had to be to blame.

But how?

A memory flashed through her head, brief. Thorne's cold hands on her arms, muffled words.

She cleared her throat, looking around the room. It was empty except for Rae. When did she get to London anyway?

"Did they say what happened?"

Rae nodded, once.

"Your driver called the ambulance. Apparently you fell down the stairs."

She got to her feet, heading for the door.

"I'm going to go let the nurse and your husband know that you're awake now."

"No!"

Rae closed the door as quickly as she'd opened it, her eyes startled when she looked at Rain. 

Rain tried to calm the panic in her chest, her breathing rapid.

"Is something wrong, Rain? The nurse needs to know, and I'm sure that Thorne will be relieved."

Rain's face crumpled and tears slipped down her cheeks. She hurt everywhere.

"I don't want him in here until he has to be. I didn't fall down the stairs on my own, I know I didn't."

Rain had spoken without thinking, and Rae walked over to Rain, hesitation clear in her movements.

"What? Rain... what are you saying?"

Rain took a breath, shifting her eyes to the blankets covering her body.

"Nothing. It's nothing."

Rae raised an eyebrow, sitting on the bed next to her, reaching out the way she had that had woken Rain up in the first place.

"Tell me, Rain. Why did your voice do that when I mentioned Hawthorne? Why do you seem so scared?"

Rain couldn't get the words out. Couldn't tell her. She could never tell anyone. 

Somehow, she still couldn't tell on the man she loved.

"Rain... Did he push you?"

Rain was silent for a few minutes, tears falling quietly and joining her hands on the blankets. Maybe it was the pain killers in her system... or maybe it was the fact that she'd known and trusted Rae all of her life. 

But something made her finally admit the truth to someone.

She nodded, once. Even that was enough to send pain rocketing through her skull. Rae got to her feet again, her voice rushed.

"I'm going to tell the doctor, I have to. He can't be around you. He can't."

Rain grabbed her arm, her voice weak, broken.

"No! Rae, you can't tell anyone. I don't want to hurt Thorne."

Rae's eyes widened, and she didn't move. 

"Rain... he pushed you down a staircase."

The door opened and halted the conversation, a young female doctor entering the room. She glanced between the two of them, her face forlorn.

"I have some news for Mrs. Campbell. Are you family?"

Rain and Rae exchanged a look and Rain said yes before Rae could even respond. The doctor looked down at her chart, walking over to the bed next to the two of them. Rain realized, finally, that she was still holding Rae's arm. She let it go and stared up at the doctor.

"What kind of news?"

The doctor barely looked at her, her eyes mostly on her charts.

"You sustained some pretty serious injuries, and we would like to keep you for a few days. Monitor your concussion, and your condition."

She looked up at Rain, in the eyes, finally.

"However, It seems that in the fall, you lost the baby."

She reached out, her hand squeezing Rain's lightly.

"I'm extremely sorry for your loss, Mrs. Campbell. 

But as far as you were in your pregnancy, we may need to schedule a D&C." 

Nausea tore through Rain's system in seconds. 

Rae leaned down and whispered something in the doctor's ear and she nodded at Rain, heading for the door again.

"Rain... You were pregnant? I had no idea."

Rain's tears were silent, disbelieving. 

"No one did. No one but Thorne and Nash."

Rae pressed her lips to Rain's forehead, wiping the tears off of her cheeks with her fingertips.

"You can't go back to him, Rain. Not after this. Promise me you won't go back to him."

Rain's chest was hollow, drained. She couldn't respond. Even if she wanted to.

Why was it that one bad thing kept happening to her after another? Thorne being abusive was bad, but this was worse.

This was her child.

And now it was gone.

Just like Thaddeous. 

Just like everything she had loved before she knew Hawthorne Campbell.

"I think I hate him."

She whispered the words monotone, barely registered Rae's responses. The way she stroked her hair and rubbed her back.

She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to say.

She had no idea where to go from here.

She had to do something, anything.

She couldn't do this anymore.

Could she?

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The stranger, his sorrow 
Must be fault of my own And whilst I watch in silence You're starting forest fires You start them just to feel the heat And whilst I keep my quiet You're running with the tigers You're running just to run from me I don't blame you And I don't blame you I don't blame you Who would wanna be around me?