2-2: White Noise

It's hard to be what you need through a static screen.
Been trying to speak for weeks and weeks.
Open my mouth,
All that comes out is white noise and incomprehensible sounds,
And all you ever do is turn me down.

-------------

The first thing Rain heard when she exited the front doors of the school building, was shouting. And one of the voices she knew as well as she knew her own.

Goodness, Nash. What have you gotten into now?

Nash was squared off with Kelsey in front of the parking lot, and a pretty substantial crowd had gathered to watch whatever was going down. Dread instantly sank into Rain's stomach as she politely made her way to the front of the group.

"Nash. What are you doing?"

She hissed the words, barely loud enough to be heard over the chatter of everyone around her. Nash took one glance at Rain and scowled, directing her gaze back to Kelsey. It looked like she'd already hit her at least once, and Kelsey was definitely out for blood.

"Turns out the perfect princess over here, has been fucking my boyfriend."

Rain winced at Nash's choice of words, but she straightened up, her eyes on Kelsey's face. She didn't even seem like she was embarrassed that Nash had announced that in front of half of their graduating class, she just looked smug. Like having sex with someone else's boyfriend was something to be proud of.

Rain didn't even want to know what kind of condition Nash's now ex-boyfriend, Stephen, would be in. Probably much worse than just the black eye blossoming on Kelsey's face.

"What the hell is going on?"

Rain turned toward the voice, looking up above her head at least a foot, at the guy who had spoken. Ryan... What was he even doing at her school? He had to be at least 25 and way too old to be in this parking lot out of nowhere. She cleared her throat, directing her attention back at her best friend who had just thrown God knows what at Kelsey's head.

"Nash is mad at Kelsey and yelling at her. It happens at least once a week, this time it's just more serious."

Ryan raised an eyebrow, pressing closer to Rain so he could see better. It made her uncomfortable, but she couldn't exactly place why. It wasn't the type of uncomfortable that made her stomach turn with nausea... It was more like the type that made her cheeks grow hot. Like him being that close to her would allow him to see all of her insecurities written on her face.

She deliberately took a step to the side, the distance alleviating that uncomfortable pull. 

She thought she felt the pressure of his eyes on her. Like somehow he noticed. But she brushed it off, trying her best to pay attention to the ridiculous fight unfolding in front of her.

Nash punched Kelsey one more time, the sound echoing in the air, before Rain heard the vice principal's voice ringing out over the crowd.

"Abernathy! Jarred! My office, now!"

Rain shook her head, watching the two scowling girls shoving their way through the crowd toward the voice.

"Well, I was hoping there'd be more blood. But I guess that suffices.

You ready to go, Rain?"

She blinked in surprise, turning to face him.

"Excuse me?"

He shrugged his shoulder at his car that was parked lopsided at the curb, her cousin, Christian, already inside.

"I'm assuming since your ride just got more than likely expelled, that you might need a way home.

Or am I wrong? You can always walk..."

What was with this guy and insisting that she walk places? And how did he even know that Nash was supposed to take her home? She didn't think he was around that much, but maybe he was. If he hung around her parents, he'd know that they weren't Nash's biggest fans. They thought she was reckless and impulsive. Much like her mother had been when she was younger.

Or so Rain had heard, anyway.

"Okay."

She mumbled the assent quietly, following him and slipping into his back seat, not saying another word.

---------------

"Hey. Wait a second."

Rain stopped with her hand on the door handle for a moment, looking over the headrest at Ryan's face. They had dropped Christian off first, which had already kind of bothered her. She had ballet tonight, and the performance was in two days. The last thing that she wanted was to be late. She kind of already was, but it wasn't like Ryan could possibly know that. Could he?

"What... Why?"

He turned so he was angled towards her, a smile playing at the edges of his lips. 

"I just want to talk to you."

This guy is always smiling. Like he holds all the secrets in the world in the palm of his hand. And every single one of them is hilarious.

She sighed, placing both of her hands in her lap and raising an eyebrow at him.

He looked uneasy, but it was just for a second, the look quickly replaced by a new smile. One a little less sure than the one before.

"Okay, don't look at me like that. Your eyes are intimidating enough."

Rain tilted her head, surprise settling in her chest.

"My eyes are... what?"

He nodded, running a hand through his hair. The laugh he expelled from his lungs was infectious, but she couldn't quite echo it. She was too busy trying to figure out what he could have meant by whatever kind of statement that was. It was close to a compliment, right?

"Yeah. You have this flash thing that goes through your eyes. It looks like... Nah, never mind.

Don't get me wrong, they're beautiful. But that flash is intimidating."

Rain felt the blush hit her cheeks, and she couldn't imagine how red they were with how pale she was. Ryan laughed again, and she twisted her hands together, keeping her eyes fixated on the floor of the car.

"And now you're blushing. Does that mean I'm doing something right? Or really, really wrong?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't seem to find words. She knew she should probably say thank you, or something like that, but her mouth was dry. She wasn't even sure if she was embarrassed or flattered.

She just knew he was wrong. Nothing about her was beautiful. She had sharp features, her daddy's face almost in its entirety. She was okay, and she wasn't by any means ugly, but she definitely wasn't beautiful.

Storm was beautiful. Her mother was beautiful. Nash was.

Rain, was not.

"I'm talented, not attractive. I'm sorry that I look at you and it scares you, but I don't mean for it to."

Ryan shook his head slowly.

"I think you are misinterpreting my meaning of the word 'intimidating'.

But, you know. That's fine. Have fun at ballet. See you later, Rain."

He sat back against the seat and Rain finally opened her door, stepping out into the warm, California autumn air.

"Bye, Ryan..."

She shut the door and took a step back as he drove away, watching his car until it disappeared from view.

-----------------

When Rain woke up the next day, she was completely exhausted. Ballet had ran two hours late, the preparations for Saturday becoming more extensive as the day drew near. She was in her senior, and final year of high school, and it wasn't nearly as pressuring as her time with ballet. 

Her applications for early acceptance into her top schools were sent out, but she hadn't had the heart to tell her parents that the only one she was really hoping to get accepted into was in an entirely different country. The Royal School of Ballet was in London... And it had been her dream since she'd heard of it.


She wasn't even entirely convinced that her parents would support a non academic college. No matter how good she was at what she loved, with two siblings dead set on highly successful futures, would one last child following their dream really disappoint them?

It's not like I don't disappoint them already...

Rain brushed the thought off, studying her reflection in the mirror. She ran Ryan's words yesterday through her mind, tracing her fingers over the sharp bones and outlines of her face. She would be the only one that looked like her father. Both of her siblings were so much like Eden, it was insane. 

She'd always been convinced that it should have been Thaddeous that looked like Xavier, not her. She was one of the daughters... She should have looked like her mother. She knew the kind of reaction Eden used to get from men. The way guys looked at her, even now.

She didn't want that, exactly. Just some proof of being beautiful that her sister carried.

Because no matter how many times she looked in the mirror over the last 12 hours, she couldn't see what Ryan had seen.

She wasn't even sure that anyone had ever even called anything about her beautiful before.

"Ugh, thanks."

She whispered the words to herself, rolling out of the bed and heading to her closet. She didn't know how to handle the compliment or whatever it was... So she'd just ignore it. What else could she really do?

She didn't even know how such a simple statement could have her so curious about her own appearance. 

Maybe it was because she'd always been complimented on other things. Her talent, her balance, her ability to physically outdo others in ballet shoes.

But never her eyes.

She squeezed them shut at the thought, opening them after a few seconds and focusing her attention on the task in front of her:

Getting ready for the last day of school, of practice, before one of the most important nights of her entire ballet experience.

She didn't need beautiful eyes. She didn't need a pretty face. Not in the end. 

When everything was added up, all she needed was her heart, and her love for what she could accomplish.

Nothing else mattered.

------------

Storm came down the stairs so fast, Rain almost had to jump out of her way. Her face was lit up like a Christmas tree, and Rain couldn't imagine what could have her so happy at seven in the morning. She still didn't even feel half alive yet. She needed coffee and food before she could even try to manage a smile that wasn't that of a robot.

She followed Storm into the kitchen, where the rest of her family was already sitting at the table. Eden seemed to be the only one who looked as tired as Rain felt. Which wasn't entirely surprising, because she was less of a morning person than Rain was.

"Why do you look like someone gave you a million dollars?"

Thaddeous said the words incredulously, raising an eyebrow. 

Storm let out a laugh, dropping into the chair at the side of the table that Rain usually sat in. Rain stalled for a moment, taking the other seat reluctantly. She tried not to give her sister any type of disappointed look, but she couldn't quite help it.

"Well, I already have a million dollars probably... Dad's got plenty of money. Money's not ever gonna be a problem for me, or any of us."

Eden and Xavier exchanged a look across the table, and Xavier sighed audibly. He hated when any of them talked about the money, even though his children were standing to inherit more than they'd ever know what to do with. If it hadn't been for his wife, he would have never taken his dad's money at all. 

But when he had died of cancer the year before, Eden had convinced him that he deserved every penny that his dad left behind for all the hell he'd been put through.

Rain could still recall the fight play by play.

"Anyway..."

Xavier's voice cut through whatever Thaddeous' sarcastic response had been, his eyes on Storm's.

"Now that we have established you will be rich from money that you don't have to earn, can you let everyone know why you almost shoved your sister down the stairs?"

Rain's cheeks grew hot and she looked up at her dad, returning the small smile he shot her way. She didn't even know that he had noticed that.

"I got approved for an internship in Manhattan! With a fashion company. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I'm totally going."

She sounded so sure of her decision. Even as Xavier and Eden did the look thing across the table again. Rain could almost feel the protest hanging between them. Fashion? Instead of academics? That was unheard of in this house.

She wondered if their thoughts had automatically went to her. The daughter who sucked in school and who only focused on her interests. The one who would give up college in a heartbeat to follow her heart.

She inhaled a sharp breath, dropping her eyes to the table. She was waiting for the explosion. For the 'what about school?'. The same speech she got every time ballet came before school. 

But it never came.

"I guess we should make arrangements for an apartment then, yeah?"

The apple Rain had been holding dropped out of her grip and she snapped her eyes up, locking them on her dad's face again.

Seriously?

What was so special about her older sister? Why did she get away with this, but the moment Rain mentioned anything about deviating away from school for dancing, her world fell apart?

Rain could feel the tears sting the corners of her eyes as she pushed away from the table. She headed for the door, her chest heavy with disappointment.

"Rain? Are you okay? Where are you going?"

Her dad's voice was unsure, and when she turned to face him, his eyes matched his tone.

She had so much she wanted to say... So much she wanted to ask him. Ask both of them.

But instead, she whispered 'school' and turned back around, exiting as quietly as she could.

-------------

I'm watching.
I'm waiting.
I'm aching.
Suffocating.
I'm breathing.
I'm speaking.
Can you hear me?
I'm screaming for you