1-32: Four Letter Words

(I DON'T WANT THIS TO END, BUT IT HAS TO SO WE CAN MOVE ON TO THE NEXT GENERATION AND I KNOW THAT THIS IS GONNA BE A REALLY TERRIBLE WAY TO END GENERATION ONE, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW I LOVE ALL OF YOU AND I AM SO, SO, SO THANKFUL YOU'VE STAYED WITH ME THIS FAR ;-;

And a mini A/N, there is some sexual abuse stuff that could be triggering. So a warning in advance for that.

And without any more whining on my part, I have for you here the final chapter of Generation One.

Bittersweet ;-; )

When everything is wrong and nothing feels right
And everyone has left, no one said goodbye
The days seem so lonely and I've never been this scared
This four letter word is all I have left, it's all I have

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"It's going to be okay, Eden. She's going to be okay, you are. Everything will turn out okay.

Your job, right now, is to stay there with Rain and take care of her while I'm with Storm. I know you're anxious about this, but you can come up here tomorrow. Your focus for the time being needs to be on our youngest, alright?

You know I'll do everything Storm needs. It's one night."

Eden sighed into her phone, closing her eyes against the light of the room. She could hear the sincerity and comfort dripping from Xavier's words, but it did close to nothing for the worry trying to make itself extremely apparent in her chest. Rain was laying on her stomach on the floor, quietly cooing, and Eden wanted to get down on the floor with her. But she couldn't seem to bring herself to.

Her oldest daughter just had surgery on her heart. How do you go about a normal routine with that playing out in the back of your mind?

She had enough going on tonight, anyway. Her parents were out of town for something to do with Aria's newest book, and she was not only alone with Rain, Bliss was sleeping upstairs too. Babysitting and parenting all in one. On a night like this.

She really just wanted to sleep everything away.

"Okay, Xav. But I'm going to be there first thing in the morning."

She said the words with an air of resignation. She hadn't even wanted to leave the hospital after the surgery was over, but Xavier insisted that she take Rain home. Insisted that she calm down, and try to get her mind off of everything.

Xavier usually did get his way in these serious situations... because he was the logical one.

She whispered 'I love you' in response to his, tapping the end button and tossing her phone somewhere in the vicinity of their couch. 

Two days before, they had received the news that Xavier's parents had recently gotten through building a house. They wanted Xavier, Eden, Storm and Rain to have it... With strings attached of course, but for a much lower price than they were originally selling it for.

It wasn't as big as the Simon manor, but it was definitely an upgrade. Having an entire house of their own, compared to an entire floor in Eden's childhood place. It was just the packing that Eden didn't want to do.

Or, you know, any of the actual moving parts.

Eden sighed, slipping off of the couch and onto the floor next to her youngest child, adjusting the blanket she was laying on.

"We're all going to be okay, right?"

She took the pacifier out of Rain's mouth and picked her up, tucking her to her chest. She cradled her head in her hand, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.

What is it with me and talking to my children about my life problems when they can't understand me?

"We will be. We're going to be fine. You and your sister are going to grow up, and be perfect, and smart, and nothing like your mommy."

She got to her feet, rocking Rain in her arms for just a moment. Her eyes fluttered closed in seconds, the way they always seemed to. She didn't fuss, or cry, or protest. She had to be one of the easiest babies on the planet. Eden headed to the stairs, taking them slowly up to Rain's room. She nestled her in her crib and sighed, reveling in how easy and perfect Rain really was for an infant.

Eden had been blessed with her entire family.

In more ways than one.

And she wasn't sure how she had gotten so lucky, or how she deserved it, but she was going to make sure that it all worked out. That this family would be nothing like the dysfunctional one she grew up in. 

She'd make it work. She had to.
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At first, when the sound echoed through the house, Eden thought that she was imagining it. That it was part of her dream. There was no way that anyone could be pounding on her door. Not in the middle of the night. Not even when the police had shown up to inform her of the accident that took Lyric's life, did they make that much noise.

But the pounding didn't stop.

She opened one eye, glancing at the alarm clock that sat on the side of the bed where Xavier usually slept. It was 5:06 AM. Who the hell could it even be?

She rolled out of the bed, rubbing her eyes with her fists. They were still blurry. They stayed that way all the way down the stairs to the front door. If you wake up my daughter, I swear to God... But even through the blurriness, she could see the man standing on the other side. And it threw her back in time in an instant.

Something told her not to open the door, but she did anyway. Mostly for the fact that she really wanted to yell at Kyle Lebronski, and secondly for the fact that she knew he worked at the hospital where Storm was having her surgery.

What if he had bad news? News he came personally to tell her so Xavier didn't have to call?

In what universe would Xavier ask Kyle to tell you something instead of calling himself? Not to mention that Kyle isn't a fucking nurse... He's just a security guard.

And still, she opened the door. She'd never been very good at listening to her own internal warnings though, had she?

When the door swung open, the smell of alcohol hit her in the face so hard, she took a step back. He smelled like he had been bathing in it. She crossed her arms over her chest, her stance guarded.

"Why are you here?"

Her words were biting, cold. The house was silent, which was a good sign. Her perfect baby and little sister had slept straight through all of the ruckus. Which, all in all, wasn't that much of a surprise.

Kyle neglected to answer, brushing past Eden and into her house. She made a quick sweep of the driveway with her gaze. The only cars there were her own and Kyle's parked lopsided at the end of it. No one was home, and her phone was upstairs... On her bedside table.

Shit.

"Kyle, why the fuck are you at my house? You can't be here. Xavier will be home any minute and he's definitely not going to be okay with you stopping by in the middle of the night..."

She didn't want to shut the door, but she also didn't want to leave it standing wide open. What she wanted was her husband home. And to know exactly what Kyle's angle was. She shut the door quietly, but left the dead bolt open. 

It was like Kyle hadn't even heard her. He took a turn to the left, into the sitting room that her family hadn't really used in years. She and Lyric used to have tea parties in it when they were kids, and after she died... It was almost too hard for Eden to even look in that room. She followed after him, anger prickling at the edges of her chest.

"I'm seriously only going to ask you one more time why you're here, Kyle. And then I'm going to call the police.

So, for God's sake. Why are you here?"

When she crossed the threshold into the room, he caught her completely off guard. Her grabbed her by the top of her arms and shoved her so hard against the wall, pain rocketed down her spine.

"You're not calling anyone."

Eden's eyes widened for a moment, and she winced, curling her hands into fists at her sides.

"Okay, you need to let me go. Before I hit you so fucking hard, you forget your own name."

He looked down at her, his eyes icy. He shook his head slowly, a small smile curling the corners of his lips. He tightened his grip on her arms, closing the space between them to where Eden couldn't breathe without inhaling the scent of alcohol on his breath.

"You're not going to touch me. And that line about Xavier coming home? I know that's a lie. He's at the hospital with your bratty little girl. Which must mean that your baby is here with you, right? You don't want to make much noise. Not when you can't get to her to comfort her when she cries.

So I suggest you just be quiet. Because this could come out far worse if you don't."

Something cold dropped into the pit of Eden's stomach and her mouth went dry. She tried to find words, and for a moment, she couldn't. Suspended in the moment without any idea how to respond to what he had just said. Every syllable he just strung together sounded like a threat. And she couldn't understand why. 

She'd never done anything to him. She'd never fucked him over like the countless other people she'd used and dropped in the years before she was who she was now.

"I don't understand what you want, Kyle."

She said the words quietly, the anxiety collecting in her chest with each passing second. All she could think about was Alec. Every single time someone trapped her without a means of escape, visions of that night flashed through her mind. Ate at her defenses. Debilitated her.

And now wasn't exactly a moment she could let the panic take over. But it was starting to anyway.

"Why do you think I'm here, Eden? I'm here to take what you owe me. What you've owed me for a long time."

He dropped his hand to the bottom of the pajama shorts that she wore, sliding his fingers up the side of them, his touch resting on her hip.

She shifted in his grip, trying to get the feeling of his skin off of hers.

"What the fuck are you doing?! Kyle get the hell off of me!"

Kyle pulled her off of the wall a few inches and shoved her against it again, sending waves of pain from her shoulders to her hips.

"I told you to shut up. Why can't you listen to anything? Why do you always have something to say? With no regard for what it does to anyone else?"

Tears gathered in the corner of her eyes as she glared at him. His grip was so hard on her arms, she was pretty sure she would have bruises. But the way he was acting, right now, had her partially convinced he planned on leaving her in much worse condition than that.

Eden had never been helpless. She used to be strong and full of willpower and a brick fucking wall. But it was like Alec had taken so much of that away from her. He had made her paralyzed by the simplest things. She should be able to kick and scream and fight her way out of this. She'd had practice fighting with her brothers growing up.

She should not feel frozen. She should not feel weak and pathetic and helpless.

But she did anyway.

"I don't know what you want from me."

Her voice when she repeated the words was soft, and the tears slipped down her face. She knew he was in control of this situation, she knew he was stronger than her. 

She knew she wasn't that brick hearted, willful girl that she used to be.

"Just... Let me go. Kyle, I haven't done anything to you."

He looked taken aback by her tears. Like that was the last thing that he had expected from her. He knew the Eden back before everything. The one who used to play boys like a game of poker. The one who used Russian Roulette to make life decisions.

He didn't know the girl she was now, and it showed on his features.

"Are you actually crying?"

His tone was disgusted, and he brushed a finger over her cheek roughly, leaving a red mark behind.

"Since when does the town slut cry?"

Eden bit down on her lip and shook her head quickly.

"I'm fucking married now. I'm not a slut."

Kyle moved closer to her, dipping his head down to her level.

"A leopard doesn't change its spots."

He pinned her shoulder to the wall with one hand, pushing the other one under her shirt, his nails scraping against her skin.

"So tell me... How much is it gonna take to get you to sleep with me. Right now. Can't take much. It never used to. All a guy would have to fucking do is smile at you and he had you in his bed."

Eden struggled slightly, pushing against his chest. But it was like her force was a shadow of what it used to be. She was weak with her fear. Hampered by her memories. She barely even moved him.

"I'm not fucking going to do anything with you, Kyle."

He laughed, the noise a sharp knife in her stomach. He slid his hand from her stomach to her back, pulling her roughly against him, his lips at her throat.

"The hell you're not. No one's here to save you.

And no one's gonna be.

And when I'm done with you, you'll wonder why you ever looked at Xavier twice in the first place."

At those words, the fear in Eden's chest took a turn. The anxiety started slowly ebbing into anger. It bubbled up into her throat and her cheeks grew hot from the intensity of it. She balled her hands into fists again, his words mixing in with every other one that had ever cracked her into pieces before.

Made her feel guilty for things that were outside of her control.

"Well, if you had kept your legs closed in the first fucking place, this never would have happened."

Made her feel like she was less than a human being.


"Everyone knows that they wouldn't have to drug you to sleep with you. You're the easiest one in that school."



Made her think that she should hurt, that she should be punished for the mistakes she'd made.

"You do deserve this. You deserve worse than this. This is giving it to you easy."


Convinced her that she could never be enough.


"Keep fucking drinking. It's not like anything can ever save you anyway."


So many people had made her see herself as someone who didn't deserve to love.  Someone who belonged by herself. Someone who could never be who anyone needed her to be.

Made her believe that no one could ever love her. That it was impossible for her.

She'd long ago convinced herself that they were all right. That she was destined to be a self fulfilled prophecy.


"Someday, something bad is going to happen to you."


Well. Not this fucking time.

And the words she finally said, she knew with every fiber of her being were true. 

"I might have changed. A lot, but it was for the better.

And you're right. No one is here to save me.

But the only person who I've ever fucking needed to save me, is myself."

She put both of her hands flat against his chest and shoved as hard as she could. Every word that she'd ever been given, every doubt, catalyzing in the amount of force she used.

Pain seared through her stomach in that moment, and it was all a blur. She was aware that he fell away from her, but she wasn't sure where any of the blood came from. The last thing she heard was the shattering of glass, and then... everything went black.
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Eden could hear beeping, but she couldn't seem to decipher exactly what kind of beeping it was. It wasn't the sound of her normal alarm.

Ugh, what the fuck?

She also couldn't figure out why her stomach hurt so much... or why her head was pounding. She couldn't be hungover. She didn't drink when the kids were home and she had been responsible for Bliss and Rain.

"I think she's awake."

That... was Kiara's voice. And she sounded worried. Why?

Eden opened one eye, expecting to see Kiara sitting at the foot of her bed, in her house. But that's not what she saw. At the exact moment of realizing she was in a hospital bed, the smell of antiseptic seeped into her nose and she sat up. The movement was quick, and it caused more pain to rip through her midsection. 

She brought her hand to her stomach and when she pulled it away, red colored her fingers.

"What the fuck?"

Bringing voice to her thoughts didn't make anything clearer though. 

"Careful, sweetheart. You'll rip your stitches. Lay back down, okay."

Kiara walked over to her, nudging Eden's shoulder gently back against the pillow behind her.

"Why am I-"

And then she remembered.

Kyle.

"Holy shit. Is he why I'm here?"

Xavier's voice cut through Kiara's response as he came into the room, his face etched with worry. Worry and very apparent anger.

That was new.

"Yeah, the fucker stabbed you. Not deep, but deep enough. They said you fainted from shock."

What she didn't remember, was a knife of any kind...

"He what?"

She glanced down at the blood on her hand. She didn't remember anything but shoving him away from her. And... the pain. She did remember the pain.

"Well... where the fuck is he?"

Xavier and Kiara exchanged a glance before looking back at her. Kiara sat down on the bed next to her, brushing Eden's hair out of her face.

"Eden... He's dead."

Eden's eyes widened and she looked up at Xavier, who shrugged one shoulder. There wasn't an ounce of sympathy on his face.

"He fell on the glass table in the sitting room. A piece of it went through his chest. He bled out before Carter even got there."

It took Eden a second to register what he said, pushing her eyes up to the ceiling.

"I killed him?"

The words were flat, emotionless.

The lack of answer in the room told her all she needed to know.

Kiara cleared her throat after a few moments, her words directed at Xavier.

"Should I tell her? Or do you want to?"

Eden groaned, the action causing her head to pound and her stomach to hurt even worse than it already did. She looked at the two of them blankly, trying to imagine what it could possibly be.

"There's more?"

Xavier took a seat next to Kiara, a small smile on his lips.

"There is... But this is good news. At least to me."

Eden looked at him, and then at her best friend.

"....What is it?"

Kiara grinned before she responded, and it was like a disease with the way it spread across Xavier's face too.

"They gave you a blood test when you got here.

Looks like you're pregnant."

Well... Shit.

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