3-19: Another Sad Song

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Apollo took the back way off of the stage, rounding the corner and almost running straight into Variance. She quickly brushed her hair out of her face, and her cheeks turned red in seconds. Apollo glanced over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow.

"What's up? Why do you look so... guilty?"

Variance shrugged, slipping a piece of gum into her mouth and glancing over her shoulder the way Apollo had. No one was even there, as far as he could see. She shot him a smile, passing by him toward the stage.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, turning it back on as the roar of the crowd started to die down. People were leaving, but it was a slow dispersion. 

The minute his phone was finishing booting up, it vibrated softly, 'one new voicemail' appearing on the screen. He took a few more steps away from the stage, plugging his other ear as he lifted the phone to listen.

But nothing came through but the sound of a phone clicking into dead air. He glanced at the notification, and he didn't know what he had expected from Harpia.

But he knew it wasn't that she would call.

He tried to calm his shaking hands as he tapped her number, the line ringing three times before her voice brought a forgotten feeling slamming into his stomach.

"I miss you too."

Apollo pushed through the side door to the club, almost silence finally settling on his ears. Except for her soft breathing on the other line. He sat down on the ground, leaning his head back against the brick wall.

"You called me."

He paused, watching a bird land on the top of their tour bus. The moment it touched the metal, it took flight again. As if the surface of the bus wasn't what it expected.

"I thought you hated me."

He said the words quietly, and her response was equally quiet.

"I don't hate you... God, I could never hate you. You've been my best friend most of my life and I fucked it all up."

"You didn't fuck it up. You just left.

And I came to California to try and make it right, but you'd already moved on."

Silence grew, and Apollo listened to the sound of her breathing again, and something in his chest reacted to it without his permission.

Maybe he should have never called her back. She was going to get right back into his head an-

"I know I left.

I'm sorry things didn't work out.

But I still love you as my best friend and I don't want to lose you. I just got you back.

I hope you still want to be friends.

I hope we can make that work out.

You mean a lot to me, Polly."

He swallowed past the lump in his throat, forcing a smile onto his face even though she couldn't see it. His words were slow, measured.

"You mean a lot to me too, Sage. I'm sorry they didn't work out too... But yeah, I still want you in my life. That's never going to change.

You don't have to apologize, Harpia. It's okay. We're okay on my end."

Were they? He wasn't even sure if he was lying.

Her voice rose in pitch at his words, happiness leaking into the edges of it as she spoke again.

"I know you're on tour and stuff, but if you're nearby this weekend, I know a guy who has some keys to the Pearson's private airport near the end of town.

We're going to break in and host a drag race, if you're interested.

It would be nice to see you again.

And I kind of want to watch you lose to a girl."

He glanced at the door to the club, but none of the guys had appeared yet. He didn't know what they were doing, but he knew none of them were going to be chill with him just flying across the country to see Harpia O'Conner.

But...

"I'm in Oregon. But I can come in. For a night.

As long as you promise that you're not going to die in this race, I'll do it."

She laughed, and the sound of it caused that same reaction in his chest.

"I'll drive your ass into the ground, Hollywood."

He chuckled under his breath, looking back up at the door as Variance came through it. She took a seat next to him on the asphalt, mouthing 'who is that'.

He held his hand up.

"I can't wait to see this attempt.

It should be interesting.

What do I get if I win?"

"A super amazing prize."

Variance's head tilted, and he knew she'd heard Harpia's voice. The smile that made its way onto her face didn't seem to touch Apollo though. He still wasn't sure that this whole thing was even real.

And Harpia's response was almost... flirty. But he didn't want to look too much into it. She had a boyfriend. He would never cross a line like that anyway.

Would he?

"What day?"

"Saturday."

He thought about it for all of two seconds before responding.

"I'll be there in the morning."

She squealed on the other end before being interrupted by a guy's voice in the background. When her voice turned back to Apollo, she sounded annoyed.

"I can't wait to see you, Polly. But I have to go. Amos needs me."

Apollo ran his hand over his face, nodding.

"Alright. See you soon, Sage."

He hit end right after she spoke, looking over at Variance.

"Who's Amos?"

Apollo pushed himself to his feet, and when Variance stood she barely reached his rib cage because she was so small.

"Her boyfriend."

Blake came out of the door to the club, closely followed by Vega. Blake looked Apollo up and down before walking over to the bus and going inside. They still weren't on the best terms.

When Variance spoke again, she was quiet, talking so low only Apollo could hear her.

"I'll cover for you Saturday. Just be careful, okay?

Make sure you know what you're doing. I don't want to see you get hurt again."

Apollo looked down at her in surprise, but she just smiled, walking over to her own bus. Variance had her moments, but she did care. She cared deeply about Apollo, just as he cared about her. She just didn't care for his psychotic overprotective tendencies.

"Why're you staring at the crew bus?"

Apollo looked over at Hale as he finally walked out of the club, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. Apollo doubted he even noticed the blood there.

"I should be asking you that. You do it all the time."

Hale grinned, draining the rest of the bottle of beer in his hand and tossing it on the asphalt.

"Come on, Hunter. We're Wyoming bound."

Apollo followed him into the bus, scratching his head.

"What the fuck could possibly be in Wyoming?"

Vega piped up from his position on the couch, twirling one of his drum sticks in his hand.

"A super volcano that's going to explode any day and kill everyone!"

Apollo tried not to laugh, but failed, taking a seat next to him.

"You say that with so much happiness."

Vega tapped Apollo on the head with his drum stick, and his smile didn't falter as he answered.

"Everyone's gotta die someday. I figure that's a pretty badass way to go."

Apollo took Vega's drum stick when he tapped him again and tossed it across the bus, laughing.

"I think I'll stick with old age."

Vega ducked Apollo's attempt to take his other drum stick and dove for the one on the floor. His voice trailed behind him as he disappeared into the bathroom.

"No one gets to choose, dude, but your choice is boring."
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Apollo knocked softly on the door to bus bedroom Hale had taken over at the beginning of the tour, clearing his throat.

"Dude. Are you still sleeping? Doing cocaine? We have a show in an hour."

Apollo heard shuffling on the other side, and the door creaked open. He opened his mouth to speak, but instantly shut it when he noticed how empty Hale's eyes looked.

"Not really up for talking right now. I'll be out in time for the show."

Hale made to close the door, but Apollo put his hand on it, stopping it midway.

"Are you... okay?"

Hale pulled his hand under his nose, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm good, man. Just need to be alone right now."

Apollo removed his hand from the door, taking a step back. He glanced over Hale's shoulder at the mess on his bed, and the open container of alcohol on the makeshift table next to it.

"Can you play tonight? Do you... should we cancel?"

Hale leaned against the door, and the smell of vodka hit Apollo in the face like a freight train when he spoke.

"You're considering cancelling a show because you don't think I'm okay? What's gotten into you? Are you sick?"

"No."

Hale pulled the door all the way open, gesturing toward the inside of the room. Apollo crossed through and watched Hale as he grabbed the bottle, drinking quickly. Apollo was studying the state of the room, wondering how Hale survived in a mess that was easily worse than the one he kept, when Hale spoke again.

"Had a dream about Albany."

Apollo froze, staring at Hale as he screwed the cap back onto the bottle.

"I... I'm sorry."

He didn't know what else to say. He hadn't known how to handle the disappearance when it happened, he'd only been eleven. But he knew that Hale had changed drastically when it did. Who wouldn't change when their baby sister vanished? 

Apollo still hadn't moved and Hale didn't bother telling him to. He took the bottle of vodka with him and slid down the side of the bus to the floor.

"It's been eight and a half years. It's not any easier."

Apollo finally unfroze, walking over and sitting against the wall next to him. He didn't reach for the bottle, he just let Hale continue drinking.

"I'm not sure it's ever really gonna be."

His words were quiet his eyes fixed on the window at the back of the bus.

"Yeah."

Apollo watched the trees pass for a while, the sound of the liquid in the emptying bottle the only thing he really registered. Hale leaned forward and shuffled through a pile of clothes on the floor until he found what he was looking for. He placed the bottle in Apollo's lap, taking another drink of the one he was holding.

"Your pep talks fucking suck."

Apollo snorted and twisted the cap off of the full bottle of rum. 

"I know."

Hale dropped his gaze to the floor, an amused tone creeping into his words.

"You can write songs about any emotion on the planet. Fluently. But you can't talk about feelings worth shit."

Apollo took a drink, his eyes back on the trees passing by.  He didn't laugh this time.

"I know."

Both of them looked up when the door to the bedroom opened, Blake's head poking through the gap.

"We have a show in-"

He stopped speaking, looking back and forth between the two of them. Something registered in his eyes and he pushed the door all the way open and walked into the room.

"...What's going on?"

Apollo held the bottle out to Blake, glancing over at Hale. When he looked back at Blake, it was clear in Blake's expression that he understood. Without Apollo having to say a word. Maybe because only one thing in the world really put that emptiness in Hale's eyes. Only one thing ever had, even after cheating slut Nicole.

Apollo and Hale were closer, but Blake still knew Hale. Still grew up with them, and was there for everything too. 

"Show's cancelled."

Blake took the alcohol from Apollo and nodded at his words, sitting on the floor against the bed across from them. 

"Didn't really feel like playing guitar tonight anyway."

He took a drink of the rum and cleared his throat before returning it to Apollo. 

"So we just gonna sit here and drink tonight then? Cause I could get behind that."

"Who are we getting behind?"

Apollo glanced up at Vega, leaning haphazardly into the doorway. He pointed at the bottle in his hand and at the floor next to Blake.

"No show tonight. Alcohol."

Vega was inside the room in less than a second, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Alright!"

Vega started to go off on a tangent about his cat, talking openly like he didn't have the slightest idea that anything was wrong. And he probably didn't. Or if he did, he was calming the atmosphere the way he always did. He was the only one of them that took everything lightly. That handled all of the bad shit smoothly. 

Life, fame, music, girls. It was all just another thing to him. 

He was weird, but he was the only one of them that could control his anger. And he was definitely the only one of them that just went with whatever happened.

Vega didn't know the meaning of the word conflict.

"...Anyway, Paige said that Churro ate the guitar strings on one of your guitars and for me to tell you so that she didn't have to."

Blake stared at Vega for a long time, his mouth hanging open slightly. He took a deep breath, reaching out and taking the rum out of Apollo's hands.

"It's cool."

His voice said it was most definitely not cool, but Apollo had to admire the fact that he wasn't losing it. His guitars meant almost as much to him as Paige did. Apollo snorted as Blake passed the bottle to Vega.

"You're a terrible liar, Grilletto."

Hale had been quiet the entire time, just drinking and watching the three other guys interact. He finally spoke up, cutting through Blake's response, his voice gruff with things he didn't know how to say any more than Apollo did.

"Thanks guys."

Blake nodded in response, and Apollo turned the guitar pick he'd found on Hale's floor over in his fingers.

"Don't mention it."

Vega quieted for a second, glancing at Hale.

"You'll be alright, man. I love you."

Blake, Hale, and Apollo all moved their eyes onto Vega. Hale shook his head, laughing, and it was the first real one he'd had all night.

"I'm not going to say it back. You're going to have to assume that I do."

Vega grinned, taking a drink out of the bottle when it reached him again.

"You don't gotta say it. I know you love me. Who wouldn't?"

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Don't cry, we all make mistakes from time to time
Unfortunately for me
 being me, was mine