3-16: Mistakes

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"Is this really necessary?"

Apollo stood in front of the giant christmas tree Paige was decorating, loaded up with ornaments that she wanted to put on the tree he didn't want to pay for.

"It is. You need to just stand there and shut up and help me. 

You guys have your album wrapped up, it's been released for two months. You don't leave for tour for another week. 

You have nothing better to do."

She selected another ornament from his arms, turning back to the tree. Paige had a point. He didn't technically have anything better to do, but he could definitely find something else besides this.

They were leaving on tour January second. Christmas was in two days. And Apollo was supposed to be going home. But he wasn't.

Apollo walked over to the couch, letting the ornaments spill out of his arms and onto the cushions. Paige made a noise of protest but Apollo ignored her, walking into the kitchen to see what Hale was doing.

It smelled like alcohol, and something burnt. Hale was bent over the stove, trying to unstick something from the bottom of a random pot.

"What did you do?"

Hale looked up at Apollo, rolling his eyes.

"It wasn't me. Who the fuck do you think it was?

Someone got distracted by a christmas tree and forgot about..."

He looked down into the pot, shaking his head.

"Whatever this was."

Smoke was still rolling from the pot as he tossed the spatula he had been using in the sink and grunted 'fuck it'. He took the pot over to the trash can, opening the lid. He tossed it in and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, lighting one.

"She's never going to actually learn how to cook. This was a moot arrangement.

Let's get drunk and pretend she can cook after we order pizza."

Blake pushed into the kitchen at the exact moment Hale spoke, his nose crinkling in disgust.

"What the hell is that smell?"

Apollo laughed, pointing at the trash can.

"Paige's cooking strikes again."

Blake walked over to the fridge, taking out a bottle of water. He leaned against the counter, twisting the cap on and off again. Not drinking.

"So, we're staying in Hollywood for Christmas too, right? It seems to be the general consensus."

He looked pointedly at Apollo, finally taking a drink of the water.

Apollo leaned both of his hands on the counter, staring Blake down.

"Do you have something you think that you need to say to me?"

Blake spoke without hesitation.

"I think you need to go and talk to your family. Before you leave on tour, and can't see any of them for almost a year."

Apollo shook his head, scoffing.

"You act like I even have to go back after that. We have a house here. What's the point?"

"You have a family. And didn't you make a promise, or something? Cause I could swear you made one to a certain girl that you'd always come back for her."

Apollo stiffened, dropping his eyes to the counter.

"Promises were made to be broken."

Hale raised an eyebrow, spraying some air freshener he had found under the sink.

"I don't think that's how that cliche ass saying goes.

What have you been doing? Scrolling Tumblr?"

Blake didn't move his eyes from Apollo, though. 

"And besides that, yours never were.

You've always been a man of your word. She's your best friend, Apollo. Breakup aside."

Apollo slammed his fist on the counter, finally looking up at Blake.

"She's not even talking to me. Fucking drop it."

Blake rolled his eyes, walking toward the living room.

"I'm just saying you should go back. Even if you don't speak to Harpia."

Apollo blinked at the sound of her name. No one used it. Because no one talked about her. Apollo pressed his fist down into the counter until the healing cuts on his knuckles broke open, letting out a breath. He looked up at Hale, but Hale's back was to him, and he was already walking away, carrying a bottle of whiskey.

"Hale."

He turned around at his name, shrugging a shoulder.

"I told you I wanted to get drunk. Come on if you're joining."

Apollo glanced at the door Blake had exited through.

"I have something else I need to do."

Hale shrugged again, turning back toward his room. Apollo reached into the cabinet where the alcohol was kept, grabbing a bottle of his own. He passed through the living room, trying not to notice Blake and Paige kissing in the corner by the Christmas tree. He took the stairs to his room, pushing the door open and slamming it behind him.

He walked over to his closet, taking a stack of records off of the top shelf. He reached way in the back, his hand closing around what he was looking for. He pulled a box out of the bottom of his closet that his mother sent him cookies in and dumped the styrofoam peanuts out of it, dropping what he had grabbed inside.

For a second, he considered tossing the entire thing in the trash, and then lighting it on fire. But Blake's words played through his head again. And the more he stared at the tiny toy car in the bottom of the box, the more he knew Blake was right.

As he usually was.

He had a promise to keep.

He tossed the styrofoam peanuts back in the box, and glanced around, looking for the notebook he now kept safely in his room. He grabbed it off of his bed, ripping the very back page out.

He scribbled a note, placing it on the top of the rest of the contents before taping it shut and giving no return address.

I made you a promise. I'll see you in August.

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"Take that stupid thing off of your head."

Variance's voice spilled out of the kitchen into where Apollo was standing with Blake, and he ducked his head around the corner. Vega had a bright silver Happy New Year's headband on his head, and Variance was staring at it with open distaste.

"No! It's pretty! Don't deny me my fun!"

Vega grinned and adjusted the headband, winking at her. Apollo felt the growl in his voice as he spoke to Vega, his tone serious.

"First Hale, and now you? Get the hell away from her."

Variance snapped her glare onto Apollo, narrowing her eyes.

"I'm not only older than you, I'm not even your sister. I'm your cousin. I don't need your protection."

She slammed her drink on the counter next to where Vega was standing, and the liquid spilled onto the surface, dripping onto the floor. She stomped out of the room, disappearing out the side door toward the pool.

"Whoa. What's up with her? She's acting really weird. She's never been like that with you before."

Apollo looked at Blake, shrugging a shoulder.

"I don't know. She's been like this for a few weeks now."

He hadn't seen her much before she started coming over, but he knew she had a lot going on the last he'd heard of her. She was carrying her fair share of secrets. And it just reinforced his 'I must protect the girls in my family' mindset. And it made a piece of him happy that she'd be going on tour with them too.

At least he'd know she'd be safe when he was around.

It was probably annoying. To all of them. Rhea, Variance, and Artemis. But he didn't care.

"Are you gonna kiss me at midnight?"

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sultry voice next to him. His eyes fell on Caelum, and she looked amazing. Her dress cut so low, keeping his eyes on her own was next to impossible.

But he couldn't help but think about Harpia in the moment. What she would have wore, what she was doing tonight. He shook the thought out of his mind, grabbing Caelum's hand with his. He pulled her close to him, pressing his lips to hers.

"Who else would I kiss?"

Caelum smirked, shrugging out of his hold on her. She disappeared the way Variance had went, and Blake rolled his eyes, following her. 

"When did you start wearing lipstick?"

Hale's voice was slurred, his eyes bloodshot. He'd been drinking already, and he was more than likely high as a kite. Apollo knew Nicole had called. He could tell who it was by the way Hale had tossed his phone at the wall, shattering it into pieces.

He'd played it off, laughing, doing lines on the marble counter top despite the room being full of people when he returned. But Apollo knew him better than most. 

And he'd picked the pieces of the phone up off the ground, not saying a word.

Because he broke shit all the time.

Apollo dragged his hand across his lips, trying to get rid of the residue Caelum had apparently left there.

"Harpia didn't wear this shit. I forgot it was a thing."

Hale blinked at Apollo, raising an eyebrow. Apollo realized in seconds he'd said her name.

"Fuck."

He knocked Variance's now empty glass into the sink, grabbing the bottle of vodka she'd been drinking out of. Hale watched him, shaking his head as Apollo pulled the bottle to his lips, drinking for a solid minute.

"I'm gonna go find everyone. You gonna disappear and drink yourself into a coma, or join us?"

Hale didn't wait for his response, leaving the door to the outside standing open as he went through it.

Apollo took another drink, staring at the open door. Cool California air hit him in the face, but it did nothing to displace the fire that was working its way through his system.

The closer he got to Caelum, the clearer his brief idealizations of Harpia taking over became.

She wasn't Harpia. And she never would be.

And he wanted to believe that was a good thing, but something inside of him tried to keep surfacing and telling him it wasn't. 

And it pissed him off. He didn't want to think about her. Let alone every time he tried to forget her.

Always fucking things up, O'Conner.

Just like she had said she did. He'd told her she was wrong. But maybe she had been right.

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Apollo opened his eyes, staring up at the stars in the sky. He had been trying all night to escape the group of people in his house. Rhea had flown in to 'see him one last time before he left on tour'. But she was full of shit. All she'd done all night was hit on Hale.

And all that had done was piss Apollo off to the point he needed to get away before he locked her in a closet.

"New year, new beginnings. What a fucking joke."

He lifted the almost empty bottle to his lips, changing the song on his iPod.

A shadow blocked out the lights from the house that had been on his face as he lay there, and he pressed his fingers into his eyes.

"Whoever you are, can you get the fuck away from me right now?"

The voice didn't make it through the music in his eardrums, and he tried his best to ignore them into leaving, but they sat down next to him.

He removed his hands from his eyes, glancing over. It was Paige.

"Okay, especially you."

Paige's eyes looked sad, and she didn't say anything. She laid down next to Apollo, her gaze on the sky too. Apollo removed one earbud, moving a foot farther away from her on the grass. He leaned up on one elbow, looking down at her.

"What, exactly, are you doing?"

Paige shrugged a shoulder, her eyes studying the night sky.

"I don't know."

Apollo sat up completely, glaring at her.

"We're not going to have a moment, midget. Shouldn't you be doing what you're doing right now with Blake?"

Paige spoke quietly, her words slurring slightly from the alcohol in her system.

"I just miss Harpia. And I thought you'd be the only one who would understand."

Apollo's pulse picked up in his chest and his eyes softened for a split second.

"You have Caelum. You seemed like you were just fine an hour ago."

Apollo finished off the bottle in his hand, clearing his throat when he was done.

"And I don't want to fucking talk about Harpia."

Paige sighed, running her hands over her thighs.

"No one does. You all act like she never even existed. Like she wasn't just as much a part of this group as everyone else.

Blake doesn't get it, he thinks I should stay mad at her for ditching out and running back home. But I can't say I completely blame her. You all leave in two days, and I'll be here alone.

I mean, Variance is going with you guys to do photography for the tour, and we were never really close to begin with. 

Caelum is here, but she only seems to care about you right now.

I wish Harpia had stayed.

She's my best friend, and I wouldn't be alone if she was here."

"You'll be fine, Paige."

Paige's eyes flicked onto Apollo and she sat up, the liquor on her breath hitting Apollo in the face.

"This is supposed to be a good day for me. Blake and I have history on this day.

But I'm worried about Harpia. And I miss her.

Why don't you miss her too?"

Apollo inhaled slowly, measuring his words before he said them.

"I miss her everyday, Sino."

Paige nodded, lying back down. Apollo opened his mouth to say something else, but the back door to their house slammed, and a figure disappeared quickly from behind it.

"That was probably Caelum. She's been looking for you."

Apollo groaned, lying down the way Paige was.

"Of course she was."

Paige's voice was sing song, the alcohol in her veins obvious.

"She probably heard you."

Apollo put his other ear bud in, trying to go back to the way he'd been before Paige had decided to drop her 'I miss Harpia' bomb on him.

But it wasn't working.

Because in admitting the truth to Paige, he'd admitted it to himself.

He missed Harpia.

He probably always would. 

But that didn't bring her back.

"You guys having fun out here? It's ten seconds to midnight."

Blake's voice preceded his appearance and he sat down heavily on the grass next to Paige. She sat up excitedly, and he could hear them chattering over his music. 

The ten seconds went by, and he heard the people who had spilled back out onto the lawn yelling about the new year. Apollo sat up, looking through the small crowd.

Paige kissed Blake, Hale was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Caelum.

Or his sister. Or Variance.

Just people and faces he mostly didn't know.

Maybe that was fitting.

Maybe the new year coming in like this was an exact reflection of how the next year would be.

That's what they said, wasn't it?

He turned the music up in his ears and rolled his eyes, looking back up at the stars.

He got what he wanted.

The music. The people he didn't know, knowing who he was.

So why did it constantly feel like something was missing?

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See I know I was wrong when I left you
But this heart and this mind, can't forget you