3-13: Identity Disorder

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"You fucked Caelum?"

Apollo looked up from his guitar in surprise. Hale had said that loud enough that anyone in the vicinity probably heard it. Apollo looked back down at the sheet music in front of him and cleared his throat.

"I had a moment of weakness."

Hale shook his head. He watched Apollo pretend to be enamored by the song he was playing with narrowed eyes.

"Seems to be your thing."

Apollo played a few more notes, trying to ignore him, but Hale didn't leave the room.

"How the fuck did you know, anyway?"

Hale crossed his arms over his chest and snorted.

"Because she disappeared for like an hour from the party, and when she came back her makeup was fucked. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out, Hunter."

Apollo sat his guitar aside, picking up the sheet music and making an edit to one of the lines.

"I figured that Paige would have already been up my ass."

Hale sat next to Apollo on the couch and pulled a baggie of white powder out of his pocket.

"I don't think she knows. Caelum played it off.

She seemed the type to brag, too. So I was kind of surprised."

Apollo watched him dump the contents of the bag straight onto the coffee table, something twitching in his stomach.

"Yeah... me too."

Hale pulled a razor blade out of his pocket where the baggie had been and laid out three neat lines.

He glanced at Apollo for a second before leaning down and rolling up a hundred dollar bill.

"Quit staring at me. You've seen me do this five thousand times."

Apollo nodded and watched the cocaine disappear. When Hale sat up, his eyes were watering. He wiped his hand under his nose and cracked a grin.

"You're still staring. What is it?

Do you want some?"

Apollo had only done it once or twice. When he was drunk. He knew how much of Hale's life it consumed, and how much of his money.

"Kind of. Yeah."

Hale looked surprised for a second, but he put the bill in his hand into Apollo's.

Apollo snorted the next line without a second thought.

As Hale was taking the next line, the front door opened and Blake came through it, Paige pressed into his side. Caelum trailed behind them, and Apollo wasn't sure when their twosome had started to include Caelum all the time. But that was how it seemed now.

"Really?

Cocaine now?

What the fuck are you going to do next?"

Hale laughed and nodded at Caelum.

"Her."

Paige rolled her eyes.

"Whatever."

Caelum and Apollo exchanged a look, and Paige's mouth dropped open. She took a step away from Caelum, throwing a dirty look at Apollo.

"Seriously? Gross!"

Caelum shrugged a shoulder and watched Hale lean back down to the mirror.

"I didn't think so."

Apollo responded with a laugh, somewhere deep in his chest. Fueled more by the drugs than by any sort of humor.

"Surprise?"

Paige's cheeks turned red and she grabbed Blake's hand. She pulled him toward the stairs to their room, but kept her voice even.

"You're an asshole, Apollo."

Caelum stood against the front door as Apollo and Hale finished the cocaine on the mirror. She didn't look out of place, but she did look annoyed.

"I guess I should go home."

Apollo brushed away the powder from his face and shook his head.

"Nah. You're good. Come here."

He held out his hand and she walked over to him. 

Apollo pulled her down, onto his lap, and Hale made a face, shoving the empty bag back into his pocket. He pulled his phone out and looked down at it, a smile going across his lips. It disappeared almost as quickly as it appeared, and he looked up at the two of them.

"You two have fun. I'm gonna... not watch whatever is about to happen."

He stood up and jumped over the back of the couch. He went out the back door, but before he closed it, he leaned in, his voice loud.

"Don't fuck up my couch. Or I'll kill you."

He shut the door with a snap, and Apollo put his hands on Caelum's waist, looking up at her.

"Wanna fuck up his couch?"

Caelum nodded. Her laugh echoing as Apollo pressed her down into the cushions.

Moment of weakness. 

Right.

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The sound of Vega's drums permeated the deep sleep that Apollo was in and he groaned, pulling his pillow over his head. But it was incessant, leaking right through the barrier of cotton and fluff. He tossed the pillow at his door and let out a groan.

"Why do I always get woken up by the stupidest shit?"

He murmured the words under his breath. As soon as he found his feet, he tripped over a shoe. Among the cuss words that left his throat, he noticed the shoe didn't belong to him.

Because he didn't wear heels.

"Caelum, what the fuck."

He picked up the shoe and tossed it into the bottom of his closet and slammed his bedroom door shut when he exited it. Blake was leaning against the door frame of the bathroom, a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

He leaned back inside and spit in the sink.

"It's 9 AM. Why are you awake?"

Apollo stared at him blankly and pointed a finger in the direction of Vega's room.

"Who the fuck can sleep through that?"

Blake shrugged a shoulder. He ran water over his toothbrush and came back into the hallway with Apollo.

"Apparently Paige and Caelum. They're still crashed out in our bed. I slept on the couch."

Apollo couldn't help but laugh. He glanced back over his shoulder at Blake's closed bedroom door.

"Sorry man. Not up for her sleeping in my bed just yet."

Blake made his way down the stairs, and Apollo followed close behind. Blake opened the fridge, his eyes on the mostly vacant inside.

"You guys have been hooking up for what, three weeks now?"

"Something like that."

He pulled a carton of orange juice out and set it on the counter. Apollo felt uncomfortable under the stare he was giving him.

"What are you gonna do about her when we leave on tour?

It's only a little over two months away."

He pulled the cap off, and actually got a glass for it, unlike any of the other guys in the house.

"Considering she's not my girlfriend, nothing.

I'll tell her I'm leaving and that will be the end of it."

Blake snorted. He had to catch his breath from choking on the drink he had taken.

"Yes, because that went so well the last time you told a girl you were leaving."

Apollo reached for the carton and took a drink straight from it.

"That was different. Caelum isn't her."

"I'm not so sure any kind of girl is okay with something like that.

Just banging or not, she's going to get feelings for you. That's what girls do."

Apollo couldn't help but tense a little. He put the carton back in the fridge and turned to face Blake again.

"I thought your girlfriend was supposed to learn how to cook once she moved in?"

Blake shrugged a shoulder and put his glass in the sink.

"She'll get there."

He grinned.

"Someday."

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Apollo stared at Paige and Caelum as they fussed over their hair in the mirror, checking his cell phone again.

"Guys. It's Halloween. At a club. Not a fucking fashion show. We're going to be late."

Paige scowled up at Apollo in the mirror, her lips going into a pout.

"It's not my fault Blake made you be our ride. You'd think he'd want to celebrate the release of your album."

Apollo ran his hand over his face and let out a sigh.

"And it's not my fault your boyfriend doesn't like to party like you do."

Blake rolled his eyes and ran his hand down Paige's back.

"Hale's not going either. Neither is your cousin. Why are you singling me out?"

Apollo glanced toward the staircase, and Hale's bedroom. Hale hadn't been home all day. But he had every reason to not want to be. Today was the anniversary of one of the worst days of his life.

"Hale has a reason. He doesn't celebrate Halloween. He was already pissed that the album was releasing so close to it."

Blake ignored him, leaning down to press a kiss to Paige's cheek.

"You'll be fine, right? You'll stay with the guys?"

Paige nodded and pushed onto her toes to kiss his cheek too.

"I promise. Apollo won't let anything happen to me."

She looked at him, pointedly.

"Right, vampire boy?"

Apollo rolled his eyes.

"You'll be fine. I'll be right there and so will Vega."

At the mention of his name, Vega leaned his head in the door, and let out a long whistle.

"I will punch you in the teeth, Vega."

Vega grinned at Blake and adjusted the stupid jester hat on his head.

"I wasn't whistling at her. I was whistling at the other one."

Caelum narrowed her eyes, turning around and shooting Vega a smile.

"I have a name. 

And I'm not a dog. So how about you don't whistle at me?"

She walked over to Apollo and pressed a kiss to his cheek, leaving behind a bright red lipstick print. Then she turned for the door, taking care to step on Vega's foot with her stiletto as she did so.

Vega let out a whimper, massaging it. Then he grinned at Apollo and straightened his hat again.

"She's feisty, Apollo. I approve!"

Apollo rubbed the lipstick print off of his face and chuckled.

"You're such an idiot, Vega."

"You guys say that so much, it's like it's my nickname."

He ducked out of the door, one of the bells on his hat hitting Blake in the face.

"If that happens again tonight, I'm burning that fucking hat."

Paige's face lit up and she grabbed his hand.

"I thought you weren't going?"

He glanced through the door after Vega.

"I changed my mind.

But I'm not dressing up. Apollo didn't, so I'm not."

"Caelum and Paige decided to be...."

Apollo looked at Paige.

"Cats!"

".... A really slutty version of cats.

And Vega is just wearing that stupid jester hat. You're not alone."

Blake curled his hand inside Paige's and led her out of the bathroom. But Apollo caught his whisper as he reached the top of the staircase.

"At least this way I know that you're safe for sure."

Apollo let out a slow breath, leaning his hands on the counter top. He glanced at his reflection, a small hint of red still on his cheek. As he was rubbing it off, something caught his eye in the far corner of the mirror.

It had been shoved in the back, behind the countless bottles of Paige's perfume, but he knew the shape of it well.

Because she'd always worn it.

He'd bought her a bottle of it for her thirteenth birthday, because his dad had made him.

"You're fucking everywhere, aren't you."

He grabbed it and tossed it into the trash can by the shower.

"And now I'm talking to myself."

He looked back into the mirror, shaking his head and shutting the light off. As he closed the door to the room, he glanced at his own bedroom door, thinking about the picture on the other side of it, and muttered the word one more time.

"Everywhere."

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Apollo stepped out of the club and onto the curb, pulling his steadily vibrating phone out of his pocket. His brother had called him around fifteen times in a row, and it was crawling closer and closer to pissing him off.


"What the fuck is so important, Icarus?"

His laugh echoed loudly from the other line, and Apollo squeezed the bridge of his nose with his finger and thumb.

"Can't your big brother call you to congratulate you!?"

Apollo leaned against the lamp post outside of the club.

"You haven't talked to me since I left Bridgeport. Why the hell are you trying to congratulate me now?"

Icarus told someone on his end to shut up, coming back into the conversation a moment later. Apollo could hear the noises of whatever party his brother was at loud and clear. 

It was all he'd ever done. All he'd probably ever do.

"Well, I had another reason to call too, actually."

Apollo waited, hoping Icarus would get to his point sooner rather than later. 

"Dad said some shit I thought you might want to know."

Apollo listened intently, something in his stomach turning.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! Apparently he's really disappointed in you, or something. Says you left all of us behind for something that won't actually amount to anything.

That you'll burn out like every other star that went the way you're going."

Apollo stared out at the cars that zipped by on the road.

"When... what?"

Icarus laughed, and if Apollo had been in front of him, he probably would have sucker punched him in the throat.

"Yeah! I guess that's why he hasn't been calling you and shit.

I just thought you'd rather hear it from me."

Apollo didn't say anything, but the anger crawled up his throat. Anger and something else. Something nauseating. His dad hadn't called him since Artemis had went home. He'd been worried the two were somehow connected, but he didn't think it would be something like this.

Icarus cleared his throat, and his voice dropped a few octaves to a more serious tone. One so much like the way Apollo had always spoken, it was uncanny.

"Well, anyway. I hope you're having fun out there.

And I'm sorry, bro."

The line clicked out and Apollo pulled the phone down to his eye level, staring at the background.

"Yeah."

He muttered the word and dropped the phone on the concrete. He put his shoe on it, pressing down until the screen shattered.

He walked back into the club and took Caelum by the hand as soon as he found her.

He tugged her over to the wall and pressed her up against it.

But as his lips found her neck, and he ran his hands up her sides, she still spoke to him.

"Are you... are you okay? You look upset."

Apollo could barely hear her over the music, but he nodded, pressing her back harder.

"I'm fine."

He touched her lips with his, moving back to her neck and biting down harder than he intended to, but she relaxed into it.

She always did. She went with it. Whatever he wanted, whenever.

He wasn't sure if it was a reflection of who she was, or how he was.

But whatever it was, it stitched together that part of him that kept splintering apart.

Her pulse didn't race under his touch like Harpia's always did, but at least she had one.

At least she was there.

She didn't vanish underneath his eyes like smoke.

And that's what Harpia had always done.

She was there for a while, but she was always gone in the end.

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I question every part of who I am
It's hard to tell which side of me is in the right
With these two different people inside of me fighting for my life