1-29: It's Been Awhile

And it's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I can say I love myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

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In the end, time is just a collection of numbers. Separated into little chunks of passing seconds. You never know exactly what each piece is going to bring about, or exactly what each little gathering of life actually amounts to. 

Eden never actually thought that a year could bring so much. Definitely never counted on being a mother, or a good sister. Or any possible indication that she could actually make something of herself... Have a family, or a life, outside of excessive boys.. outside of running. 

She never thought she would be her mother, but the more she grew away from who she began as, the more she saw the similarities. 

Until it came to the actual concept of motherhood itself. In that way, she couldn't have been anymore divergent to the way her mother was. 

When Storm Evein Nile was born, Eden's world tipped upside down, and she finally realized that it wasn't about her anymore. She had something to live for, something to work for... To change for. She had a reason to be something she never thought she actually could be.

But changing doesn't always solve everything. Sometimes there are still bumps, bruises, obstacles. In the end... All you can do is face them head on, and learn to breathe through the hard things.

Because they always outnumber the easy ones.

Always.

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"Can't you use this one day to skip school? Xavier, this is important. This is your daughter's first birthday. I know your degree is important. But not enough to miss this. This is bullshit, and I know you know that as much as I do."

Xavier sighed, pulling a chair out from the bar. He sat in it heavily, his eyes far away when Eden tried to look into them.

"Eden, I've tried. I can't. Not today. Why couldn't you schedule her party on a day I don't have a test my- our- future rides on?

You act like I haven't busted my ass for this.

 Like I haven't taken double the amount of courses as ninety percent of the students in that school to get to this point, right now.

This is important. And yes, Storm is important too... But I can't sacrifice this."

Eden tossed the wash cloth she had been holding into the sink and let out a breath, rolling her eyes up to the ceiling.

"You can. You could. Your professor would understand, but, clearly, you don't care enough."

Xavier got to his feet, sliding the stool so hard into the bar, it echoed through the room.

"I'm not fighting with you again, not today."

He walked over to the high chair, bending to place a kiss on his green eyed daughter's forehead. 

"I'm sorry, baby girl. I'll see you later tonight."

Eden laughed, but it completely lacked mirth in any way at all.

"Don't bother. She'd not old enough to know that you're disappointing her. She won't even remember. Just go. That's what you're good at doing, anyway, isn't it?"

Xavier turned away from the high chair, his eyes somewhere in the vicinity of Eden's hair.

"Have fun tonight. I'm sorry I can't be there."

That was all he said as he turned for the door, shutting it so hard behind him, it made Storm jump and immediately start crying. Eden walked over to her, clicking the locks out of place in the high chair and pulling her little girl into her arms. She touched a kiss to her forehead, almost identical to the way that Xavier had and sighed. One tear slipped down her cheek as she ruffled the ridiculous amount of hair already on top of Storm's head.

 

Eden knew she was being unreasonable. She knew she was being emotional and difficult. But she couldn't figure out exactly why... Why it mattered to her so much that Xavier had to be gone. Some type of latent feeling echoed in the back of her head, even though she knew that he had to. Even though she knew that this was integral.

Something was there though. Some tiny little fear that made her feel like everything was going to fall apart in the blink of an eye.

"Daddy loves you. He'll be home soon.

Happy birthday, baby."

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"Why are you being such a psycho about this?"

Kiara rubbed a hand over her swelling stomach and cast one more dirty look in Cassius' direction. He was against the kitchen counter with his new girlfriend in front of him. But it kind of seemed like Kiara didn't really care how much he had changed. Not that Eden could blame her. 

Her little brother had tried to take something from Kiara that he had no right to take. That wasn't something that you just forget... No matter how much you heal, or someone changes.

"Xavier is almost half way through school. He completed almost five years of schooling in under three. Give him credit. He's trying everything he can to give you and your little girl a future, Eden. 

Give him a break. This will be worth it in the end, and you know it will be."

Eden scowled at her and placed the candle on top of Storm's cake. She watched her mother balancing two little toddler girls on her hip out of the corner of her eye carefully, searching her pocket for her lighter.

She had never been good at keeping track of them. Apparently, that would never change.

"You don't think that this is more important? His daughter's first birthday?"

Kiara shrugged, looking over at Atticus joking with Carter.

"Maybe not to Xavier, but that's okay. He will see her tonight. Just a little later than you're happy with.

He knows what is going to matter in the long run, and you can't fault him for that."

Eden had known Kiara all of her life, and her voice of reason thinking still annoyed her. 

"If this was Atticus, you'd bleed him dry and make him get on his knees and beg for forgiveness."

Kiara let out a harsh laugh at that, nodding.


"I would. But Atticus and Xavier are vastly different. And so are you and I.

Get used to it, Eden. Xavier loves both of you, too much. Believe it or not, I bet the only thing on his mind through that entire test is you and that little girl.

Relax, have fun, you know he'll make it up to you. He usually does."

Eden took a deep breath, finally locating a lighter among all the clutter in her kitchen drawer. 

"Alright. Whatever, Kiara. Time to sing happy birthday. You better sing it with conviction, or I'll tell everyone what you're naming that baby."

She lit the candle on the top of the cake, and finally conjured a real smile, turning to face the gathering of people she never expected to actually have in one place. 

Not for something like this.

"Here we go."

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"We should talk."

Eden looked up from her computer, Xavier's soft voice cutting through the music pouring from the speakers. She shut iTunes down, raising an eyebrow. Xavier closed the door behind him and crossed the room, stopping just before he reached her. Eden nodded, pushing a piece of hair out of her face.

"So talk. Unless you're breaking up with me. If that's the case, you can go ahead and turn back around and go out the front door, because I've had a stressful day already."

Xavier chuckled softly, glancing around the room. There was a single candle burning on the  kitchen counter, but nothing else. Eden never was much for an abundance of light, even now.

"Not at all. Where's Storm?"

Eden pushed her laptop out of the way, grabbing a bottle of wine off of the counter next to her. She poured a glass of it and took a drink before answering, trying not to be snappy. She was still angry, but after talking to Kiara, she was trying to be more understanding.

"She's asleep. Upstairs, in her crib."

She had so much more to say, but refrained, drinking slowly from her glass. Her eyes were still on Xavier's face, and she studied it closely, trying to discern whatever emotion was there. It wasn't guilt, but it was something. 

Something she wasn't sure she recognized.

"What's up? Why do you look so..."

She tried to find a word, but he cut her off, taking the wine glass from her hand and sitting it aside. He traced his fingers along her jawline and dropped his hand to her neck. The seriousness in his eyes made Eden completely forget whatever she had just been trying to say.

"I have a question."

He paused, looking around the room one more time. He shuffled in his stance for a second, finally dropping the skin contact he had been maintaining. Eden bit down on her lip, nodding slowly.

"Okay... What is it? I'm not pregnant if that's what you want to know. I'm apparently going crazy for a different reason."

That same smile only Eden seemed to know how to elicit crossed Xavier's mouth and he shook his head.

"No. I was wondering what you're doing for the rest of your life."

Eden blinked once, clearing her throat.

"Well, that's not exactly a smart question, cause I'm pretty sure you know the answer already."

Xavier shifted his weight once more, reaching behind him. Eden wasn't even sure she was correctly comprehending what was going on until Xavier placed a velvet box in her face and pulled her to her feet.

"I'm actually not sure that I do, but I'd like to."

"Are you seriously...."

As Xavier dropped to one knee, Eden let out a breath, her world tipping.

And not from the alcohol.

"Oh my God, you are."

Xavier popped the box open and his face contained more nerves in that one singular moment than Eden had ever seen him show in her entire time of knowing him. All she could seem to do was stare at him, no words at all coming to her tongue.

"Are you going to marry me, or what, Eden Simon?

Because in case you were wondering, I'm in love with you, and I'm sick of calling you Simon when it should be Nile."

Emotion flooded her head, and for a few minutes, Xavier looked legitimately scared that she was going to never say anything again. Eden could feel the heat in her cheeks, and the tears that gathered in the bottom of her curls, as she finally found her words.

"I'm pretty sure I'm going to spend the rest of my life doing you, Xavier.

So, yes. I'll marry you. But I swear to God, if you ever tell anyone that I cried because of this, I'll kill you."

He slipped the ring onto her finger and got to his feet, towering over her as he always had. When his lips touched hers, she sighed into it, trying to stop the flow of tears that kept appearing.

"I love you, Eden."

She pulled away and looked up into his sapphire blue eyes, nodding once.

"I love you too, Xavier."

Funny how something that used to make her want to peel off her skin, made her so happy now. The beginning of her life had started in this man's eyes, and she was fully convinced the end of it was there too.

Everything changes. For better or for worse, it does.

And she was starting to think that now... She was okay with that.
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