1-5: I Can't Love You Back

Trigger warning for those of you suffering from eating disorders. I just want you to know, ahead of time, this might be a good chapter to skip.

“A complete stranger has the capacity to alter the life of another irrevocably. This domino effect has the capacity to change the course of an entire world. That is what life is; a chain reaction of individuals colliding with others and influencing their lives without realizing it. A decision that seems miniscule to you, may be monumental to the fate of the world.”

― J.D. Stroube, Caged by Damnation

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15
"It's going to be okay, Evein. They're gonna help you. They'll make you better."

Evein sunk back against her mother's back car seat even farther, fixing Eden with a contemptuous gaze.

"There's nothing wrong with me, Eden."

Eden exchanged a glance with Carlee, Evein's mom, and looked back at her best friend. Carlee's features were drawn. Sunken in. Sad. Like she hadn't slept or done much but cry in days.

"I'm pretty sure catching my fifteen year old daughter throwing up in the bathroom means there is definitely something wrong with you."

Her voice matched her appearance, and it hit Eden in the stomach with such force, she lost her words for a second. She gulped in air, trying to regain her emotional balance. She felt so bad for telling Carlee what she had seen. What she had been noticing.

But that was her responsibility as best friend right? She couldn't just sit back and let Evein do these things. She had to tell. No matter what it made her friend feel, it could save her life.

She couldn't die. She was Eden's best friend. Since they were kids. She meant everything to her. She deserved a life. A real one. 

Eden had paid enough attention to her best friend to know, she was sick. Extremely.

And it had been time to stop it before it got worse.

No crying. You can't cry. You'll show your weakness.

"I told you, mom."

Evein echoed out with a groan.

"I ate something bad at school. I was just sick."

Carlee sighed heavily, turning the steering wheel and gliding smoothly through the stoplight.

"You've lost 26 pounds in a month, Evein Marie."

Eden snapped her eyes to Evein again, watching her face blank out as she took in everything her mother was saying.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Her voice contained so much honesty, it was sickening.

Before Carlee could say anything else, Eden cut through the silence.

"I love you, Evein. But we can't watch you kill yourself."

The air filled again with the crushing quiet and Eden looked away, watching the raindrops splatter against the windshield as they pulled into the therapists office that Evein now had to attend once a week.

Evein cast a disapproving glance at the two occupants in the front seat before throwing her door open and marching straight into the glass double doors.

Carlee looked at Eden, and all at once, she looked like she had aged 15 years.

"I love her, Eden. I can't lose her. Thank you for telling me. I hope to God whatever she learns in there helps her. I need my baby girl to be okay."

Eden watched the tears spill down her cheeks, numb.

She wanted to say something. Reassure her. But she, herself, wasn't sure this would help. Don't these things destroy you? Don't you have to want to get better?

She was ninety-five percent sure Evein didn't.

And in this moment... She wasn't even convinced she had done the right thing.
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17

"Hey, Evein. Wait up!"

Zach's voice echoed out over the school grounds and she sighed lightly, turning around to look at the boy who had been following her around all summer. And the boy who had continued following her around when the school year started.

He had always been there, really. But she had never had reason to think that he cared about her as more than a friend until recently. He'd even taken her best friends virginity. She thought that that had to mean something... But she was pretty sure she was wrong.

He didn't seem to get it though. She didn't need friends. She didn't need attention.

And she definitely didn't need a boyfriend.

"What's up, Zach?"

He grinned lopsidedly, flashing off the perfect teeth 3 years of braces had given him.

"Just wondering if I could take you home?"

She hesitated, looking over her shoulder at Sarah, who stood next to her Firebird, eyebrow raised. She turned back to Zach, pulling her books tighter to her chest.

"Okay. Why not?"

She looked back at Sarah, nodding towards Zach. Sarah rolled her eyes and waved, climbing into her car. Her face had been clouded with annoyance.

Whatever.

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18
"Sometimes I wonder if you know how lucky you are."

Evein brought her eyes to Zach's, raising an eyebrow slightly.

"Lucky... How? How am I lucky."

Zach sighed, the smile on his face faltering slightly.

"You're lucky in a lot of ways."

Evein reached over, pushing his shoulder softly.

"Is that you saying that you're not going to elaborate?"

Zach nodded.

"Of course it is. Did you expect anything else?"

Evein scooted closer to him, lacing his fingers with hers.

"Nope. I'm not ever going to, really."

Zach grinned and brought her fingers to his lips, pressing a kiss softly. 

"Good, because it's never going to change."

Evein dropped her eyes to the floor of her bedroom, trying not to stare. Zach had been everything she could have ever dreamed of having. It was weird.. How quickly she had changed her ways. Changed her mind. When she had found out he liked her, genuinely liked her, she wanted nothing more than to get better. To stay better.

She felt healthier.. But she wasn't sure she was.

And Zach... Zach had no idea. She wasn't sure he ever even knew she was sick. That she had dropped so far beyond being saved for a while, she thought she would never make it out. At the bottom of the rabbit hole, she couldn't even see the light anymore.

"Zach... I love you."

Zach looked up at her, his eyes wide with surprise.

"You... What?"

Evein nodded, taking his hand that was still wrapped up in hers and placing it to her chest. She could feel her heart racing, but she couldn't care less.

"I love you."

Zach dropped his eyes to their hands, a small smile curling his mouth. He leaned over, pressing his lips to her collarbone, her cheek, her lips.

"I love you too, Ev. I always have. I always will."

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The sound of the ringing sliced through Eden's dreams like a serrated knife. She opened one blurry eye, fixing her gaze on Nico's bedside table. Had she really slept here? She hadn't meant to.. She had meant to go home last night.. But apparently that hadn't been how things went down.

She reached over, sliding her other eye open and staring at the screen. She tried to make out the number through her sleepy, hungover eyes, but the numbers didn't seem to make any sense. 

She slid the flashing icon to the answer side and brought the phone to her ear.

"Yeah?"

"Eden..."

Eden sat up, far more alert at the tone in Kiara's voice. Was she... crying?

"Yeah, Ki. What's going on? Are you okay?"

There was a pause, followed by what was definitely crying...

"Yeah, Eden. I'm fine. But Evein..."

Eden's stomach dropped. No. She... She was getting better, wasn't she. It couldn't be..

"She had a heart attack last night. They said it was from complications due to her eating disorder."

Eden couldn't think. She couldn't connect the dots in her head enough to formulate a response.

"I thought..."

Kiara sighed.

"She was. She had been recovered for months.. But the damage to her heart was too significant."

So in the end... She conquered the monster, and it took her life anyway. 

Sounds about fucking right.

Eden swallowed the lump in her throat, glancing over at Nico's sleeping form and then out the window. She slid off the bed and pulled her jeans back on, and then her shoes. She made to go to the door, but hesitated just a split second, looking back at him.

"Bye, Nico."

She whispered, her hand over the mouthpiece. 

"I'm on my way. I don't wanna be alone right now... And where I am, I'm alone."
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Zach looked across the tops of the still-wet gravestones as the rain began to fall again, Atticus exiting his car with his hand in Kiara's. He issued a small wave and they approached him, not that he was quite sure speaking to anyone was what he wanted right now. 

"How are you holding up Z?" 

Atticus asked, running a hand through his hair. He looked like he had been drinking, which was far from normal for him... Especially with Aria being the way that she was.

Zach shrugged. 

"How the fuck do you think I am doing? The girl I was in love with just died."

 The words dripped sarcasm and a mixture of a few other things. Atticus huffed, his breath heavy with the scent of whatever he had definitely been drinking.

 "No one even fucking knew she was sick. You would think that you would have.."

 Kiara punched Atticus' arm, hard. 

"Would you shut up? Now is not the time for you to be a dick." 

Atticus shrugged, he couldn't help but be an asshole lately.. It was getting worse and worse and this... Evein... It was making everything more pronounced. He was trying to break the habit. Sort of.

Zach watched as Cassius climbed out of Carter's cruiser and Eden followed. She was covered in mascara and did not look happy to have been sitting next to her younger brother at all. 

She pushed past him roughly and rushed over to them. Her voice cracked as she asked Zach the next question. 

"Is Nico here?"

 She looked around, but quickly rubbed her face with her hands, dragging her fingertips under her eyes.

She had been crying on and off since they had received the news. So unlike herself, it was... Well it was something. Something could break Eden? She had such heavily constructed walls she was reminiscent of Jericho. 

Zach shook his head, pulling her into a hug. He looked up at the sky over Eden's head, it looked like it was going to start raining even harder. Like the weather couldn't give them this one day as a break. Like it needed to echo the heaviness that already shrouded the group.

And since when had Eden turned to Nico for comfort? He thought-


"What the fuck are you doing with my sister?"

 Cassius' voice came from over Eden's shoulder. She and Zach separated and she glared at her younger brother. He was really good at finding a way to insert his callous words into every situation. 

"It's a fucking hug, asshole. Go away." 

He smirked and crossed his arms in front of him. 

"Well, I don't know if Evein would have been very happy that my whore of a sister was all over her boyfriend."

Eden's fists balled up at her sides and her face clouded in fury. 

"Are you really going to pull this shit? Do you have to make every bad thing that happens to us so much fucking worse??" 

Atticus put his hand on Eden's shoulder and pulled her back. 

"Just ignore him, Eden. He's a prick and nothing matters to him but getting a rise out of us. Don't give him the satisfaction."


She huffed, exhaling her breath louder than she needed to. Her eyes were ice and she directed them straight at Cassius' own.


"I'd rather punch him in the face and watch him bleed. He shouldn't even be talking about her. He doesn't deserve to say her-"

Eden's voice faded out, tears slipping down her face. She couldn't even finish her sentence. Atticus reached out, grabbing the tops of her arms with his hands. 

"No, stop that. I'm not used to seeing you cry.

Wipe your goddamn tears and don't let him see your weakness.

 Like I always taught you. He feeds off of it."

Eden bit her lip, letting her anxiety slowly ebb into a softer form. And just like that, she went stoic. Let the feelings recede into the back of her head. Pulled her mask back into place and nodded once, taking a breath before speaking.

"You're right. I'm not the one who cries. But this... She was my best friend since I was six. It's not as easy to fucking push that away, Atticus."

Except, she had just done it. Just extinguished her feelings like they were the flame on a candle.Kiara hissed, appearing beside them. She grabbed Atticus' arm, and he winced, making Eden think she had to have dug her nails in.

"You need to leave her alone, you idiot. Why don't you take your drunk ass over to your friends and leave us alone. Cause you aren't helping anything."

Atticus sighed, pulling something out of his pocket and taking a drink. He hid it before Eden had a chance to see what it was, but the stench told her it was definitely alcohol. She raised an eyebrow at Kiara.

"How long has this been going on?"

Kiara shrugged.

"A few days. To be honest, if he doesn't knock it off I'm just going to light him on fire."

She grinned at Eden, and she returned a small smile of her own. Her first real one in days.

Eden looked over at the gathering of people around the six foot deep hole. The headstone wasn't even in place yet. No sign that her best friend was going to be lowered in the ground there to rest for the remainder of eternity. 

"I guess we should go get this over with, yeah?"

Kiara's face fell and she tentatively wrapped an arm softly around Eden's shoulders.


"It's going to be okay, Eden. Maybe not today, but someday. I promise."

Her whisper was so soft, Eden barely heard it. But it was like she felt it in her core. She turned, hugging Kiara as tight as she could. They both turned to face the event before them. The one thing that was inevitable for all of them (the humans anyway), but had come for Evein way before it should have.

Death.

"Thank you."

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You'll be okay.